


These Distances

by artist_artists



Series: These Distances 'verse [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: Future Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-07
Updated: 2013-05-26
Packaged: 2017-12-07 19:15:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 59,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/752042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artist_artists/pseuds/artist_artists
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the years since Kurt and Sebastian last saw each other at Regionals in 2012, their lives have taken very different paths. Sebastian’s a single dad and a soap opera star living in LA, and Kurt’s living with his parents in Lima after struggling to make ends meet in New York. When their loneliness leads them both to the online fandom of a television show they love, their lives become intertwined in a way neither of them anticipated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place 10 years in the future, but it’s not an AU. It’s canon-compliant up to what we’ve seen so far (so up through 4x17). It should remain canon-compliant, unless they start killing people off, or unless the show lasts 10 more years and this doesn’t happen. 
> 
> I’m going to be updating once a week, on Sundays, and unless I decide to divide some of the longer parts up, it will be eight parts. This first part is the shortest, every part written after this has gotten a bit longer. Fair warning: I know nothing about anything and this is very self-indulgent. I hope this is something you guys can enjoy nonetheless!

Sebastian’s phone is missing.

This doesn’t happen often. The phone is always in his hand or his pocket while he’s awake, and charging on his nightstand while he sleeps. He can’t remember the last time it’s been out of his reach for more than a few minutes, but he’s been searching his house for a long time now, and he’s waiting for a very important email response. The email hadn’t been in his inbox when he woke up this morning, or after he showered, or when he had breakfast, but it could be there now, just waiting for Sebastian to open it and read the good news. Or the bad news. He doesn’t want to just _expect_ that it’s going to be the response he wants. He’d been too forward, probably. Maybe the email will just completely blow him off. Maybe he’ll never get a reply email at all.

Sebastian’s spent a good ten minutes retracing his steps before he realizes that the house is quiet. Too quiet.

“Jamie? Is everything okay?” he calls, peering into the playroom where his son is meant to be watching his favorite morning cartoon. Jamie’s seated on the floor in front of the television, but that isn’t what’s holding the boy’s attention. He has Sebastian’s phone gripped tightly in one hand, and he’s staring at it with the utmost concentration, his dark curls hanging over his face. He’s even biting his lip as he jabs his finger onto the touchscreen. It’s adorable, and Sebastian immediately reaches into his pocket to retrieve his phone so he can take a picture, rolling his eyes at himself when he realizes why that’s not possible. Since his son hasn’t replied to his query, Sebastian asks another question. “Remember when we talked about how this phone is just for grown-ups? Where’s your phone?” Sebastian surveys the room quickly, hoping to spot the toy cell phone Jamie likes so much.

“Wanna watch the cat video,” Jamie says, finally taking his eyes off of the screen. He holds the phone out to Sebastian. “Play it, Daddy?”

Sebastian sighs. One of the few drawbacks of Jamie spending so much time with his older cousins is that they share things with the three-year-old that Sebastian really would rather he didn’t know. Like the fact that his phone could be used to play cat videos.

“How about we go pick out something for you to wear today?” he asks as he takes the phone from his son. “Then if we have time, we can watch it before we leave for school. But not on my phone, because that’s for grown-ups.”

Jamie scrunches up his face to show his disapproval for this plan. “I wanna go to Aunt Nessa’s and play with the big bear.”

“Well, it’s Monday, so you have to go to school first. You know that.”

“I hate the school toys.”

“Oh yeah?” Sebastian asks, leaning over the couch and lifting his son into his arms. “Yesterday you said you loved them.”

“I don’t today.”

“That’s too bad,” Sebastian says as he carefully steps over the child gate and heads upstairs toward Jamie’s bedroom. “I’m sure Morgan won’t mind playing big bear with you after Aunt Vanessa picks you up from school.”

The ‘school’ that Jamie goes to is more of a glorified daycare center that offers classes for kids between two and five to learn age-appropriate preschool lessons. Jamie spends his mornings there a few days a week, along with Sebastian’s four-year-old niece, Morgan. Sebastian drops him off there in the morning, and Sebastian’s sister, Vanessa, picks up Jamie along with her own daughter when the sessions are over. Vanessa is a stay-at-home mom, with two older boys in addition to Morgan, and she watches Jamie while Sebastian’s at work. It’s an arrangement that enabled Sebastian to keep his job and avoid hiring a nanny after his ex-husband moved across the country last year. He often repeats his vow to make it up to her someday, and she always dismisses him with a wave of her arm. “My reward is the look on people’s faces when I tell them my baby brother plays the dashing Adrian Chevalier on _Desire Street_.”

Becoming a soap opera star had never been Sebastian’s dream, but it more than paid the bills, and he couldn’t complain about an acting job to add to his resumé. When he’d first moved to Los Angeles four years ago, he’d gotten roles in a few commercials, but _Desire Street_ had been his first real break. It’s a new daytime soap opera focusing on the torrid affairs of a bunch of rich, attractive twenty-somethings who run a high-class escort service. It’s pure trash, of course, but Sebastian enjoys the work. The show is now in its fourth season, and Sebastian’s character has been bumped up from a secondary character to the male lead after the departure of another actor. The ratings have fallen since, but it still has a decent number of viewers, so Sebastian’s not too worried. Soap opera acting isn’t what he wants to do forever, anyway. His agent has him going out on a lot of auditions, but for now, Sebastian is content to have a steady job in his field.

“Okay, buddy,” Sebastian starts as they enter Jamie’s bedroom. “What do you want to wear today?” He puts the boy down and watches him run to the dresser.

“Spider-man!” Jamie yells, throwing out his arm in an attempt to mimic Spider-man’s web-throwing motion. Spider-man is a new obsession for him, something that, like the discovery of the ability of grown-up phones to play cat videos, can be attributed to Vanessa’s older kids, Theo and Oliver.

“You wore your Spider-man shirt yesterday,” Sebastian reminds him.

“So?”

“So you got a pretty big juice stain on it, and if you want laundry done every single day, you’re going to have to hire a housekeeper.”

Jamie looks bewildered, but doesn’t reply. He digs through his shirt drawer until he finds an acceptable Spider-man substitute, then hands it to Sebastian.

“Good choice. You need pants, too. Not shorts, it’s kind of chilly out today.”

Jamie has a little more difficulty finding the perfect pair of pants, and Sebastian uses the spare moment to give his phone a quick glance. Upon seeing that he has a new email in his inbox, his heart starts beating faster. This could be it.

Sebastian deflates when he sees that the email is from his mother. He’d forwarded her the itinerary for his trip back to Ohio for Christmas, and she had written a few lines about how excited she was to see him, even though it was such a shame Jamie would be in New York with Rob. The reminder that he won’t be spending Christmas with his son doesn’t help the disappointment he’s feeling about not getting the email he’s been so anxiously awaiting.

“Did you pick a pair of pants yet?” Sebastian asks, trying to sound as cheerful as possible.

“These?” Jamie holds up a pair of dark jeans that Sebastian knows fit him well enough as long as he rolls them up a bit.

“Perfect,” Sebastian says, smiling at his son. “Now let’s get you dressed so we’re not late for school.”

When Jamie’s fully dressed and has taken one last trip to the bathroom, they still have ten minutes before they have to leave, so Sebastian does a quick search on his tablet for cat videos. Once he finds a playlist of what seems to be a bunch of completely harmless videos of cats doing stupid things, he hits play and sets it on the living room floor for Jamie to watch. Sebastian sits on the couch and checks his phone again. No new emails. It probably doesn’t mean anything, because sometimes it takes a few more hours to get a reply, but it still makes Sebastian nervous. He had tried to be casual about his question, not put too much pressure while still trying to make his intentions clear, but maybe it hadn’t read that way. Before he can stop himself, Sebastian’s opening his sent mail folder and clicking on the email he sent before he went to bed last night, ready to re-read it for what seems like the 10th time.

-

_November 21, 10:03 pm PST_

_To: Kurt <keh593>_

_From: Sebastian LS <seblawrencegp>_

_Subject: re: A ship worse than ‘Mack’_

_LOL, I wholeheartedly agree. Some people in this fandom really are delusional, but hey, that’s nothing new, right? I’m sure that post of yours will convert a few people, though. You have that kind of power!_

_On another note, do you remember us talking about maybe meeting up if I came to Ohio for Christmas? I know it was awhile ago, but I just finalized my plans, and I’m going to be around from December 23 until January 2nd, so if you have some free time in there, I’ll be mostly bored. I love my family, but there’s only so much I can take. Actually, there’s going to be a knock-off of the Radio City Christmas Spectacular at the Lima Playhouse until the new year, and it promises to be hilariously terrible. Maybe you heard about it? It seems like something we’d both enjoy mocking. Anyway, my mom knows people who work at the theater, and apparently, tickets are going fast? I can’t imagine why, but if you have a free night in that time frame and would like to go, let me know, I can have her get tickets for us. We could just go get dinner or something instead, if you’d prefer. Or we could do both, if we don’t hate each other on sight somehow, which doesn’t seem likely, since I haven’t found anything about you I don’t like yet :). I won’t lie, I really hope you’re free at some point. I haven’t been to the theater (or something that resembles it, I guess that’s a more accurate description of this) since my son was born. He’s great, but I think you’ll be much more pleasant company for this particular outing._

_I’m going to get to bed. I hope you slept well and have a good morning! I’ll wish upon a star that your terrible employee doesn’t offend anyone tomorrow! <3_

-

In the back office of Hummel Tire and Lube, Kurt lets out a dreamy sigh as he finishes reading Sebastian’s email for the third time. He can’t help it. He knows he’s probably being a bit too romantically optimistic, but Sebastian asked him out. Sebastian still wants to meet him and he has concrete dates that he will be in the area. He wants them to see a show and go out to dinner, _alone_. It looks like they’re finally going to meet in person, after seven months of talking (almost exactly seven months - Kurt had looked up when he received his first message from Sebastian, just in case that information needed to be used as some sort of anniversary in the future). It sounds a whole lot like a date.

It’s not just giddiness he’s feeling as he hits ‘reply,’ though. It’s been about 11 hours since he read the email for the first time, and he’s still not entirely sure how to respond. He’d had trouble sleeping after reading it, a strong sense of doubt tempering his excitement at the prospect of finally meeting the guy he’s been flirting with online. Kurt _wants_ to meet him, has wanted to for months, but it’s a strange situation. They’ve been careful up until now. Nothing is official yet. Despite strong implications on both sides that they have definitely crossed the friend line, they don’t even know each other’s full names. Until September, when they exchanged phone numbers so they could text, they hadn’t even known each other’s real first names, and had only called each other by the screen names they used online. Kurt doesn’t know what Sebastian looks like. He does know that Sebastian is 28, lives in LA, works as an actor, has a young son, and, like Kurt, has a shameful love for the hit teen television program _Godfrey Pride_. Well, a love that they probably _should_ consider shameful, anyway.

Kurt had been watching the show since it premiered last year, but it wasn’t until he’d moved from New York back to Ohio in April that he really fell in love. He joined the online fandom almost immediately, despite not having really participated in any fandoms since his teenage obsession with _Grey’s Anatomy._ It was easy to fall back into it. He’d needed the distraction as he prepared to spend a year living with his parents in his old house. Moving back to Lima at 29 after spending his youth so desperate to escape hadn’t been easy, but the decision had been the most logical. Finn’s wife had gotten pretty serious injuries in a car accident and needed a lot of help , and Finn was taking a leave of absence from managing the shop to take care of her and his eight-year-old stepdaughter, Lily. He could have promoted someone within the shop, but he told Kurt he and Burt both preferred that someone in the family be in charge. Kurt knew that Finn had been trying to do him a favor by asking him to take the job. Despite graduating with honors from NYADA, Kurt had been struggling to find acting jobs, and despite working as a receptionist and moonlighting at a coffee shop, he had started to fall behind on bills. He has a savings account that hardly anyone knows about that he’s been building up for years, supplemented by some money he had inherited when his grandmother died, with plans to one day start his own wedding planning business if the acting thing never pans out, and he had come dangerously close to having to tap into those funds. Going back to Ohio for a year to save money and help out his family made sense, and as awful as being a failure who had to move back in with his parents feels, Kurt thinks it might actually be a slight improvement from the constant panicked state he’d been in back in New York. The thought that he’s giving up a rent-free home and a steady job to go back there in five months is already troubling him.

Just like it was for him in his teen years, the show and its fandom have been a necessary escape from real life. The show is centered around a bunch of high school kids, and it’s aimed at a teenage audience, but Kurt’s fallen in love with the show’s male lead, a confident gay boy named Camden. He thinks if there had been someone like Camden on TV when he was high school, it would really have helped him out.

Sebastian loves Camden, too, and that’s how they met. Kurt had written a few pieces of fanfiction for the large ‘Timden’ portion of the fandom, who desperately hope that Camden and Tim, another gay character who’s still in the closet, will eventually admit their feelings for one another and get together. Despite Kurt’s own doubts about his writing skill (he guesses it’s more a lack of other tolerable writers than any great talent of his), his writing made him popular in the fandom pretty quickly. His in-depth episode analyses are read and commented on by hundreds of people each week, and he has tons of people sending him messages. Most of them are nice, and the rude ones always come from anonymous commenters or the fandom’s known lunatics. He _likes_ getting hateful comments, actually, because it really gives him a chance to flex his snark muscle when he replies.

“Hey, Kurt?” says a voice from the doorway, startling Kurt from his thoughts.

“I’m on lunch right now, Dan,” he replies. “Is it important?”

“There’s a lady out here who wants to talk to whoever’s in charge. I could get someone else to pretend, if-”

“No, no,” Kurt says, minimizing his email and getting up from behind the desk. “Let me guess. You were hitting on her, and she’s offended.” It’s not the first time Kurt’s had to apologize to a customer after an incident like this. Dan is a close friend of Finn’s, though, and the brother of a police officer who had apparently helped Puck and Finn out of a situation that they all refuse to share the details of. Firing Dan isn’t an option during Kurt’s year here, but the guy drives him crazy. He’s a decent enough mechanic, and Kurt has given him express instructions to not deal directly with customers, but the guy can’t seem to help himself whenever an attractive woman is involved.

“I was just saying she looked good and she should give me her number,” Dan says as he and Kurt leave the office. “I don’t see how that’s offensive.”

Kurt sighs. “Most people don’t want to be hit on every time they come to get their car serviced, Dan. This is not the place to meet women.”

“Well, where the hell am I supposed to meet people in this town?”

“I don’t know. Try the Internet.”

Dan rolls his eyes. “Dude, I’m not _that_ desperate.”

“Well, then you can die alone, I guess. Work isn’t the place for this. Stay back here while I fix this, okay?”

Kurt’s years of experience at menial jobs in the service industry have made him quite adept at dealing with enraged customers, and his time spent working with brides-to-be in the wedding planning business helped. His training in acting is useful, too, but whenever he’s apologizing for Dan’s behavior, he doesn’t need to rely on that. There’s no pretending involved here, because he is always legitimately ashamed of what Dan’s done. It takes Kurt awhile to talk with the woman, say he understands, apologize profusely, arrange for her to get a large discount, and give Dan another lecture and strict warning to stay away from customers. By the time he sits back down at the computer in the back office, an hour has passed. His reply email still has no words, and though he knows that Sebastian’s at work by now and probably not too bothered by the late reply, Kurt feels bad for the delay. He’s usually replied to Sebastian’s emails by this point in the day, and emails with a specific question, like today’s, he usually answers quickly when he wakes up in the morning. He’s just still having trouble figuring out how exactly to word the response. He doesn’t want to sound excited and scare him off, or sound completely unenthusiastic and make it seem like he’s not interested. Dating is complicated, and every relationship he’s had since Blaine has been characterized by confusion, doubt, and discomfort in its early stages. Things are even more difficult now that the other guy is someone Kurt hasn’t met and only communicates with through written words.

Kurt thinks this relationship is worth it, though. He had never expected to find someone so much like him in the fandom for a show about high school kids. Sebastian’s gay, close to his age, and he has a degree in acting, too. In a fandom filled predominantly with females in their teens and early twenties, Sebastian feels like an oasis in the middle of a desert. While Kurt appreciates the power trip that comes with being well-known in the fandom, he’s much more fulfilled by the personal connection he’s made with Sebastian. Kurt’s glad that Sebastian had so strongly agreed with Kurt’s rant on the treatment of the show’s transgender characters by the fandom that he felt the need to private message him in hopes of discussing it further. Since that day in late April, Kurt doesn’t think they’ve gone a full 24 hours without speaking online. They even started watching the show together when it came back from hiatus in September, Sebastian watching live on the west coast after putting his son to bed and Kurt watching the version he recorded three hours earlier while they trade instant messages. He looks forward to Wednesday nights all week. Sebastian helps him get through his days working at a job he doesn’t care for in this town he despises. Kurt can’t believe they might finally have the chance to meet each other in person and see how compatible they really are.

There are issues, of course. Kurt’s in Ohio, and heading back to New York in April or May, and Sebastian lives in LA. Kurt’s done long distance relationships before, and he’d rather not do it again. Sebastian is also a single parent to a young boy, which is something Kurt has never experienced in his dating life. Most young gay guys just aren’t single dads. Kurt hasn’t asked for the full details about this part of Sebastian’s life, and Sebastian hasn’t offered them. Kurt’s not even sure the exact age of the child, only that he’s not old enough to have started kindergarten yet. The only child Kurt’s familiar with is Finn’s stepdaughter, and she was five when he met her. He’s glad Sebastian made it clear that his son would not be at their theater date, because Kurt’s not even sure how to handle young kids. Even Lily, who is old enough to mostly behave like a human being, still befuddles him sometimes. If Kurt had to deal with the peculiarities of a young child in addition to the pressure of meeting Sebastian in person for the first time, it probably wouldn’t go well. But the kid does exist, and if anything serious ever does happen between them, it might be an issue.

Kurt knows he’s getting ahead of himself. They talk online and happen to have parents that live in the same area of Ohio, and maybe when they meet, there will be no actual chemistry. Maybe they’ll just remain good friends that enjoy watching and discussing _Godfrey Pride_ with each other.

It’s not what Kurt wants, though, so he vows to be as open as possible in his reply. He straightens his back, takes a deep breath, and starts typing.

-

_November 22, 12:53 pm EST_

_To: Sebastian LS <seblawrencegp>_

_From: Kurt <keh593>_

_Subject: re: re: A ship worse than ‘Mack’_

_Hey, Sebastian! Sorry the response is a bit later than usual. Clearly you need to work on your star-wishing, because my least favorite employee has already offended someone today. My lunch got interrupted by an emergency customer intervention. The guy is a menace, I swear._

_Anyway, I’d love to see you over Christmas! Honestly, besides the 24 and 25th, I’m free every night. And that show does sound truly terrible. It’s being advertised on the community board at the shop, and I’d actually been considering going just to laugh at it. It would be an honor to mock it with you (silently and mostly through facial expressions during the show itself - we’re not_ terrible _people, after all) I’m sure you have a busier schedule that week than I do, visiting all your family while you’re in town, so please, pick whatever night works best for you, and just let me know._

_By the way, have you seen the spoilers going around this morning about Brock and Matt? (I still can’t call them Mack. HOW IS THEIR SHIP NAME NOT BRATT?!)) I know we agreed to avoid spoilers, but these are for after winter hiatus so that doesn’t count, right? Okay, I know I shouldn’t have looked. If you have somehow managed to remain strong in the face of such spoilery adversity, I won’t spill, but if you have succumbed, we MUST discuss the potential of these new developments._

_Okay, my lunch was cut short by the incompetence of others, and I have to get back to working on the schedule. Have a great day at work! Are we still on for tomorrow night? I feel like I’ve been waiting for this Thanksgiving episode my whole life._

_Kurt_

-

As soon as he finishes reading the email, Sebastian lets out the breath he’s been holding. He’d actually seen the email notification on his last filming break an hour ago, but he hadn’t worked up the courage to open it until now. He wishes he hadn’t waited. Maybe the director wouldn’t be so annoyed with him for screwing up all of his lines if he’d been able to get this weight off his chest before. It’s official, though. Kurt wants to meet him. They’re going to meet, go out, see if they click in person the way they do online. They will, though. How could they not? He and Kurt had first started talking only a few short weeks after Sebastian started poking around the _Godfrey Pride_ fandom. It was Sebastian’s first foray into fandom since his _Gossip Girl_ obsession started in middle school, and despite Sebastian being a nobody in this fandom and Kurt having thousands of people hanging on his every eloquent word, they had found each other and made a connection. Sebastian had turned to fandom mainly for an escape from the isolation of being a single parent, and Kurt has given him that. He has someone to talk to that he isn’t related to, someone who asks about his day and actually cares about the answer, someone he can dream about a future with.

Sebastian knows he might be getting a little ahead of himself, because no matter how well they end up getting along, they still live on different sides of the country. When Kurt moves back to New York in the spring, they’ll be even farther apart, and Sebastian’s been trying to ignore the overeager part of his brain that keeps reminding him that his ex lives in New York, too, so it wouldn’t be completely crazy to consider moving there himself in June instead of renewing his contract with the show. He just hasn’t gotten to experience the giddy, light feeling of a new relationship in almost a decade, and the thought that he could have some sort of real future with the wonderful guy he’s grown so attached to in the past seven months is thrilling.

“Hey, Smythe, we have to run that scene again!” calls the director. “Think you can remember your lines this time?” His tone is teasing, but not cruel. Sebastian hardly ever screws up, so he knows today’s flubs aren’t going to get him in any real trouble.

“Yeah, sorry about that,” Sebastian says, pocketing his phone. “I’m ready now. I won’t screw it up this time.”  


	2. Chapter 2

For Sebastian, the hardest part of raising a child with someone he’s no longer married to is pretending like he doesn’t despise every little thing about his ex-husband. He can handle the potty-training, the tantrums, the early wake-up calls, the expensive gadgets destroyed as soon as he takes his eye off of Jamie for two seconds, no problem, but dealing so closely with Rob is a fucking nightmare. Pretending that it’s _not_ a nightmare whenever Jamie’s in earshot, especially on days he’s forced to have direct communication with his ex, requires a restraint that Sebastian never dreamed he could possess.

It’s Thursday, Jamie and Rob’s normal Skype day, and Sebastian’s getting Jamie settled in front of the laptop to start the call. Sebastian and Rob have already argued today, when Rob was offended by Sebastian calling to ask if 4 pm New York time was still okay for the weekly call. Apparently, since that’s their normal time, Sebastian is never allowed to ask if Rob is sure he can make it, even though Rob routinely misses calls without warning, which makes Jamie upset.

“Jesus, Sebastian, not all of us have nice, cushy jobs with set hours,” Rob had said. “Sometimes I have a last minute gig, and-”

“Really, we’re going to have this argument again?” Sebastian was still in the parking lot at work at the time, and without Jamie around, had no qualms about being rude. “Quit acting like a starving fucking artist, Rob, your grandmother pays your rent.”

“Right, and you got where you are today without _any_ assistance from your family.”

“I couldn’t care less who pays your bills, as long as it’s not me. What I care about is you actually making your son a priority for the one small portion of your week that you’re willing to dedicate to him. I’m not sure why that’s so difficult for you.”

The argument had proceeded in its usual fashion, covering Rob’s selfishness and irresponsibility, Sebastian’s rigidity and blind optimism. They fight less now than they did when Rob still lived in Los Angeles and had an active role in caring for Jamie. Despite Rob’s move being the card Sebastian always played to feel like he’d won any argument, he actually finds life a lot more peaceful with his ex 3,000 miles away. Jamie hasn’t adjusted too poorly, either. Sebastian and Rob had broken things off before Jamie’s first birthday, and Sebastian had primary custody from then on. Rob had moved back to New York last year. He’d never really wanted to come to LA in the first place, which had caused a lot of trouble between him and Sebastian, and Rob claimed that the music scene in New York would be more open to his particular brand of whiny singer-songwriter bullshit, but even before he’d left the state, Rob had only seen Jamie two or three times a week. These days, Jamie enjoys spending time with Rob when he’s in town, and manages to babble on for at least 20 minutes whenever they Skype, which is a long time for Jamie to stay in one place. Jamie doesn’t seem to miss Rob terribly in the interim, though, which had been Sebastian’s main concern when Rob moved. It’s only a problem when Jamie is specifically told that he’s going to talk to or see Rob and then doesn’t that he gets truly upset. Unfortunately, Rob does this fairly often.

It’s been three hours since they fought and Sebastian’s still seething. With all the other stuff he’s had on his mind since he and Kurt made an official date for the day after Christmas, he really doesn’t need Rob’s added stress. He’s gotten good at hiding his feelings from Jamie, though, and he sets up the video call with no problems, and sits just out of view on the couch as Jamie chatters on excitedly from the floor, describing an interaction he had with Morgan at her house that day. His mind drifts to Kurt as he watches the two of them talk. Is this what a long distance relationship between them would be like, chatting via webcam? It’s more intimate than chatting online, but he wonders if it’s enough to keep an important relationship going. He’s not sure it’s working out so well for Jamie and Rob.

It’s been a week and a half since Sebastian and Kurt made plans to meet while Sebastian’s in Ohio for Christmas, and things between them haven’t changed much. They still don’t know each other’s last names, still haven’t shared pictures. It wouldn’t be that big of a deal in a different situation, maybe, but Sebastian knows he has to come clean soon. He’s not exactly a huge star, but he gets recognized often enough to know that people are watching the show. Kurt knows he’s an actor, but Sebastian’s never given any details on his job. If Kurt’s seen the show and Sebastian gives him no warning... well, their first date is going to be awkward. If Kurt doesn’t watch the show, it will still feel liberating to let him know what he’s in for before they meet in person. Sebastian’s kept his secret for good reason, not wanting to have his fandom blog become public knowledge. He’s taking a risk meeting Kurt, but it’s a risk he’s been considering for months now, one he can’t even imagine _not_ taking at this point. He’s just having trouble figuring out the best way to broach the topic without sounding like he’s bragging. The current plan is to casually bring up pictures, not because he needs to know what Kurt looks like, of course (though he’s sure Kurt’s as anxious as he is to put a face to the person), but so they have an idea of who to look for when they meet up. Then Sebastian can just offer to tell him what show he works on, and it’s killing two birds with one stone.

He puts the plan into action a few days later when he notices that Kurt’s been posting on his blog all morning. It’s a Sunday, so it’s not that strange for Kurt to be online during the day. Since Jamie is entertaining himself with a set of blocks and some large toy cars, Sebastian sends Kurt a message, and they talk for a few minutes over the email chat client before Sebastian brings up exchanging pictures.

 **Kurt:** Ah,I see. You don’t want to be stunned into silence by my beauty the first time we see each other? Which is in exactly three weeks, not that I’m counting down the days or anything.

 **Sebastian:** Shiiit, you figured me out.

 **Kurt:** I knew it!

 **Sebastian:** And you’re not the only one counting days.

 **Kurt:** :)

 **Sebastian:** Honestly, it’s mainly an excuse for me to tell you what my job is so you can watch me in action.

 **Kurt:** So I can let you know if I like what I see?

 **Sebastian:** Well I doubt you’ll like the show. Most sane people don’t.

 **Kurt:** You’re on a show? A show on television?

 **Sebastian:** Yeah, a soap opera. It’s on NBC.

 **Kurt:** omg!! Which one?!

 **Sebastian:** You like soap operas, huh?

 **Kurt:** I haven’t seen once since middle school, but I did appreciate their flair for the melodramatic. Tell meeeee!

 **Sebastian:** I don’t know, this seems like more fun :)

 **Kurt:** I hate you.

 **Sebastian:** I don’t think that’s even a little bit true.

 **Kurt:** :( Okay, it’s not. But I have to leave to pick up my parents at the airport in about 30 seconds, and it would be rude of you to leave me in suspense.

 **Sebastian:** Oh, your parents are back today? That’s nice.

 **Kurt:** SEBASTIAN!

 **Sebastian:** :P

 **Sebastian:** It’s called Desire Street. I play Adrian Chevalier.

 **Kurt:** Ooh la la! This sounds both ridiculous and amazing. I can’t believe you never told me you were on a tv show!!

 **Sebastian:** Well it’s not exactly the sort of information I want the whole fandom to know.

 **Kurt:** That makes sense. I’m marathoning as soon as I get back. And then I’ll just add you on Facebook or something, because if I have to choose a picture to show you it will cause me far too much distress.

 **Kurt:** And obviously I will keep it to myself! You don’t have to worry. I really do have to go now, sorry :(

 **Sebastian:** I deleted my Facebook a while ago, actually, because so many strangers kept adding me because of the show. We’ll figure something out, though. You can send me however many pictures you want.

 **Sebastian:** And I know you won’t tell anyone. It’s fine! Drive safe, and don’t judge me too much when you watch the show!

 **Kurt:** You are an actor with a job. I am an actor living with my parents. I will judge you for nothing.

 **Sebastian:** Haaa, we’ll see. I’ll talk to you later, Kurt.

 **Kurt:** Bye! Have a lovely morning <3

Kurt’s name fades, indicating that he’s signed off, and in addition the normal fluttery feeling Sebastian is left with after speaking with Kurt so directly, he’s also left feeling nervous. Kurt hadn’t taken the news poorly, though. He seemed impressed and excited to watch, but it’s still the first time Kurt’s ever going to see what he looks like. And watch him _act._ Sebastian has no doubts that he’s a decent actor, but the material on the show doesn’t really allow him to showcase his talent much. The rational part of his brain knows Kurt is unlikely to be so turned off by watching the show that he cancels all of their future plans, but the irrational part of his brain really, _really_ needs a distraction for the next few hours.

“Look, Daddy!” Jamie calls suddenly, breaking his concentrated silence to show off a structure just shorter than himself comprised of blocks. It’s shaky and the design makes no sense, but it’s probably the tallest Sebastian’s ever seen him build.

“Wow. That’s really tall!”

“Uh huh.” Jamie leans down and grabs one of the toy cars and places it on a block that’s near the top of the structure. The structure wobbles even more, but still stays upright.

“Is it a road? Is the car driving somewhere?”

Jamie nods emphatically. “It drived to the park,” he explains.

“Oh, is that the bridge we drive over when we go to the park?”

Jamie thinks for a moment before giving a decisive nod. “Yes. And it’s gonna go on the swings!”

“They have swings big enough for cars?”

“Uh huh.” When Jamie turns to pick up another car, his shoulder clips one of the blocks that’s jutting out a bit too far, and most of the structure crashes to the floor around him. Jamie’s face crumples immediately. The blocks aren’t heavy, so Sebastian’s not concerned about Jamie being hurt, but he’d really love to stop a total meltdown if at all possible.

“Wow,” he says before Jamie can start sobbing. “That looked really cool.”

Jamie looks over at Sebastian, lip quivering. “It fell down.”

“Well, yeah, that’s the best part of building,” Sebastian tells him. “When you get to knock it down! Look, you still have some left to knock down!”

Jamie doesn’t look convinced, but he’s not crying, either, and after some more encouragement, he kicks down the remaining blocks, and, after seeing that Sebastian is laughing, he laughs, too.

“Do you want to build something else, or do you want to go out? It’s really nice out, so we could go to the park and use the people-sized swings, if you want.”

Jamie’s face lights up, and he jumps up and down a few times. “Yesss!”

Sebastian smiles, happy that he’ll have a reason to get out of the house and attempt to keep his mind off of the fact that Kurt is going to start watching _Desire Street_ within a few hours. “Okay, let me just call Aunt Vanessa and see if Morgan and her brothers want to come, then we’ll potty and get shoes on and go, okay?”

“Kay!”

-

At first, Kurt thinks the name is just a coincidence. Surely, there are quite a few Sebastian Smythes in the world. There are a lot of Sebastians, that much Kurt knows. He’d had a few classmates at NYADA named Sebastian, and the last guy he dated had been named Sebastian as well. Sebastians are everywhere. How unfortunate, though, that this Sebastian also shares a surname with someone Kurt truly despised back in high school.

It takes a few more clicks on the show’s IMDB page to find that this Sebastian Smythe looks shockingly similar to the boy Kurt had known, a decade older and with longer hair than Kurt remembers. He’s not completely convinced, though, until he starts streaming the show’s latest episode at the network’s website and he hears Sebastian’s familiar drawl. There’s no way it could possibly be anybody else.

Kurt’s dialing Blaine’s number before he’s even completely registered his shock. He’d just wanted to come home from picking up his family, curl up in bed, and watch his sort of maybe online boyfriend who _must_ be pretty attractive if he’s on a soap opera. He can’t believe this is happening.

“Hey, Kurt,” Blaine answers, sounding cheerful and bright. “What’s up?”

Kurt is too flustered to attempt pleasantries. “Are you busy right now? Do you have a few minutes?”

“I’m killing a little time window shopping, and I’m meeting Brandon in a little while for another cake tasting. Is something wrong?”

“Is this one at Lola’s?” Kurt asks, unable to help being distracted by wedding planning details. Blaine’s fiancé and Kurt are not sworn enemies, but they’re not terribly close, either. They’d met when Blaine started volunteering at the LGBT youth center Brandon had started, and despite Kurt’s lack of affection for the guy, he and Blaine really do have a relationship Kurt envies. He’s happy for both of them and he has no regrets about accepting Blaine’s request for him to be a groomsman at the wedding, even if he is still a little bitter about being shut out of most of the wedding plans.

“No, this new place on West 74th.”

“If you don’t pick Lola’s, you’re an idiot.”

“We’re going to check them out, I think. But this place is more into the alternative recipes, and some of Brandon’s friends have dietary restrictions, so-”

“Restrictions they put on themselves,” Kurt interrupts. “And it’s _your_ wedding, not theirs.”

“Or yours,” Blaine points out, but Kurt can hear the smile in his voice. “So what’s up, Kurt? How are things?”

“Fine,” Kurt says. “Do you remember Sebastian?”

“Um... slushie Sebastian or lizard-hoarder Sebastian?”

“He doesn’t _hoard_ lizards, Blaine,” Kurt huffs. “Having 10 of something doesn’t make someone a hoarder.”

Blaine snorts. “When they’re lizards, it totally does. What, are you thinking of starting that up again when you get back to the city? Because that guy is really weird and I’d prefer it if he wasn’t your date to the wedding. Or anything else that involves me. Ever.”

Kurt rolls his eyes and leans back against his headboard. “Noted _._ I meant Sebastian from high school, anyway.”

“Ah, yes. How could I forget?”

“Yeah, it’s hard to forget people who put you in the hospital,” Kurt agrees. “Did you know he was on a soap opera?”

Blaine laughs. “I did, actually. _Desire Street_ , right? Brandon got totally hooked on it when he was at home recovering after his appendectomy last year. I couldn’t believe it when I saw Sebastian!”

“You knew and you didn’t tell me?!”

“Since when have you wanted news about Sebastian Smythe?”

“I want news about anyone I know who’s famous!”

“I think famous is probably stretching it,” Blaine says. “He’s on a daytime soap. Maybe some old ladies know who he is.”

Kurt sighs. “I can’t believe _Sebastian_ has a steady acting job and I’m living with my parents and working at a tire shop.”

“Oh, stop,” Blaine chastises him. “You’re helping out your family. It’s noble! And you’ll be back here in the spring to take the city by storm again, anyway.”

“Again? When did I take it by storm the first time? I haven’t acted in anything in years!” He sighs, but continues before Blaine can launch into a pep talk. “I just can’t believe Sebastian is on TV. That’s... crazy.”

“I guess so,” Blaine says. “Is that how boring life back in Ohio is, though? You’ve resorted to watching soap operas?”

Kurt bites his lip, unsure of how much to tell Blaine about this. He’s kept the whole fandom thing a secret from pretty much everyone, but Blaine had known about his previous fandoms back in high school and college, and even been in a few himself. “Um... not exactly. I’ve sort of... reconnected with Sebastian recently. We’ve been talking.”

“Yeah?” Blaine sounds confused. “Doesn’t he live in LA, though?”

“We’ve been talking online. I actually didn’t even know it was him until today.”

“What? Is this like, online dating or...?”  
  


“Not quite,” Kurt says, feeling a blush creep into his cheeks. “We, um, both really like this show, _Godfrey Pride_? And...”

“Oh my god! Are you writing fanfiction again?”

“I really don’t think that’s relevant to-.”

“You are! And keeping it from me!” Blaine gasps, pretending to be offended. “Please tell me Sebastian writes, too. And send me links!”

“He doesn’t,” Kurt snaps. “And anyway, that doesn’t have anything to do with my problem!”

“What _is_ the problem?”

Kurt thinks for a moment, clutching the phone tighter in his hand as he tries to come up with a succinct way to explain. “We’ve been talking for seven months, and we’ve gotten really close, and I didn’t even know he was on a soap opera until _today_ , and now it’s like... not only is he on a soap opera, but he’s also this guy I hated from high school! And he doesn’t know who I am yet, and we were supposed to go on a date when he came to Ohio for the holidays... Blaine, _stop laughing!_ ”

“Sorry,” Blaine says, trying to calm down. “Sorry, this is just... _insane._ This would only happen to you, Kurt.”

“I know,” Kurt replies miserably. “Maybe... maybe he’s not actually Sebastian? Maybe he’s lying, trying to be impress me?”

“I don’t know, Kurt. I think if he were lying about who he is to seduce guys over the Internet, he’d aim a little higher than Sebastian Smythe.”

“Maybe he thought if he picked someone more famous, I wouldn’t believe it.”

“Didn’t you say you’ve been talking to this guy for seven months?” Blaine asks. “I mean, you made a date with him, right? Surely you trust him.”

“I did, before I found out he may or may not be Sebastian Smythe.”

“I think you’re being paranoid. I’m going to have to start watching this show now, if the two of you love it so much. Then you can send me your stories!”

“Yeah, that’s not happening.”

“Well, that’s no fun,” Blaine says. Kurt can practically hear him pouting. “I always liked your writing.”

“You tolerated it because you were sleeping with me.”

Blaine laughs. “That’s only, like, 75% true.”

“You’re a real pal, Blaine.”

“I try! So what do you think you’re going to do about Sebastian?”

“I don’t know,” Kurt says. “I guess just... tell him my name and see if he has any reaction to it? If he doesn’t call me a girl or something, I’ll know something’s up.”

“He’s not going to do that if he likes you!”

“He’s not going to like me when he finds out who I am!”

“Why not?” Blaine asks. “Don’t you still like him?”

“I... I don’t know. It doesn’t even seem like him. _If_ it’s him!” Kurt isn’t sure how to reconcile the two Sebastians in his mind. The Sebastian he’s gotten to know in the past seven months has been sweet and attentive and... okay, pretty sarcastic, and not terribly nice to people he took issue with, but Kurt still never could have predicted this.

“If you’re really worried it might not be him, maybe you shouldn’t tell him your full name?” Blaine suggests. “You don’t want to give all your info out to some weird stalker guy. I really have to get going now, okay? I have cake to taste! We’ll talk later, though.”

“Enjoy,” Kurt says. “It won’t be as good as Lola’s, though. Say hi to Brandon for me.”

“And send Sebastian my love!” Blaine chirps. “Bye!”

“I hope your cake tastes terrible,” Kurt mutters as he ends the call.

He doesn’t get back to Sebastian right away. He _can’t_ , not when he’s not even sure what to say. Blaine’s probably right - it’s a bit far-fetched to believe that it’s someone pretending to be Sebastian. It’s probably even _more_ ridiculous to believe that it is Sebastian Smythe, and he’s known who Kurt was all along, and this has all been the set-up to a very elaborate joke. It’s been a decade since they’ve even seen each other, and someone would have to be a complete psychopath to try and plot revenge for that long, to go to such lengths to get somebody attached to them just to hurt them. Kurt hadn’t even really done anything to Sebastian. It wouldn’t make sense.

He watches a few more recent episodes of _Desire Street_ , marveling at the fact that someone he knows is actually on TV. It’s a truly ridiculous show and the content seems a bit risqué for a show that airs at one in the afternoon, but Kurt can see why people get addicted to soaps.

It’s after 11 when Kurt finally decides he has to get back with Sebastian. If Sebastian is who he says he is, and really doesn’t know that he’s talking to the Kurt he knew in high school, then he’s probably been waiting for a response all day, wondering if Kurt thought he was ugly or a terrible actor or something, and never wanted to speak with him again. Kurt’s not looking forward to revealing the news, but he knows there’s no avoiding it, and if he doesn’t do it before he goes to bed, he probably won’t sleep. He’s been avoiding his computer all day, not wanting Sebastian to message him before he was ready to talk. Kurt’s not sure if he really has any interest in pursuing a relationship with Sebastian Smythe, but no matter how much he thinks it might be easier to just stop the relationship in its tracks and never reveal to Sebastian what he’s learned, Kurt knows he owes the other man an explanation, at least, so they can decide what to do.

Sebastian’s online when Kurt sits at his desk and opens up his email client, and he feels a pang of regret knowing that Sebastian has probably been waiting for him, anxious to hear his opinion. Before Kurt can finish typing out a greeting, a message from Sebastian pops up, and after a few minutes of small talk peters out into an extended silence, Kurt knows it will be up to him to bring up the show. He braces himself, takes a deep breath, and starts typing.

 **Kurt:** So... I watched a few episodes of your show.

 **Sebastian:** Wow, don’t sound so enthusiastic! Should I have told you about the laundry detergent commercial instead?

 **Kurt:** You’ve been in commercials, too? Is there anything you haven’t done?

 **Sebastian:** Um.. like everything else? I’ve done two commercials and a soap opera, I’m not Brad Pitt.

 **Kurt:** I know, I saw.

 **Sebastian:** And...?

 **Kurt:** Are you fishing for compliments?

 **Sebastian:** Any sort of reaction will do, I’ve been nervous all day. Compliments are preferable, of course.

 **Kurt:** You can relax, you’re very attractive and I found your acting to be very impressive in spite of the limitations of the genre.

 **Sebastian:** … but? You were a lot more enthusiastic this morning.

 **Kurt:** Well, this is kind of weird, but I guess there’s nothing else to do but come out and say it.

 **Sebastian:** Okay that sounds scary.

 **Kurt:** It sort of is. I think I knew you in high school.

 **Sebastian:** Really? In Ohio, I’m guessing? Did you go to Dalton?

Kurt sighs and leans back in his chair. He’d been hoping Sebastian would figure out who he was just with that detail. The fact that he hasn’t makes Kurt go back to wondering if this isn’t even Sebastian at all. Despite the strangeness of the situation, Kurt desperately hopes that the guy on the other side of the screen is Sebastian Smythe, truly unaware of who he’s talking to. Any other situation would break Kurt’s heart.

 **Kurt:** I did go to Dalton for a little while, not at the same time as you, though. I went to McKinley.

 **Sebastian:** Yeah, I did know a few people from McKinley.

 **Sebastian:** Wait

 **Sebastian:** Holy shit, Kurt HUMMEL!?

 **Kurt:** How many other Kurts did you know in high school?

Instead of a reply, Kurt receives a message asking him to connect to video chat with Sebastian. He stares at it in confusion for a moment, still distracted by the relief flooding over him because Sebastian didn’t seem to be misleading him in any way. Once he registers what Sebastian is asking of him, he still doesn’t accept the invite right away. It’s late, he’s in his pajamas, they’ve never done this before, and if Sebastian’s going to mock him, Kurt thinks he’d prefer it not be face to face.

 **Sebastian:** Come on, I have to see this to believe it, this is insane.

Kurt relents despite his doubts, a little eager to see the proof himself, and it’s only a few seconds before the same face Kurt spent hours watching today appears on his screen. Sebastian’s leaning forward toward his screen, hair falling over his face, looking shocked but not upset.

“I can’t believe this,” he says, shaking his head. “I spent months stressing out about meeting a guy I already knew!”

“Yeah, I was pretty shocked, too.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t let me know as soon as you figured it out!” Sebastian’s eyes are sparkling, he looks amused and happy and not at all malicious, but Kurt is having trouble sharing the joy. This isn’t the Sebastian he knew.

“I didn’t really know how to break the news,” he says. “It’s... basically the weirdest thing that’s ever happened to me, and we didn’t exactly get along in high school...”

Sebastian snorts. “That’s an understatement.”

“I didn’t know if I should just... stop speaking with you, and try and forget this ever happened, or what,” Kurt admits.

“I’m glad you didn’t,” Sebastian says, looking serious now. “That would have been really awful for me.”

“Yeah, I know,” Kurt says, looking down.

They’re both quiet for a moment before Sebastian speaks again, sounding more upbeat. “You know, I literally have only met _one_ person named Kurt in my life, and I knew you lived in Lima, and that you were a year older than me, and yet it never even crossed my mind that it might be you I was talking to.”

“I have an excuse, at least,” Kurt says, giving him a small smile. “I have an ex named Sebastian, and some classmates from college. My life has been full of Sebastians.”

“Yeah, you have more of an excuse,” agrees Sebastian. “And I was being purposely vague because I didn’t want to tell anyone I wasn’t really close to who I was, so that didn’t help, I guess.”

“I still can’t believe it’s you.”

Sebastian laughs. “How do you think I feel? You’ve had hours to process this, I’ve only had a few minutes.” He pauses for a moment. “Now that I know, though, it sort of makes sense. Like, I’m thinking about how you word your posts, the way you talk about people you don’t like... I see it. I can totally see how it would be you.”

“I’m... still having trouble with that part,” Kurt says. He’s already starting to feel comfortable with this Sebastian, who has Sebastian Smythe’s face but with Internet Sebastian’s caring and good humor. He seems like a completely different person. “I guess we didn’t know each other very well in high school.”

“I guess not.”

They gaze at each other for a moment without speaking, still overwhelmed by their discovery. Eventually, Kurt attempts to move the conversation to a lighter place again.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Of course,” Sebastian replies.

“Do you know who the father of Renee’s baby is? Because the episodes online are like a week behind and it’s been driving me nuts all day.”

Sebastian bursts into laughter, ignoring Kurt’s protests that he was being 100% serious, and when Sebastian calms down a minute later, he looks away from the screen.

“Shit, I’ve been being a little loud,” he tells Kurt. “I can hear my son upstairs, and I have to go make sure he goes back to bed. I’ll talk to you later, though?”

“Oh, I’m probably going to go to bed, it’s late.”

“Okay, tomorrow, then. Good night, Kurt.”

“Night.”

Sebastian ends the chat and his face disappears from Kurt’s screen. Kurt leans back in his chair, staring up at the ceiling. The conversation had been going so well despite Kurt’s earlier concerns, but Kurt had forgotten one important detail about Sebastian since he found out his true identity, and it’s a fact that’s much harder for Kurt to reconcile than any of the others, something that had been an issue before but seems even more pressing now.

Sebastian Smythe, Kurt’s high school nemesis and the guy he’s been falling for online, has a kid.


	3. Chapter 3

As strange as it sounds, Sebastian’s not upset to to find out that the Kurt he’s been talking to for the past seven months is the same Kurt he knew in high school. It’s unexpected and a little bizarre, sure, but it’s comforting, too, to know that they know each other. Sebastian is excited once he gets over the shock. After all of the worrying he’d done about finally revealing his identity to the guy he feels so strongly about, it’s a relief to know there are no secrets anymore. They know each other, they’ve met each other, and when they meet up, it won’t be for the first time. It takes a lot of stress out of the whole situation. It doesn’t hurt that Kurt’s attractive, too. Sebastian hadn’t been overly concerned about how Kurt looks, but to say he’s not happy that he’s not getting ready to go on a date with someone he’s not attracted to would be a lie. Kurt was never ugly, and if the short time they spent talking via webcam is any indication, he’s even better looking than he was back in high school.

Almost immediately after that conversation, Sebastian lets himself fall even deeper into the fantasy world he’s been creating for them over the past few months. He has a face, a body, and a voice to add to the guy he dreams about, the guy who presses up behind Sebastian in bed, draping a protective arm across his midsection and kissing his shoulder, murmuring ‘I love you’ into his ear before they fall asleep. Now, Sebastian feels more certain than ever that this idyllic scene could be his reality in the future. The coincidence of finding one person to connect to online and having that one person be someone Sebastian already knows is too much of a sign for him to believe otherwise. Long distance relationships are always hard, but now that they’ve spoken and realized that they know each other, things can only get easier. There’s nothing to hide anymore, no reason to use just written words. The emails and texts are fun, but now they can replace their ‘good morning’ and ‘good night’ texts with actual phone calls. They can arrange Skype dates and look into each other’s eyes when the distance starts to feel like too much. Sebastian can’t imagine how anything bad could come from this new step in their relationship.

Unfortunately, it’s becoming increasingly apparent that Kurt does not feel the same. Since they spoke on Sunday night, Kurt hasn’t initiated any contact. Sebastian had expected phone calls and Skype dates, but they haven’t done anything but email and text, and Kurt’s responses are always brief and to the point, answering specific questions but not offering anything else. He even made an excuse to skip their Wednesday tradition of watching _Godfrey Pride_ together as it aired on the west coast. Kurt’s never been this distant or evasive in the seven months they’ve been speaking. Even at the very beginning of their correspondence, as total strangers, Kurt had been open and talkative.

It takes a few days for Sebastian to realize that the problem might be that Kurt honestly isn’t over what happened between them in high school. For Sebastian, it had been easy to move on. He’d never really despised Kurt. He was fun to mock, easy to mess with, and Sebastian disliked his smug, condescending attitude. It wasn’t a big deal for Sebastian, though. He’d moved on once he stopped seeing Kurt around. He hadn’t even thought about Kurt in years. For Kurt, though, it was probably a bigger issue. Sebastian had tried to steal his boyfriend, put said boyfriend in the hospital in a prank gone terribly wrong, and then almost cheated that boyfriend and the rest of Kurt’s former glee club out of a trip to Regionals. Kurt can be sweet, kind, and understanding, but Sebastian’s known since high school that Kurt’s the kind of guy you want to have on your side, because he can be vicious if he has a good reason to dislike you. Kurt probably still dislikes Sebastian, or at least doesn’t trust him, and Sebastian’s not sure how to fix the problem. What good is an apology, or a long message detailing all of the ways that he is a better person now than he was when he was 17? Kurt knows him as he is now. Sebastian may not have shared his full name or given the details of his job until recently, but he hasn’t been anything less than genuine, and it pisses Sebastian off to think that Kurt might think otherwise. Beyond that, it _hurts._

By Friday, Sebastian has worked himself up into quite a panic over Kurt’s short and formal emails. Kurt hasn’t even replied to the email Sebastian wrote him the night before, even though it’s almost 6 pm. Sebastian hasn’t forced the issue with Kurt yet. All of their emails this week have focused more on the show and the fandom than anything else, so Kurt not replying is especially troublesome. Sebastian’s not sure what he would do if Kurt never replied again.

For now, he’s distracting himself at his sister’s house. He’d gone to pick up Jamie there after work, and Vanessa and her husband, Ryan, invited them to stay for dinner since they were ordering pizza. Vanessa claimed it was so they would have fewer leftovers to eat over the weekend, but Sebastian knows his distress is obvious and she’s trying to distract him.

“So who is it that pissed you off? Rob or Kurt?” she asks as they wrap up the leftovers in the kitchen. Ryan’s in the living room with the kids, supervising what seems to be a version of monkey in the middle with both Jamie and Morgan in the middle.

“Rob’s always pissing me off. You wouldn’t even notice anything different if I was mad at Rob. Being mad at Rob is my default state.”

Vanessa rolls her eyes. “So it’s the new guy, then? I thought things were going well. You promised to introduce us over Christmas!”

“It’ll be hard if he’s not talking to me.”

“Why wouldn’t he be talking to you?”

Sebastian sighs. “I told him who I was, and he watched the show, and-”

“And he doesn’t like soap operas?”

“He doesn’t like _me_ , actually,” Sebastian says.

Vanessa scrunches up her face in confusion. “But you’re not _that_ bad of an actor.”

“It turns out we knew each other in high school,” Sebastian replies, smacking her arm lightly. “We didn’t get along.”

“Wow, talk about a coincidence. How come you didn’t get along? What did you do to him?”

“What makes you so sure was me who did something wrong?”

Vanessa snorts. “Uh, because I remember you in high school? Just because I wasn’t living at home anymore doesn’t mean I wasn’t aware of all the trouble you got into.”

“Yeah, well, he wasn’t very nice to me, either,” Sebastian says, a bit more petulant than he’d intended.

“Poor baby,” Vanessa says with an exaggerated pout. “What did the mean boy do to you?”

Sebastian spends a moment trying to think of a way to make himself look better while telling the story, but it’s almost impossible. “Nothing, really. He was kind of rude, and I was kind of rude, and then I accidentally put his boyfriend in the hospital.”

“Is this the thing Dalton did the inquiry about?”

“Yeah.”

“You said they were lying!” she exclaims.

Sebastian shrugs. “I was lying.”

“I can’t believe you put someone in the hospital,” Vanessa says, shaking her head.

“It was an accident,” he stresses. “And the guy’s totally fine. He regained eyesight in both eyes and everything.”

“Honestly, it’s a miracle you ended up as tolerable as you did.”

“Tolerable, huh?” he asks, bumping her shoulder. “Good to know you think so much of me.”

They’re interrupted then by Theo and Oliver thundering into the room to fill up their cups at the water filter attached to the refrigerator. The boys only have a 13 month age difference - Theo’s eight and Oliver is seven - and their matching blue eyes and dirty blond hair make most people assume they’re twins.

“We won,” Theo informs them proudly. “Morgan cried.”

“Were you mean to her?” Vanessa asks.

“Nope, she just sucks at games,” Oliver insists.

“Wow, Ness, you’ve raised such charming boys,” teases Sebastian. “I’m so glad the person I leave my child with during the day is teaching him good habits.”

She ignores him in favor of admonishing Oliver. “Don’t say ‘sucks.’ At least not in front of guests.”

“Uncle Sebastian isn’t a guest,” Theo points out. “He’s always here.”

Oliver nods vigorously. “Yeah! So I shouldn’t be in trouble.”

“I didn’t say you were in trouble.” Vanessa turns to Sebastian. “See? Even my eight-year-old thinks you need to get a life.”

“What were you guys talking about?” asks Theo after a loud slurp of his water.

“Uncle Sebastian’s boyfriend. You guys might get to meet him at Christmas!” She winks at Sebastian, who rolls his eyes.

Oliver looks intrigued. “Is Jamie gonna have two dads now, like Eli?”

“Jamie already _has_ two dads,” Theo scoffs. “Don’t be stupid.”

Vanessa sighs. “Don’t call him stupid.”

“So Jamie’s gonna have _three_ dads?” Oliver asks, awestruck.

“Maybe,” his mother replies. “Actually, if Uncle Sebastian gets married again, and Uncle Rob gets married again, he could have four dads.”

“Four dads would be _awesome_ ,” marvels Theo.

“Yeah!” Oliver agrees. “We’d get to eat pizza every night!”

Vanessa laughs. “Not all dads order pizza instead of cooking, guys. That’s just one of your father’s specialties.”

“I think you’re all getting a bit ahead of yourselves,” Sebastian finally intercedes. “He’s barely even talking to me anymore.”

Theo frowns. “Did you break something he liked?”

Sebastian starts to deny it, but stops himself when he realizes it’s probably a fairly accurate summary of what happened. “Something like that, I guess.”

“He’ll probably be your friend again eventually,” Theo says. “I broke Sarah’s magic wand and she didn’t talk to me for a while, but now we’re friends again.”

“That’s encouraging, Theo,” Sebastian says. “Thanks.”  
  


“You’re welcome,” he says politely, then grabs Oliver’s wrist and tugs the other boy back toward the living room. “Come on, let’s go see if Morgan’s done being a baby.”

“Maybe he’s right,” Sebastian says when the two boys have cleared the room. “Maybe I just need to give Kurt time to mourn the loss of the person he thought I was, and eventually he’ll want to talk to me again.”

“Or you could stop moping and just confront him,” Vanessa says. “You’re supposed to meet him in, what, two weeks? If he’s going to dump you over this, it’s better you know it now instead letting him string you along.”

Sebastian knows it’s good advice, but that doesn’t make it any easier to follow. Within half an hour, he’s back at home with Jamie happily distracted by his toys. He’s trying to work up the nerve to call Kurt, because an email wouldn’t put enough pressure on him. They’ve never actually talked on the phone, though, and Sebastian feels bad springing that on Kurt when he’s already being so distant, so he eventually decides to take a chance and ask for permission first.

_Sebastian to Kurt: Is it okay if I call you?_

-

Kurt bites his lip as he reads the text, then glances across the room, where Finn’s stepdaughter is focused on applying a layer of glitter to the anniversary card she’s making for Finn and her mom. Lily’s eight years old and easy to take care of, even for Kurt, who has no experience with children. Finn and his wife, Kristen, are out celebrating tonight, even though the actual anniversary of their wedding is still a few days away, and Kurt had offered to babysit. It’s only recently that Kristen has started being able to go out regularly again without her wheelchair, and Kurt had been happy to help by letting Lily stay over at his house. It gets pretty lonely in there when Burt and Carole are in DC, anyway. Lily’s sweet and fairly quiet, and she calls him Uncle Kurt even though he’s only the stepbrother of her stepfather. It’s a nice feeling.

Kurt had thought babysitting would be a good distraction from the Sebastian situation, but even before he received Sebastian’s text, Kurt had been thinking about him. He knows he’s been treating Sebastian pretty badly this week, and he should have been expecting a text like this. Sebastian’s probably wants to call and end things for good. Kurt really can’t blame him.

It’s been five days since Kurt found out that the Sebastian he’s been talking to online is actually Sebastian Smythe from high school, and Kurt’s been distant ever since. He hasn’t started flat out ignoring Sebastian’s emails or texts yet, but the idea has crossed his mind a few times. It would be the easiest way to put an end to all of these conflicting feelings. Kurt had been so interested in this guy, so excited to meet him, only to be faced with the crushing disappointment of realizing he had _already_ met him, and that they didn’t get along. The conversation they’d had via webcam on Sunday hadn’t gone too terribly, but Kurt is still having trouble trying to merge the two Sebastians he knows to make one whole person. This Sebastian, the one that he’s gotten to know and like and want to be with, is the same vaguely sociopathic asshole from high school. The guy who threw rock salt at people’s faces with no concern for the damage it might do was raising a child. That’s the part that’s getting to Kurt the most. The idea of dating someone with a son had been giving him enough grief before he knew the guy was Sebastian Smythe. Now, in addition to being scary, it’s also strange and improbable. Try as he might, Kurt just cannot conjure up an image in his mind of Sebastian the Sociopath as a loving father. As a loving _anything_ , really, but the father part is what’s really throwing Kurt for a loop. Sebastian had mentioned an ex before, but never gone into much detail about how he’d obtained a child. It hadn’t seemed like a big deal until they started getting closer, and then Kurt had felt sort of awkward asking. It was easier to remain in denial about the effect this child would have on their relationship when Kurt had no information other than the small tidbits Sebastian offered. But now that Kurt knows he’s dealing with Sebastian Smythe, he can’t stop thinking about it. How did that guy get a child? Had he actually slept with a woman? How drunk would he have been to do that? Was it a dare? Was the child adopted specifically to help Sebastian pick up guys? Does the single dad thing even work on gay men? It certainly isn’t appealing to Kurt.

He can’t fit the pieces together in a way that makes sense. Logically, if Sebastian has a kid, he must have really wanted one. There was probably an adoption or a surrogate, not an accident or an evil scheme. Kurt had thought that seeing Sebastian’s face and being able to look at him while they talked would make him feel even closer to the other man, but all it’s done is make things more confusing. He’s considered cutting off all contact with Sebastian completely, ignoring emails and texts until he got his point across and Sebastian stops trying, but Kurt hasn’t been able to shake the feelings he’s developed for Sebastian. He still wants to meet the guy he’s been talking to for seven months, wants to go out on a date when Sebastian’s in Ohio for Christmas, hold his hand in the theater, kiss him in the car, and drag him to his bedroom and try to be quiet enough so his parents won’t hear. But he doesn’t really want to do any of these things with Sebastian Smythe, no matter how attractive and sweet and funny he is. Kurt’s never been so confused in his life.

“Hey, Uncle Kurt?” Lily calls from the craft table Kurt’s set up for her. “Can you help me do the glitter?”

“Of course, sweetie, give me one second?” His fingers hover over the phone’s keypad, unsure of what to type. If he’s going to try and end this forever, now is probably a good time to make that clear. Ignoring the message completely might work, and while he wouldn’t mind doing this to high school Sebastian, Kurt is having trouble imagining doing it to the Sebastian he’s been getting to know. Sebastian has made the past seven months in Ohio bearable, he’s been kind, he’s listened, he’s made Kurt feel wanted after all the failures in his life have left him feeling anything but desirable. If nothing else, Kurt knows that Sebastian deserves an explanation. He types out a message explaining that he’s watching his niece, but he’ll be available in an hour or so once he gets her to bed.

Lily whines “Uncle Kuuuurt,” as he finishes up, so he apologizes and pockets his phone as he gets off the couch to approach the crafting table, even though less than 10 minutes ago he’d been ordered away as she insisted that she could do it all on her own. “Wow, that’s a beautiful card you’ve started. Your mom and Finn are gonna love it.”

“They’ll probably hang it on our fridge,” she says, beaming. “I’m not good at the glue part. Can you write ‘Happy Anniversary’ on it, and then draw some balloons and a horse for mommy and a ninja for Finn, and then we can put all different colors of glitter on them!”

“That’s... ambitious.” Kurt spends a moment thinking of the best way to break the news that her idea requires far more time and effort than he’s willing to exert. The card is already full of stars, hearts, and what appear to be cars, and he’s not even sure where all the other stuff is going to fit. He really wishes he still had some glitter glue lying around. “It might be a little too difficult. Maybe you could just fill some of the bigger hearts with red glitter? It’s easy, and it will look very cute.”

“Okay, that’s a good idea,” she agrees easily. Kurt breathes a sigh of relief. Lily’s generally pretty easy to deal with, but she is still a child, and Kurt’s never sure what will set her off.

His phone buzzes in his pocket, and he glances at Sebastian’s reply as soon as Lily takes a bathroom break.

_Sebastian to Kurt: My son should be in bed by 11 your time, I could call then?_

_Kurt to Sebastian: Yeah, that should be fine. Talk to you in a few hours._

-

It’s an eventful few hours on Kurt’s end. Lily drops an entire tub of red glitter on the carpet and immediately absolves herself of any blame. Kurt can’t imagine whose fault it could possibly be if not hers, but since she appears to be on the verge of tears, he doesn’t argue. He doesn’t yell, either, or lecture her, even though the sight of all the glitter on the carpet makes him want to curl in a ball on the floor and cry. Sometimes, Kurt wonders how much of parenting is just acting like you’re not annoyed with your own children.

It takes a long time to get the floor and Lily as glitter-free as possible and then get Lily settled into the guest bedroom. When Kurt’s phone rings a little after 11, he hasn’t even had much time to dread the call, and he picks it up immediately. They exchange pleasantries and talk about how their evenings went, and Sebastian is unable to hide his happiness at hearing Kurt talk about spending time with a child. It’s a good sign for their future, if they’ll even still have one after this conversation, that Kurt can handle kids.

“But you probably deal with messes like this all the time,” Kurt says once he’s finished his story. Sebastian’s enthusiasm for the topic is just another reminder that he has a son, and it’s making Kurt uncomfortable as he paces the floor of his bedroom.

“A lot of messes, yes. You get used to it. But I haven’t experienced a glitter catastrophe yet. I can only imagine the horror.”

There’s an awkward silence after that, Kurt unsure of what to say, and Sebastian a little afraid to bring up the topic he’d called to talk about. Eventually, Kurt decides they’ve been cordial for long enough, and decides to escape the conversation by faking a yawn.

“Well, it’s getting late,” he says. “It was nice talking to you, but I better-”

“Kurt,” Sebastian interrupts, his voice soft. “Please don’t blow me off.” It comes out a lot needier than Sebastian had intended. He’d rehearsed this conversation with himself before he called, and it definitely had not involved begging. “I mean... if you want to... not do this anymore, I don’t want to force you or anything, but I’d rather you just tell me now instead of dragging this out.”

“I do want to do this.” As soon as the words leave his lips, Kurt knows they’re the truth, and not just because Sebastian sounds so hurt. No matter what Kurt’s reservations are, he thinks he still wants to give this relationship a try. “I just... don’t know how,” he adds as he finally sits down on his bed. “It’s so weird that it’s you. It changes things.”

“Why does it change things? Are you afraid I’m going to throw a slushie at you?” Sebastian teases.

“I’m afraid I don’t know you at all,” replies Kurt, not interested in joking around.

Sebastian swallows hard, trying to ignore how much the words hurt. Kurt _does_ know him, and whatever happened 10 years ago doesn’t change that. He’s just not sure how to convince Kurt of that. “So... get to know me then,” he suggests, leaning back against his headboard. “What do you want to know? Now that you know who I am, I have no secrets. I’m an open book.”

“You... have a son.”

“Yeah. But you always knew that,” Sebastian points out.

“It’s weirder now that I know it’s you. It was weird before, but now I just... I can’t even picture you with a kid at all.”

“Hold on a second,” Sebastian says, and after a few seconds, Kurt’s phone vibrates against his ear. “It’s from me, look.”

Kurt opens the picture message and tries not to gasp aloud at the amount of adorable he’s being confronted with. It’s a picture of Sebastian and a young olive-skinned boy with dark eyes and curls. They’re lying down outside, grass underneath their heads, and the boy’s arms are wrapped around Sebastian’s neck. Both of them are laughing, eyes crinkled and teeth showing, looking so happy that Kurt can’t tear his eyes away.

“So now you can picture it. Because you have a picture,” he hears Sebastian’s distant voice say. Kurt quickly moves the phone back up to his ear. “That’s Jamie. He’s three. He likes Spider-man, bananas, and long walks on the beach.”

“He doesn’t look like you at all,” Kurt blurts out.

Sebastian chuckles. “He’s not biologically my son, no. He’s actually related to my ex-husband, though. They’re first cousins once removed? Something like that.”

“Wait, you were married?”

“Yeah, I thought I mentioned that?”

“No,” Kurt says. “Definitely not.”

“Huh. Who did you think I had a kid with?” asks Sebastian.

“I... didn’t really think about it until recently,” Kurt admits. He’s trying to picture Sebastian and another guy in tuxes, standing at an altar, pledging to love each other until death parts them. It’s not working. “Um... since you’re an open book and all, maybe you could tell me the whole husband and baby story?”

The story of his relationship with Rob isn’t Sebastian’s favorite to tell, since it ended so horribly, but he gives Kurt a good overview, anyway. Sebastian met Rob during freshman orientation at NYU. They were official by the time classes started. Rob was gorgeous and sarcastic, and he acted like Sebastian hung the moon. Sebastian hadn’t expected to love having a boyfriend or being someone’s boyfriend, but the two of them worked well together and never had any serious fights. They’d lived together as upperclassmen, and Sebastian had been convinced he’d never love anyone else the way he loved Rob, so he’d proposed right after graduation, and they’d gotten married six months later.

“What was the wedding like?” Kurt can’t help but ask.

Sebastian snorts. “I’m telling you a tragic tale, and all you want to know about is the wedding.”

“The tale’s not tragic yet! And I always want to know about weddings. It’s a professional interest!”

“You need to know about weddings because you’re an actor?”

Kurt thinks for a moment before responding, unsure of how much he wants to share with Sebastian about his fallback wedding planner aspirations. “I used to work for a wedding planner,” he settles on. It’s not a lie - he’d only ever gotten the idea to become a wedding planner from his time spent as an apprentice to a New York wedding planner right after college - but it’s not the entire truth, either. “I just love hearing about weddings.”

“I think you’d just be disappointed,” Sebastian replies. “It wasn’t too big, only about 50 people. We did it in a ballroom at this country club on Long Island that my grandparents are part of.”

“Of course you would get married at a country club,” Kurt says. Sebastian can practically hear him rolling his eyes. “Did you play a round of golf after?”

“Nope, we went to Paris for three weeks and barely left our hotel room,” Sebastian shoots back. “It was a much better workout than golf.”

Kurt doesn’t care much for that image, but he knows he brought it on himself. “So, you had a boring country club wedding, and then...?”

“We moved to LA,” Sebastian replies, trying to keep his voice even. This part, he knows he’ll gloss over. It was the beginning of the problems in their relationship. Rob hadn’t wanted to move, but Sebastian had talked him into it, claiming that it would be easier for them to find work. For Sebastian, it had worked. For Rob, who was an aspiring songwriter and musician, things hadn’t gone so well. He’d had trouble getting gigs, and his social life suffered, too. Sebastian insisted it was because Rob wasn’t trying hard enough to make a life for himself in LA, and that might have been true, but either way, Rob was completely miserable. Los Angeles turned the man he loved into a man he barely recognized, and Sebastian had been the one behind the move. He regrets it still, six years later, pushing the move and thinking that Jamie would change things. His biggest regret of all is not adequately discussing their future plans before ever declaring their eternal love for each other at that boring country club wedding.

“I got a job pretty soon after that,” Sebastian continues. “And then Rob’s cousin got pregnant. She was 18 and about to go to college, and the guy wasn’t around anymore. Her mom basically forbade her from getting an abortion, and they knew we wanted kids, so... that was that.”

“You already knew you wanted kids at... what, 24?”

“Yeah, we’d talked about it a lot. We figured it wouldn’t be ‘til much later, but... I don’t know, it was a really good opportunity. The whole adoption process can take forever and be really awful, and this was just... perfect, how it was dropped into our laps. And I’ve heard these horrible stories about how traumatic it is for birth mothers to give up babies and then just never see them again, so this was a way for her to always know he was taken care of, and see him sometimes. And I had just started working at _Desire Street_ , so we had a steady income, and even if we didn’t, both of our parents have money. It just... seemed like a really good idea.”

“But it wasn’t?”

“It was,” Sebastian insists. “Jamie’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I guess in an ideal world the whole divorce thing wouldn’t have happened, but... I don’t know. I have regrets, of course, but I wouldn’t want to do it over again if it meant not having Jamie.”

Kurt’s quiet for a moment. “Was it Jamie that was the problem in your relationship, or-”

“No, not at all. We were having problems before that.”

Kurt stops himself from asking why they would adopt a child if they were having marital problems, but Sebastian is starting to sound upset and Kurt doesn’t want to make things worse. “So... you adopted a kid, then got divorced later? You don’t have to go into too much detail about that, it’s probably not fun to relive.”

Sebastian huffs out a laugh. “No, it’s really not. But yeah, that’s the gist of it. We got divorced, and Rob moved back to New York as soon as it was all final.”

“So he never sees his son at all?”

“He’s in LA sometimes, and he sees Jamie then, and whenever I’m in New York. They Skype once a week, usually, and Jamie’s staying with him for a week and a half while I’m in Ohio for Christmas.”

“And that works?” Kurt asks in disbelief.

“It’s not ideal, but it could be worse.” Eager to change the subject, Sebastian continues. “So now that I’ve shared far too much, it’s your turn.”

“To tell you about my child and my ex-husband? My life is boring, I don’t have any stories like that.”

“There must be something important you haven’t told me, though,” Sebastian insists.

Kurt thinks for a moment. This phone conversation is doing wonders to erase the damage done from this week. He feels comfortable enough to be open and honest, to answer any question the warm, inquisitive voice on the phone might ask.

“I haven’t been in love since I was in college.” It’s not something Kurt’s ever admitted to anyone. He’s had enough trouble being able to admit it to himself. “I’ve been in three pretty serious relationships since then, one of which lasted over two years, and... I don’t know, it just didn’t happen. I liked the guys, and they were important to me, but I just... couldn’t get there, no matter how hard I tried.” He declines to mention that, until earlier this week, he hadn’t had to try hard with Sebastian at all. The feelings were there, already stronger than what he’d felt toward anyone since Blaine, and they hadn’t even met yet.

“I guess there are some things you just can’t force,” Sebastian says, thinking back to his failed attempts at fixing his own broken relationship.

“I guess,” echoes Kurt. “Sebastian, I don’t want this to be something we have to force, but... you’re really important to me, and if there’s a chance that we could somehow make this work...” Kurt trails off.

Sebastian sighs in relief and sinks down further into his bed. “You’re important to me, too.”

“I’m sorry I’ve been so distant this week. I don’t always handle shock well. Thank you for being honest with me.”

“Thank you for letting me.”

“We should have talked earlier,” Kurt says around a large yawn. “I really am sorry. I was just so freaked out and for a little while I considered just never talking to you again. I thought it would be too weird.”

“I’m really glad you didn’t,” Sebastian replies. He doesn’t want to dwell too much on the painful idea of Kurt cutting him out of his life.

“Me too.” Kurt tries to muffle another yawn, but Sebastian hears it, anyway.

“You should go to bed,” he says.

“I’m fine,” argues Kurt. He’s a little bit afraid that if they end the call now, they’ll never get back to this comfortable place again.

“But you should. It’s late there, and we’ll have plenty of time to talk later.”

“Tomorrow night, maybe? We haven’t even talked about this week’s episode yet, and if nothing else, Camden’s haircut must be analyzed.”

“Tim liked it,” Sebastian points out. “They’re going to get together soon. I can feel it.”

“By the spring hiatus, probably. That way, they’ll have time to have another problem for the season finale cliffhanger.”

Sebastian laughs. “True. But yeah, I should be free tomorrow night.” His grin is so wide that he’s sure Kurt must be able to feel it all the way from Ohio. He’d been worried this conversation might mark the end for them, but instead they’re ending it with smiles on their faces and plans to talk again as soon as possible. “Good night, Kurt.”

“Good night.”

After Kurt washes up and returns to his bedroom 20 minutes later, there’s a text waiting for him.

_Sebastian to Kurt: Good night again <3_

Kurt sends back an almost identical text, enjoying the bloom of warmth in the pit of his stomach as he turns off his bedside lamp and crawls underneath the covers.

Across the country, Sebastian’s phone buzzes with Kurt’s reply, and it feels like the promise of a new beginning.


	4. Chapter 4

“Sebastian? We have to stop again, I need to use the bathroom.”

 

Sebastian tries not to groan. He hasn’t even been driving for three hours yet, and this will be his fourth time finding a rest stop to visit so his grandfather can pee. Even Jamie is a better passenger than this.

 

“We’re never going to get there if we keep stopping,” his grandmother snaps. “Control your bladder, Larry, my god.”

 

“If he has to go, he has to go,” Sebastian says. “I’ll stop as soon as I can, Grandpa.”

 

His grandmother scoffs. “Wonderful, more merging. We’ll be lucky to get to Ohio alive. You drive like a crazy person, Sebastian!”

 

“Yes, you told me already, back when you insisted both of you sit in the back because I scared you so much,” Sebastian says through clenched teeth.

 

“But I might be safer with that front seat airbag.”

 

“Oh, stop bothering him, Joyce. You’re a fine driver, Sebastian,” his grandfather says.

 

“You won’t be saying that when you’re dead, Larry!”

 

“I won’t be saying much of anything if I’m dead, will I? Hey, Sebastian, I don’t mean to be a pest but I  _really_ have to go.”

 

“There’s a rest stop in five miles,” Sebastian replies. “Can you wait, or do I need to pull over now?”

 

Larry sighs. “I can wait, I suppose.”

 

“You should’ve worn a damn diaper,” Joyce mutters.

 

Sebastian loves his grandparents, but spending all day in the car with them is like torture. At first, the plan had seemed logical. Sebastian had to fly to New York with Jamie to drop him off at Rob’s place for Christmas, and his grandparents needed a way to get to Ohio for the holiday. They both refused to fly, and usually rented a car to make the drive, but Larry’s license had expired in 1995 and he’d never bothered to renew it, and Joyce’s license had been revoked a few months earlier when she backed into a tree at a cemetery while visiting her mother’s grave.

 

“Can you believe it?” she’d griped to Sebastian earlier that day. “They take away my license because of a small accident, but people like you can do whatever you want!”

 

Sebastian didn’t point out her long history of accidents and tickets or his own pristine driving record. Having a child has done wonders for his patience.

 

Renting a car to drive his grandparents to Ohio had been a good idea in theory, but they’re barely into Pennsylvania and Sebastian’s nerves are already frayed. The drive should only take a little over nine hours, but with all these stops, Sebastian’s starting to think it’ll be closer to 12 or 13. The worst part is that it won’t even be over then, because in 10 days, he has to drive them back before picking up Jamie and getting back on a plane to California.

 

Once they pull into the rest area and his grandfather hurries out of the car, Sebastian gets out to stretch and asks his grandmother if she wants anything.

 

“I just want to make it to Ohio alive,” she replies.

 

“I meant from the vending machines, Grandma.”

 

“See if they have a Twix bar. Maybe chocolate will calm me down. And close the door! It’s freezing.”

 

_Sebastian to Kurt: Is there a special word for killing your grandmother? Is grand-matricide a thing that people say?_

 

_Kurt to Sebastian: I take it the trip is not going well?_

 

_Sebastian to Kurt: It’s a nightmare. My grandpa has a bladder the size of a pea and my grandma becomes 10x ruder when she’s in a confined space._

 

_Kurt to Sebastian: :( I’m sorry. I’d really prefer if it you didn’t murder her, though. It might screw up our plans for Monday._

 

_Sebastian to Kurt: I definitely don’t want that. I have to get my grandma candy and get back to driving again. I’ll let you know if we cross the state line unharmed._

 

_Kurt to Sebastian: Okay. Drive safe! <3_

 

-

 

Sebastian keeps his promise, and while Kurt’s cleaning up the dishes after dinner that night he receives another text, declaring that they are officially in Ohio and all alive, despite his grandfather needing to stop a million times and his strong urge to leave his grandmother at the last rest stop after she went on a rant about how terrible  _Desire Street_ is now that Sebastian’s character is the lead.

 

Kurt’s smiling as he types out his response, and he doesn’t even hear Burt entering the kitchen.

 

“What’s got you so smiley? Talking to the boyfriend?”

 

“I’m talking to Sebastian, yes. He’s in Ohio now.”

 

“When are you bringing him over to meet us?” Burt asks.

 

“Why would I bring him here so you could try and intimidate him over something he did over 10 years ago?” Kurt had explained the situation to his family a few days ago. There was no way to avoid telling them that Sebastian was the same guy from high school who had hurt Blaine and blackmailed Finn. They had been surprised but mostly understanding, but Kurt's afraid Burt won’t be able to meet Sebastian without bringing up the past and making things awkward.

 

Since Sebastian had called Kurt for the first time two weeks ago, things haven’t been awkward between them at all. Even after ending the conversation on a good note, Kurt had assumed it would still take some time for him to feel comfortable talking to Sebastian again. However, they immediately fell into a pattern, talking on the phone or Skyping each night. They’d even watched the mid-season finale of  _Godfrey Pride_ together over Skype, and Kurt can’t remember the last time he had so much fun. It’s easier now to think of Sebastian as one person instead of the old and new versions Kurt had been trying to reconcile before. Sebastian  _is_ the guy Kurt’s been getting to know online for months, but he’s Sebastian from high school, too, still so blunt and sarcastic, not quite as manipulative or vindictive. Kurt’s familiar with those faults in himself, too. He’s no saint, but he knows he’s matured a lot since high school. There’s no reason to believe Sebastian hasn’t as well.

 

They’ve both been counting down the days until their date, and now that they’ve gotten down to three, Kurt’s having trouble controlling his enthusiasm. They’re going to meet, touch,  _kiss_ , and Kurt’s tried to keep his thoughts PG, but it’s been over a year since he broke things off with his last boyfriend, and it’s difficult to ignore the potential.

 

“I’m not gonna harass him,” Burt insists. “I just want to meet him. He’s important to you, I can tell.”

 

“We haven’t even been on one date yet!”  
  


Burt shrugs. “Doesn’t mean it’s not a big deal.”

 

“There just might not be a lot of time while he’s here,” Kurt says with a sigh. “We’re all doing Christmas stuff, and he’s going to Michigan for a few days, too, to see an aunt, and then you and Carole are leaving for your trip on the 30th. It might have to wait.”

 

“What about the night you guys are going out?”  
  


“Nope. There is no way you’re meeting him the same day I’m meeting him.”

 

“But you knew him in high school.” Burt looks confused.

 

“Yes, but not  _really._ This is different. You and Carole are not involved in our first date, sorry.”

 

“Well, we’re meeting him next time he’s in town,” Burt grumbles.

 

Kurt doesn’t bother to caution that there might not be a next time. He’s letting his optimism take over. There will be a next time. Sebastian may live on the other side of the country and have a completely different life than Kurt, complete with a small child, but the past few weeks have been so amazing that he doesn’t even want to imagine how things could possibly go wrong. “I’ll see what I can do.”

 

“Good. Hey, did you make these chocolate things?” Burt asks, lifting up the tin of candy that had arrived in the mail that day. “They’re amazing. And before you ask, yes, I only had one.”

 

Kurt laughs. “They’re actually from Mercedes and Sam. Which reminds me, I have to call and thank them.”

 

“Thank them and get the recipe,” Burt adds.

 

Kurt calls Mercedes as soon as he’s finished putting away the dishes, and she picks up on the second ring.

 

“Hey, baby!” she exclaims. “Did you get the chocolates?”

 

“We did, thank you, and they’re amazing. And so adorable, too! My dad is a major fan.”

 

She laughs. “I’m glad. If any of the little faces looked distorted, it’s because Sam helped.”

 

Kurt hears a noise of protest in the background and huffs out a laugh. “You’re with Sam? Are you guys at home?”

 

“Yeah, he worked a little this morning, but we’re about to go pick up everyone at the airport. They’re all going to see the house today, Kurt, and it’s not even completely finished yet. I’m so nervous.”

 

“They’re going to love it,” Kurt assures her. Sam and Mercedes had bought a small, rundown house on the outskirts of LA last year and had been working to fix it up. Kurt hadn’t been out to visit since their wedding two years ago, so he hadn’t seen the house in anything other than the progress photos on Facebook, but it looked like they had done an amazing job with it. Kurt knew there were other issues besides the house, though. This Christmas, both Sam’s and Mercedes’s families were going to Los Angeles to spend Christmas with them, and Mercedes’s parents in particular seemed unimpressed with the life she’d built for herself in California. Mercedes insisted it wasn’t that they didn’t like or approve of Sam, but she’d really confused them when she’d suddenly decided to marry Sam a few years ago after only dating him again for five months. Kurt had been a little shocked, too, but he and Blaine had hopped on a plane as soon as they could in order to stand up with Mercedes and Sam as they took their vows at a tiny wedding on the beach. Mercedes’s and Sam’s parents and siblings had been the only other guests, but it was still one of the most beautiful weddings Kurt had ever seen. It was so romantic, the idea of an old flame being reignited when it was least expected. They had moved quickly, of course, but Kurt couldn’t fault them for that. It was clear that they both knew what they wanted, and so far, at least, things had worked out well. Sam and Mercedes are one of the happiest couples he knows. Mercedes has a regular job performing at a jazz lounge and often picks up work as a back-up singer for studio recordings, and Sam had taken over the combined comic book and hobby shop he had been working at when the retiring owner took a liking to him. He performs when he can get a gig, too, a mixed set of acoustic covers and songs he’s written himself. Kurt knows that their desperation to get the house finished and looking presentable has a lot to do with proving to Mercedes’s family that things are going well for them and they had made a good decision.

 

“I hope they like it,” Mercedes says. “The basement isn’t quite done yet, but I think everything else looks really good. Now I’m mostly panicking about the meal we have to prepare on Christmas.”

 

“I’m sure it will be amazing. I’m sad I won’t get to see you on Christmas this year, though.”

 

“Me too,” she replies. “We’ll have to plan something. Hold on one second.” He can hear muffled talking for a moment before she returns. “Okay, we have to leave in like 10 minutes, and Sam wants to say hi, so I’m gonna have to let you go without teasing you about your date with Sebastian.”

 

“Wait, who told you about that?” Kurt asks. He hadn’t planned on keeping it a secret, but they hadn’t even met yet, and only Kurt’s family and Blaine knew about the upcoming date.

 

Mercedes ignores the question. “Bye! Make sure to tell everyone I said Merry Christmas!”

 

Kurt hears Sam’s voice a few seconds later. “So I heard you finally have an excuse to come out here,” Sam says. “I wasn’t expecting it to be that you’re dating that creep from Dalton, but we’ll take what we can get.”

 

Kurt sighs. “Blaine told you about Sebastian, then?”

 

“Don’t be mad at him. I don’t think he could help himself.”

 

“Yeah, he seems to think this is hilarious.”

 

“He’s not wrong,” Sam says. “Hey, if things go well, our basement is going to be finished soon. You could move in!”

 

“Why would I move to LA?”

 

“It worked out pretty well for me. Do you still have that savings account?”

 

“Yeah, I haven’t touched it. I’ll probably need it for rent when I move back to New York, though.” Kurt had disclosed his vague wedding planner aspirations to Sam, Blaine, and Mercedes under the influence of a lot of tequila at the strange four-person combined bachelor/bachelorette celebration they’d had the night before their wedding. Sam in particular seems to enjoy bringing it up.

 

“I’m just saying, tons of people get married in LA, dude. Sometimes three or four times.”

 

Kurt laughs. “That happens in New York, too, Sam.”

 

“Right, but New York doesn’t have me and Mercedes and your soap star boyfriend,” Sam points out.

 

Kurt rolls his eyes and changes the subject. “So your chocolates taste divine.”

 

“I know, right?” Sam asks, easily accepting the new topic. “Mercedes was lying about the ugly ones, though. She’s the one who screwed them up.”

 

-

 

Kurt’s already in his pajamas and tucked into bed with his laptop when Sebastian starts texting him later that night. He’d gotten a text earlier letting him know that Sebastian had arrived at his parents’ house safely, but that was a few hours ago, and they hadn’t talked since.

 

_Sebastian to Kurt: Are you still up? I’m bored._

 

_Kurt to Sebastian: Bored? Go to sleep, you’ve been up since 5 and you drove all day!_

 

Kurt’s phone rings a few seconds later, and Kurt picks it up without even checking to see who it is. “Seriously, you should sleep,” he says in greeting.

 

“I’m not tired,” Sebastian insists. “I’m bored and cranky and I miss my son, and we should go out.”

 

“What, right now? It’s 11 o’clock! I’m in my pajamas.”

 

“So put on some jeans and then come out. It’s not like you have to work tomorrow. It’s Christmas Eve!”

 

“We’re open until one, actually,” Kurt corrects him. “In case people need anything done last minute before traveling.”

 

Sebastian grunts in disapproval. “Well, we should go out anyway. Just for a little while. Maybe to a diner or something? I want to see you.” The drive from New York had been incredibly draining, and the family dinner he had to sit through after they arrived hadn’t helped. His grandmother hadn’t been any less cantankerous once she escaped Sebastian’s rental car, and while he loved his sister’s kids, it was hard seeing them after leaving his own son behind in New York and knowing he wouldn’t see him for a week and a half.

 

“I want to see you, too,” Kurt says. “It’s strange, knowing that you’re so close but not seeing you.” He sighs, looking down at his pajamas. He’s so not ready to go back out again. He had intended on having hours of prep time before his first date with Sebastian so he could look as good as possible. “We could meet up at that diner by Walmart? It’s probably about halfway between us.”

 

“Yeah, that works,” Sebastian says, smiling. “I’m a bad influence on you, apparently.”

 

“People generally don’t have to twist my arm too much to get me to a place that serves cheesecake. We can’t count this as our first date, though, because I’m going to look awful and be half-asleep.”

 

Sebastian laughs. “Kurt, I spent almost 12 hours in a car with my grandparents today, and I haven’t showered yet.”

 

“Oh god,  _why_?”

 

“I’m just saying, no one looks classy at a diner late at night. You’ll be fine.”

 

-

 

It’s not really love at first sight, since they’ve seen each other many times before, but both of their nerves are instantly soothed when they spot each other in the diner parking lot half an hour later. Sebastian, who had arrived a few minutes early, doesn’t get out of his car until he sees Kurt getting out of an SUV from his rearview mirror. Kurt turns around when he hears a car door shut behind him, and his face splits into a wide grin when he sees Sebastian.

 

“I hope you haven’t been waiting long?” he asks, stopping in his tracks and waiting for Sebastian to close the distance between them.

 

“Just a few minutes,” Sebastian replies. He looks Kurt up and down once he’s reached him. “You look amazing. The webcam totally doesn’t do you justice.”

 

Kurt laughs as a blush creeps into his cheeks. “Thanks. I’d return the compliment, but your show’s cameras and makeup team actually make you look pretty good.”

 

“It’s true,” Sebastian says. He hasn’t stopped grinning since he got out of the car. “I probably look worse in person.”

 

“Nope. You look the same. Which is definitely not a bad thing.”

 

“Good to know.” Sebastian squeezes Kurt’s shoulder as they start to approach the entrance.

 

It isn’t until they’re seated across from each other at a booth with a large piece of red velvet cheesecake and a plate of greasy french fries between them that their conversation turns to anything significant. The delicious cake prompts Kurt to mention his ongoing wedding cake argument with Blaine, and Sebastian looks surprised.

 

“You still talk to Blaine?” he asks, trying not to sound as threatened by the information as he feels.

 

“Yeah. We’re really good friends, actually.”

 

Sebastian frowns. “Isn’t that weird for you? I can’t imagine being friends with Rob.”

 

“It works for us,” Kurt says with a shrug.

 

“How close are you, exactly? Because you said you hadn’t been in love since college, and I’m assuming you were talking about Blaine?”

 

“I was,” Kurt confirms. “But if you’re worried-”

 

“I’m not worried.”

 

“But if you  _were_ ,” Kurt says with a knowing smile. “Blaine’s engaged, like I said. I promise there’s nothing romantic between us at all.”

 

“I wasn’t worried,” Sebastian repeats. He pauses to dip a fry in ketchup and take a bite. “What’s his fiancé like?”

 

Kurt thinks for a moment, trying to think of the best way to describe Brandon. “He’s a little older, almost 40, and he’s one of those people who’s so  _good_ that it’s annoying. Like, he pretty much always thinks of other people before himself. He’s good for Blaine. He really loves him. They’re great together.”

 

Sebastian smirks. “And you don’t like him.”

 

“He’s not my favorite person, no. We don’t fight or anything, but we’re just... not close. I’m pretty sure he waited until I left New York to propose to Blaine, just so I wouldn’t be able to help plan the wedding. But I can’t even complain about that to Blaine, because he’ll say not everything is about me, which is true. But some things definitely are.”

 

Sebastian’s a little confused. “You don’t think it’s a little weird that you want to help plan Blaine’s wedding?”

 

“Not at all. I’m amazing at weddings,” Kurt huffs. “I told you that I worked for a wedding planner for two years! It was the only job I ever could tolerate besides acting. Also, I may not be Blaine’s best man, but I am in the wedding party. It wouldn’t be strange for me to help. Sam and Cooper are totally useless with this stuff.”

 

“Seriously? You’re one of Blaine’s groomsmen? Come on, you have to admit that’s weird. You guys dated for years.”

 

“Over three years, if you subtract the time we were broken up my freshman year,” Kurt supplies. “Is this a problem for you? Because I’m way more excited about the possibility of dancing with you at Blaine’s wedding than I am about anything else. I promise you, he’s just a friend.”

 

Sebastian sighs. It  _shouldn’t_ be a problem, but he just doesn’t like the idea of the two boys he remembers being so in love in high school still being so close. Not when he’s so intent on being with Kurt. “I’m sorry. But... why would you even break up if you get along so well? It doesn’t make sense.”

 

“We didn’t speak for over three years after we broke up,” Kurt says. “It wasn’t like we went from boyfriends to best friends. When we started talking again, we were both dating other people. I’ve never even considered dating him again, and I doubt he has, either. We just work really well as friends.”

 

Sebastian is quiet for a moment. He knows pursuing this line of questioning won’t get him anywhere good, so he tries to steer away from it. “I really don’t think Blaine will want me at his wedding,” he finally says.

 

“I think he’s already expecting it, to be honest,” Kurt laughs. While it felt strangely thrilling to have Sebastian being possessive over him, he’s glad to have moved on just the same. “He knows what’s going on between us. You don’t have to come if you don’t want to, of course. But it’s in April in New York, if you have some time, and if we’re still-”

 

“I’d love to, if Blaine doesn’t mind,” Sebastian assures him, not wanting Kurt to finish the sentence about them possibly not being together in April. “I never thought I’d be watching him get married, though.”

 

“It’s weird, right? And he’s one of the last of my friends to do it, too. I was always so sure I’d be married by the time I turned 30, but now I’m five only months away. Everyone I know is married off, but I’m still single.”

 

Sebastian quirks an eyebrow. “Married by 30, huh? That’s a lot of pressure for a first date.”

 

“This isn’t a date,” Kurt reminds him. “Not when I’m wearing a shirt I bought at Target. And it’s not really that important to me when I get married anymore. I just... want to get married, eventually, and have it work out. I know it’s not a race.”

 

“If it helps, being married isn’t all that great,” says Sebastian. “Look what happened to me.”

 

Kurt bites his lip. “I think if you marry the right person, being married is probably really wonderful.”

 

“You’re an optimist, then.”

 

“Aren’t you?” Kurt asks. “I mean, you’re here, even after a bad divorce, willing to try again at...” He stops himself before he can say ‘love,’ knowing it’s probably too soon. “... at a relationship.”

 

“Guilty as charged,” Sebastian says, flooded with memories of Rob calling him an optimist like it was a dirty word, saying he was too much of a dreamer, never able to accept the reality of a terrible situation for what it was.

 

Kurt picks up on Sebastian’s resigned tone and reaches across the table to take his hand. “It’s not a bad thing,” he says, giving Sebastian’s hand a squeeze.

 

Sebastian gives him a small smile and squeezes back.

 

The conversation moves to lighter topics after that, and they spend most of the their remaining time at the diner discussing their thoughts on the next half of the  _Godfrey Pride_ season. They don’t leave until almost 1:30, when Kurt reluctantly brings up the fact that he has to be at work in seven hours. Neither of them wants to part, even for the three days before their scheduled date at the theater, but when they reach Sebastian’s car, Kurt leans in close, pushes up onto his toes, and presses a firm kiss to Sebastian’s lips.

 

“Have a good Christmas,” he says, resting his arms on Sebastian’s shoulders. “I’ll see you Monday?”

 

“I can’t wait,” Sebastian replies. He hadn’t been expecting Kurt to make the first move, after all of his cautiousness the past few weeks. The gesture makes it even harder for him to say goodbye.

 

After the meet-up at the diner, their official first date isn’t nearly as stressful as either of them had anticipated. They both had comfortable, relaxing holidays spent with their families, but it was hard to fully focus on Christmas with the anticipation of their date hanging over them.

 

On Monday, Kurt spends hours choosing his outfit and fixing his hair, and, true to his word, does not invite Sebastian inside to meet his parents when he arrives to pick Kurt up. Sebastian looks gorgeous, too, and he wastes no time in taking Kurt’s hand.

 

The show is as unintentionally hilarious as Sebastian promised, awful and disorganized and full of actors not nearly talented or prepared enough to handle the roles they were given. During the intermission, Sebastian gets a phone call from Rob because Jamie’s refusing to sleep without speaking to him again. Sebastian stays in the lobby to take the call, and Kurt stays, too, keeping his distance to give some privacy, but not interested in going into the theater to watch that trainwreck by himself. It’s a sobering reminder that their relationship will not always be as easy and carefree as it had seemed the night they met up at the diner.

 

“Sorry,” Sebastian apologizes after he’s spent twenty minutes attempting to soothe Jamie over the phone. “He’s having a rough night. He’s usually okay with me just calling right before his bedtime.”

 

“It’s fine,” Kurt assures him. “I understand.”

 

“This is the fifth night that he hasn’t seen me. We’ve never gone that long before, I think it’s starting to freak him out.”

 

“Does he get along with your ex?”

 

“Yeah, but he usually only stays with Rob for a night or two at a time.” Sebastian sighs and runs a hand roughly through his hair. “I knew this was a bad idea.”

 

“I’m sure he’ll be fine,” Kurt says, knowing the words must seem hollow and useless. “How come he’s staying there so long this time, if he usually doesn’t? Did your custody agreement change?”

 

“We don’t really have a custody agreement. We agreed that I’d have primary custody, but that’s about it. He sees Jamie so rarely that I didn’t feel like I could deny him when he actually wanted to see him for so long. Of course, it’s only because his grandparents are in town for two weeks, and he wants to make himself look like a better dad than he actually is.” Sebastian stops when he feels Kurt’s hand on his shoulder and lets out a sigh. “Sorry.” He doesn’t want to put this all on Kurt, not when everything is still so new. Sebastian wants things to be as uncomplicated as possible for them, but this is only their first official date and already he’s bombarding Kurt with his baggage. He’s not ashamed of his son, but he is ashamed of his terrible relationship with his ex.

 

“Don’t be. It sounds like a shitty situation.” Kurt glances at the closed theater doors. “Do you want to go back inside and see the end, or would you rather just go grab coffee or something?”

 

Sebastian smiles gratefully. “Coffee would be great.”

 

-

 

For the next few days, Kurt and Sebastian see each other as much as they can, which isn’t nearly as much as they’d like. Kurt has to work, and Sebastian is obligated to spend at least some time with his family. He makes sure to bring Kurt lunch at the shop the two days after their date, and Kurt stretches his break a little longer than he should so he can spend time with Sebastian alone in the back office. Much to Kurt’s chagrin, it really is not an appropriate venue for fooling around. Neither is the backseat of Sebastian’s rental car, parked in front of Kurt’s house after Sebastian escapes his family to go out for dinner with Kurt on Wednesday.

 

“This isn’t very romantic,” Kurt remarks as he pulls off of Sebastian. “I mean, I want to, but... not here.”

 

Sebastian groans and sits up. “I knooow. I should have gotten a hotel room or something. I don’t know why I thought I’d want to spend 10 days under the same roof as my parents, grandparents, and my sister’s whole family.” It’s been impossible for he and Kurt to find even one moment when either of their houses are empty, and they’re both getting frustrated. Time is running out for them. Sebastian is going to Michigan tomorrow to visit some extended family, and he won’t be back in the area until Saturday. First thing Monday morning, he’s driving his grandparents back to New York.

 

“My parents leave for Hawaii on Friday,” Kurt says.

 

“I’m not back ‘til Saturday, though.”

 

Kurt rolls his eyes. “Trust me, I am well aware of all of the things that are standing in the way of me finally getting you naked.” Sebastian snorts as Kurt continues. “But Saturday night...”

 

“Is New Year’s Eve,” Sebastian replies, frowning. “You said you were going to come over and meet my family.” As much as he wants to get Kurt alone, Sebastian has really been looking forward to introducing Kurt to his family. It’s an important step in their budding relationship, but it’s also partially because they’ve all been teasing him for years now about how he needs to move on with his life and start dating again. Vanessa in particular rags him about it constantly, and she hasn’t stopped talking about meeting Kurt all week.

 

“I am going to meet your family,” Kurt says, reaching over to give Sebastian’s hand a squeeze. He’s been nervous about meeting nearly everyone important to Sebastian in one night only a week after their first date, but he knows it’s a big deal to Sebastian. “But I’m guessing there won’t be much going on after midnight, right? We could get out of there as soon as the kids and old people start going to bed?”

 

“That could work. It’ll be late, though. I’ll have to sleepover,” Sebastian teases.

 

Kurt lets out a long-suffering sigh. “I guess I could find somewhere for you to sleep.”

 

“It won’t be hard,” Sebastian assures him. “I can squeeze into a lot of very tight spaces.”

 

-

 

Kurt and Sebastian wake up next to each other for the first time on New Year’s Day, only a few hours after falling asleep, still entwined, bare skin pressed against bare skin. The sun is shining into Kurt’s bedroom through the open blinds, and it’s warm underneath the sheets when their lips meet. They move slower than they did when it was only streetlights illuminating the room, savoring every kiss, every stroke, every gasp.

 

Sebastian wakes up next to Kurt for the second time a few hours later and tries to keep his movement to a minimum as to not disrupt him. It’s after one p.m. already, and once they both get up and get dressed, Sebastian will have to get going. He wants to hold on this feeling for as long as he can.

 

It’s been a confusing week for Sebastian. He’d had a positive feeling about their meeting before he even arrived in Ohio, but the visit has surpassed any of the expectations he had. Kurt’s as warm, funny, and enthusiastic in person as he is over the phone and online, and there hasn’t been any trace of awkwardness since the first night they met up at the diner. If he’s being honest with himself, Sebastian knows he fell in love with Kurt months ago, long before he had any idea who was on the other side of the screen. It had seemed crazy back then, to fall so quickly for someone he hadn’t yet met in person. It feels slightly less crazy now that there’s a real person lying next to him.

 

Despite the wonderful time spent with Kurt, Sebastian’s visit to Ohio hasn’t been easy. He’s never been away from Jamie for this long before, and the times when Kurt wasn’t around to distract him, Sebastian had been completely miserable, consumed by how empty his life felt without his son around. The twice daily conversations they’ve been having only make Sebastian’s heartache worse. He can only hope that Rob’s not going to make a habit of requesting to see Jamie for such long stretches of time. This time, Sebastian knows it was because Rob’s grandparents had been staying with him and Rob wanted to play the doting father. Sebastian hadn’t felt right denying the request, though. How could he, when Rob was actually attempting to spend time with his son instead of blowing him off? Sebastian wants Rob to be a part of Jamie’s life. He wants Rob to  _want_ to be a part of Jamie’s life, but he couldn’t help but feel bitter as he spent his own Christmas watching his niece and nephews delight in opening gifts while his own son was in a different state, spending the day with people he barely knew. Sebastian doesn’t want to say goodbye to Kurt, but it hasn’t stopped him from counting down the hours until he’s back in New York picking Jamie up from Rob’s apartment. The thought of moving back to New York when his contract with  _Desire Street_ is up in June still lingers at the back of his mind. It’s hard for him to imagine actually living there again, but if it means that Jamie won’t be gone for so long when he visits Rob, and that Sebastian can see Kurt whenever he wants, it’s worth it. Sebastian sighs and snuggles in closer to Kurt, hoping to sleep for another few minutes before he has to get up and head back to his parents’ house for the final family dinner of his visit.

 

The motion stirs Kurt into wakefulness, but he doesn’t alert Sebastian immediately. It feels too nice having Sebastian pressed so tightly against his back. Kurt would rather pretend that this is his life now, going to sleep and waking up next to Sebastian, than accept the cruel reality that Sebastian is leaving.

 

Kurt and Sebastian haven’t talked much about their future plans. They could talk anytime, but being together was a novelty that neither of them had wanted to squander. Kurt wants to pursue this, but that’s as much as he can decide on right now. The distance is going to be an issue. The two days that Sebastian had been in Michigan had been tough on Kurt, and he’s not sure how he’s going to deal with the much longer stretches of time they’ll be apart. He’s still not sure how he’s going to deal with Sebastian’s son, either. At first, Kurt had been happy that Jamie wasn’t something he would have to worry about on this trip, but he couldn’t help but feel like something was missing the night before as he was introduced to so many of Sebastian’s relatives without ever meeting the most important person in Sebastian’s life. Kurt loved Sebastian’s family, though. His expectations of the Smythes had consisted of snooty accents and fancy china, but they’re a fun group, playful, boisterous, and loving. Vanessa had been so taken with him that she’d insisted they exchange numbers so they can keep in touch. Kurt felt far more welcome there than he’d anticipated. Even the grandmother Sebastian insists is a nightmare had been kind. Everyone treated him like he was already part of the family. Since Kurt had spent the previous New Year’s Eve alone in his apartment drinking straight tequila, it was definitely an improvement.

 

“You awake?” Sebastian asks a few minutes later when Kurt shifts a bit. Kurt just mumbles in response.

 

Sebastian huffs out a laugh and presses a kiss to Kurt’s shoulder. “It’s getting late.”

 

“I know,” Kurt says. “I don’t want you to leave.”

 

Sebastian tightens his hold on Kurt. “I don’t want to leave.”

 

“Liar,” Kurt teases. Sebastian loosens his grip so Kurt can turn and face him. “You can’t wait to see your son and get back to the warm weather.”

 

“Way to kill the romance, Kurt,” Sebastian replies, but he can’t argue. “I wish you could come with me.” He quickly realizes that this might come across as pushy and overbearing, a hint that Kurt should move to Los Angeles. Sebastian is not interested in going down that road again after what happened with Rob, so he attempts to amend his statement. “Or... just that we’d be in the same place. Closer. Wherever.”

 

“Yeah,” Kurt murmurs. As Sebastian gives him a kiss and climbs out of bed in search of his clothes, Kurt stays under the sheets, his mind flooded with images of the two of them living together, waking up like this every morning. It’s easy to imagine until he tries to add Jamie into the picture, waiting just outside their bedroom, needing to be fed, clothed, dropped off at daycare. Kurt knows what Jamie looks like now, but he can’t figure out how to fit the boy into his daydream future. Kurt supposes it doesn’t really matter much right now. He’ll still be waking up completely alone for the foreseeable future. He lets out a sigh. “This is going to be hard. Now that we’ve met, it’s going to be a lot harder than it was before. And I’m not great at long distance relationships.”

 

“Neither am I,” Sebastian replies as he tugs on his pants. “If you count the one summer break that Rob and I spent in different states as a long distance relationship. Either way, it sucked. This will be different, though,” he continues as he reaches for the shirt he’d slung over the desk chair earlier. “We’ll make it work. We’re adults, and we love each other.”

 

“Oh, we love each other, huh?” Kurt asks with an arched eyebrow. The effect is ruined by his inability to control his grin after hearing Sebastian’s admission. “You’re being a bit presumptuous, speaking for me.”

 

“Nope,” Sebastian disagrees. He’s fully dressed now, and he approaches the edge of the bed, kneeling so he’s eye level with Kurt. “I’m not being presumptuous. I’m being astute.”

 

With Sebastian’s sudden proximity, Kurt can’t resist leaning forward to press their lips together again. “We’re gonna be fine,” Sebastian murmurs when they part, resting his forehead against Kurt’s. He seems so sure that Kurt can’t help but believe it, too.

 

“Okay,” he says, then, without intending to, adds, “I love you.”

 

“I know,” Sebastian says. He’s smirking, but his eyes are warm and open. “Now get up, lazy, and at least walk me out to my car.”


	5. Chapter 5

Kurt’s inbox is starting to become unmanageable.

It’s not that he’s getting more emails than he has been since he joined the _Godfrey Pride_ fandom last year. The volume of messages has actually decreased now that he and Sebastian primarily communicate in other ways and Kurt’s not getting as many blog comments as he used to. His inbox used to be full of people lauding his stories and praising his blunt approach to the show and its fandom. There was also the occasional message about how condescending, rude, and obnoxious he was. Kurt’s not getting many messages like that anymore. Since finding out Sebastian’s true identity, the fandom world has taken a backseat to the stuff going on outside of it. He just doesn’t post as much. When he wants to talk about the show, Sebastian is always willing to engage him. In the past few months, he hasn’t written more than a few hundred words of fiction, despite being in the middle of posting a long chaptered story and promising to have a sequel to his most popular fic, _Lay Your Armor Down_ , posted by the start of new year. Two weeks into January, he still hasn’t bothered to explain the delay. Writing just doesn’t seem important or interesting when he could spend time talking with Sebastian or at least daydreaming about their potential future together. All of the messages flooding his inbox are requests for updates, complaints about the lack of updates, _demands_ for updates, and the rare concern for his wellbeing. It would be too overwhelming to reply to each message individually, but a post on his blog explaining his absence seems like a bad idea, too. What would he even say? “Sorry I’m barely here anymore and I haven’t written anything, I fell in love and now my real life is much more tolerable, so I don’t need this bullshit anymore, later!”

It’s not as simple as that, anyway. He _is_ happier, but the loneliness he’d sought to eradicate by throwing himself so fully into fandom isn’t gone. It’s transformed from the dull ache of general malcontent with every aspect of his life to the sharp pain of knowing exactly what he’s missing and not being sure how things will work out. There’s hope now where there wasn’t before, but the uncertainty is hard to take. They’re in the honeymoon stage of a new relationship and Kurt’s trying to get used to this feeling he hasn’t experienced in so long, but it’s difficult when Sebastian is so far away. They talk as often as they can, but a voice on the phone and a smile over a webcam is not nearly as satisfying as the feel of Sebastian’s body pressed up against his. Kurt’s not sure how long he’ll be able to handle the distance.

They’ve discussed the future vaguely in the weeks since Sebastian left Ohio, but no decisions have been made. One or both of them will have to move, that much is clear. Kurt may still not be excited to return to life as a struggling actor in New York, but since high school, he’s never considered living anywhere else. Leaving New York, even if he’s leaving for LA, will feel like he’s giving up on his acting dream. Sebastian would be giving up a lot by moving, too - he has family in LA, a job, a home - but moving to the same city where Jamie’s other father lives would have its benefits, too.

“It’s probably weird that we’re talking about moving when we can’t even find a time that works for both of us for another visit,” Kurt had said to Sebastian the night before while they talked on Skype.

“That’s why we’re talking about it, though,” Sebastian replied. “Because this might work for us right now, but eventually the distance is really going to get to us.”

Kurt’s pretty sure it’s already gotten to him.

He’s spending his Saturday evening clicking through all of the new emails he’s been getting about his blog, unwilling to leave them as unread messages or delete them outright, when his phone starts to ring.

“Hey, Blaine,” Kurt says after picking up the phone from his desk and checking the screen. “You must be having a wild Saturday night!”

“Oh, I am,” Blaine replies. “Eating saltines and watching syndicated TV. Try not to be jealous.”

“Yeah, you’re really living the life out there in New York,” Kurt teases.

“Well, you picked up my call, so I can’t imagine you’re doing anything too exciting, either.”

“I’m not. But I’m also in Lima living with my parents, so my options are limited.”

“I’m surprised you don’t spend all of your time having cyber sex with your slushie-throwing, soap star boyfriend.” Blaine pauses. “Wait, is cyber sex still something people say?”

“Uh, no. And even if it was, it’s not something you should say. Ever.”

Blaine chuckles. “Fine, fine.”

“Where’s Brandon?”

“At the center. There’s an ice cream social tonight, but since I’ve spent the day puking, I made the executive decision to stay home.”

“What a cruel fate,” Kurt remarks.

“It really is. So are you going to tell me how things are going with Sebastian or what?”

“They’re... going,” Kurt says. “It’s fine, but he’s in California, so... there’s not much to say. Is that why you called?”

“Not really, just being nosy. He’s coming to the wedding, right?”

“As far as I know.”

“Good! You know, it’s probably strange that I’d prefer you bring this Sebastian over the other one, seeing as he almost blinded me and all. You have such strange taste in men.”

Kurt snorts. “That’s funny, coming from a guy I dated for three years. What did you call for, if not to harass me about Sebastian?”

“Oh, right!” Blaine says, sounding pleased. “You’re going to be so excited.”

“About...?”

“We need a new place to have the wedding. That hall we were thinking about was double booked.”

“And they just let the other people have it?” Kurt asks. He’d had to deal with this a few times when he worked for the wedding planner, and it was never pleasant.

“Nah, Brandon and I gave it up. But we can’t really move the date, since there are some people coming from Australia and they’ve already booked flights.”

“You need help?”

“Maybe just some ideas,” Blaine says. “I know you have some connections, from when you worked with Hilary, and you know more about the venues in the area than anyone else I know.”

“Finally, you recognize my expertise.” Kurt’s already going through all the venues he used to work with in his head. “April 15th, right? And you’d prefer the evening? And a place where you can do the ceremony and the reception together?”

“Yeah. You don’t have to book anything, or go through too much trouble, we just-”

“I’m not going to book anything without telling you,” Kurt assures him. “And it’s no trouble. You know I love this stuff. But give me a little time to think? And I’ll email Callie, she still does wedding planning in the city. She’ll do me a favor and see what’s still available for that date, and I can just forward you what she sends me so you guys can check them out and decide on your own.” Kurt’s quite sure he could make the appropriate decision on his own, but he’s far too excited to be given a chance to help at all to ruin it by intruding more than he’s welcome to.

“If you don’t mind,” Blaine says gratefully. “Thanks, Kurt. I really was just going to ask for a few names of places.”

“That’s all you’re going to get! It will just be narrowed down to the places that are actually available. But you should let me go so I can start working on this as soon as possible. You should sleep, anyway, if you’re sick.”

Blaine laughs. “Yes, sir. I’ll talk to you later?”

“Yeah, I’ll hopefully know by Monday.”

“Okay. Thanks again, Kurt.”

“No problem. Feel better!”

Kurt sends out an email to Callie immediately after he’s ended the call, then does a little brainstorming of his own. He knows Blaine and Brandon well enough to have a good idea of what they want for their wedding, and he’s sure he can do better than just a list of potential venues. They want a casual and fun wedding, nothing too elegant, since they’re inviting a lot of kids from the center to come. Just thinking about their devotion to the center makes the answer clear to him. Kurt’s been to the center before, and there’s room for a wedding and a reception there, if they’re creative with the space. It will make it easy for any of the kids interested in coming to show up, and the cost would be minimal. It makes so much sense that Kurt wonders if this is a plan they’ve already considered and dismissed for some reason he can’t think of.

He’s grabbing his phone to call Blaine and pitch the idea, but it rings before he can make the call, Sebastian’s face lighting up the screen.

“Hey!” Kurt says. “You must have just gotten out of work.”

“Yeah, still in the parking lot. I figured I’d call before I went over to Vanessa’s for the night.”

“Oh, right. God, I can’t imagine trying to watch four kids at once. You must have incredible patience.”

Sebastian laughs. “Honestly, when they’re together, they mostly entertain themselves. I just have to make sure they don’t kill each other. So how was your day?”

“Well, work was thrilling as usual,” Kurt replies, rolling his eyes. “But I just got a call from Blaine asking for help finding a wedding venue for him and Brandon, and I have an _amazing_ idea that I think they’re going to love.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, I still have to talk to them about it, but I don’t think they’ve even considered having it at the LGBT center Brandon runs. I mean, they met there and they spend tons of time there, so it means a lot to them, and it won’t cost much money, and the kids that go to the center can go to the wedding, too. Just imagine how great it would be for these kids to see two men professing their undying love for each other. God, it’s _perfect_.”

“That does sound really amazing, Kurt. Are you going to talk to them about it tonight?”

“I was going to call Blaine, but I think it might be better if I outline it all in an email,” Kurt says. “It might be easier to convince them that way, seeing it all right in front of them instead of listening to me babble on like an overexcited child.”

“It’s charming when you do that,” Sebastian insists.

Kurt huffs out a laugh, feeling his cheeks flush. Compliments from Sebastian still make him feel like he’s a teenager. “It might not be to the guy my ex is marrying, though. I think a professional email pitch that I can send to both of them is a better plan.”

“Well, you can feel free to direct all of your wedding idea enthusiasm in my direction.”

“I think I may have gotten all of it over with. For tonight, at least. How was your day?”

Sebastian is quiet for a moment. “Well... it was interesting.”

“Yeah?”

Sebastian’s reached his car, but he’s not ready to feel so contained quite yet, so he keeps walking through the parking lot. “Yeah, they told us today that the show’s getting canceled.”

Kurt gasps. “Oh my god, seriously?”

“Yeah, it was sort of a surprise.”

“I’m so sorry, Sebastian. I can’t believe they gave you no warning at all.”

“Yeah, I don’t know when it was all decided. I guess sometime over our winter break. We’re still shooting for three and a half more weeks to finish things up. The ratings had fallen, but they weren’t _that_ bad.”

“I’m sorry,” Kurt repeats, unsure of how to comfort him. “And I’m also sorry for rambling on about Blaine’s wedding for so long when you had something important to tell me.”

Sebastian laughs. “It’s fine. I’m fine, I promise.” He’s not even sure why he called Kurt as soon as he got out of work anyway. He had to get to his sister’s house to babysit, and he and Kurt can’t talk much tonight. It had just been instinct. As soon as he’d gotten out of work, his phone was out of his pocket and his finger was scrolling toward Kurt’s name.

“We can Skype as soon as you get Jamie into bed,” Kurt suggests.

“Can’t tonight. I’m going to be at Vanessa’s, remember?”

“Right, sorry,” Kurt says, biting his lip as he considers the options. “But I’m sure she’d understand if you canceled, wouldn’t she? You’ve had sort of a rough day.”

“I’m really okay, Kurt. We’ll talk tomorrow, if you have time?”

“Of course, I always have time. I’d make time if I didn’t.”

Sebastian feels a rush of warmth that has nothing to do with the setting sun, and it suddenly clear why he called Kurt. Kurt makes him feel better, always. “I know. I need to get going, I want to talk to Vanessa a bit before she leaves.”

“Okay. But we’ll talk later? You can text me if you get bored or something.”

“I will. You know, there is one good thing about losing my job. I didn’t even consider it til now.”

“Oh? What’s that?”

“That visit we’ve been trying to schedule will become pretty easy,” Sebastian says. “In three weeks, I’ll be unemployed. I can come to Ohio whenever I want.”

“That’s definitely a silver lining,” Kurt agrees. “But you’re going to get another job soon, I’m sure.”

“We’ll see.” Sebastian’s looped back around to his own car, so he unlocks the doors and climbs inside. “Okay, I’m gonna get going now.”

“Have a good night, okay? I love you.”

Sebastian grins. It’s a phrase they’ve been using sparingly in the two weeks since Sebastian left Ohio, and it still feels amazing every time. “I love you, too.”

-

“So do you have anything in particular you want me to make for dinner?” Sebastian asks his sister soon after he’s arrived.

Vanessa grimaces. “Actually... I might have told them you were going to take them out.”

“Nope, no way. I don’t even have room for four kids in my backseat.”

She digs through her purse for a minute, then hands her keys to Sebastian. “Take the minivan.”

“I hate you.”

“Oh, shush. Take them to McDonalds, they can work off their energy running around the play area. Then maybe they’ll actually go to bed when you tell them to.”

“You owe me,” Sebastian tells her, but he knows he’ll never attempt to collect. He owes his sister far more than she’ll ever let him repay.

She rolls her eyes. “I’ll pay for your McNuggets,” she says, grabbing some cash out of her wallet and handing it to him.

“You better. I got fired today.”

Vanessa stops trying to arrange the remaining cash in her wallet and whips her head up to stare at him. “You’re kidding.”

“Nope. Though I guess ‘laid off’ is a more appropriate term. The show got canceled.” He’s already getting sick of revealing this news, and he has tons more people to tell. Perhaps a mass email to everyone else he knows will suffice. It’s hard trying to deal with the reactions of other people when he’s not even sure how he feels about it himself.

Vanessa’s mouth is agape. “But... the ratings weren’t that bad, were they?”

Sebastian shrugs. “Bad enough, I guess.”

“Jesus,” she says, shaking her head. “I’m sorry, Seb.”

“I think it’s a good thing, actually,” he tells her. The news had felt pretty devastating when he’d heard it at work earlier in the day, but after having some time to think, he’s feeling a lot better. “I was thinking of leaving in June, anyway, and now I don’t have to agonize over it, you know? I can just leave without having to make a tough decision.”

“I guess,” she replies, not looking so sure.

“I’ve been thinking about moving to New York,” he admits. It’s the first time he’s voiced the idea aloud. It’s been lurking in the back of his mind since autumn, but the news about the show today has brought it to the forefront.

Vanessa frowns. “Seriously? For a guy you’ve just met? You hate it there, Sebastian, don’t be stupid.”

“I met him nine months ago, it just wasn’t face to face. And I don’t hate it there!”

“Well, you don’t _like_ it.”

“I could,” he insists. “If I had a reason to. And Jamie could be closer to Rob, and-”

“Oh, please,” Vanessa says, rolling her eyes. “You could live next door to Rob and he still wouldn’t spend any more time with Jamie. You remember how unreliable he was before he moved.”

“It would make things a lot easier when Jamie stays with him for holidays, though.”

“Or you could just tell him he can’t randomly take the kid for over a week whenever he feels like it,” she points out. “Maybe when he’s older and isn’t so dependent on his routine, but right now it’s just ridiculous. Living close to him won’t change that.”

“Your support means a lot, Ness, thanks.”

“I’d support it if I thought it would make you happy!”

“Kurt makes me happy,” Sebastian says. “I thought you liked him.”

“I do. He’s delightful. I just think it’s a little soon for you to be packing up all your stuff and moving across the country for him.”

It’s not something Sebastian feels like arguing at the moment. She’s never bought in to the idea that Sebastian’s insistence on he and Rob moving to LA was the cause of the dissolution of their relationship, and he’s not sure how to argue his point about moving to New York without bringing that up. Despite her constant teasing, Vanessa is the only person who has always, unfailingly been on Sebastian’s side, and though he normally appreciates it, this is a subject he doesn’t like discussing with anyone. It’s the one thing he’s never been able to excuse himself from or explain away, and listening to other people try is almost unbearable.

“I know you’re just upset ‘cause you’re going to miss me too much if I leave,” he says, forcing a playful tone as he elbows her. “Can’t say I blame you.”

For now, she lets him get away with avoiding the subject. “It’s true. If you leave, who am I supposed to get to take my kids to McDonalds when they just _need_ to have to have the Happy Meal toys?”

-

By the time Sebastian sits down for a real conversation with Kurt the next night, the reality of his situation is starting to sink in. He’s been let go, for the first time in his life. Next month, he will have no regular job to report to, no source of income, no hope for an invitation to the Daytime Emmys. For almost five years, _Desire Street_ has been a constant in his life. He always thought he’d leave the show on his own terms.

It’s not the end of the world. In a lot of ways, it’s a blessing. The tough decision-making that he had been anticipating in the coming months, about his contract and moving to be closer to Kurt, isn’t necessary anymore. He has no excuse not to move, and the question of what to do about the distance between them can be easily settled.

Sebastian’s not sure what he’ll do once he gets to New York. There’s no desperate need for him to get a job right away. He’s been careful with his money, and even if he hadn’t been, he has parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles who would never let him miss a mortgage payment or go without anything at all. He’s always been extremely fortunate in that way. It’s hard for him to imagine what it’s like for a single parent without his means, or even just someone like Kurt, who’s not completely without the support of others, but can’t count on much besides the fact that he will never be homeless or hungry. Money has never been an issue for Sebastian. He can’t imagine not having a job, though. He went to school for acting because he loved doing it. There are acting jobs in New York, of course, but Sebastian’s not really interested in theater. He’d done it in college, but there was a reason he had been so adamant about moving to Los Angeles. Acting in television and film had been his dream, and working on _Desire Street_ had only enforced that, even if it wasn’t what he would have chosen for his first significant role. Moving to New York is definitely going to change the course of his career, but he feels like he can’t ignore his gut instinct to pursue the relationship with Kurt through any means necessary. The timing of the show’s cancellation, right in the middle of so many conversations between them about moving, feels like as much of a sign as finding out the person Sebastian had fallen for online was someone he already knew.

“You’re still being very zen about this,” Kurt remarks over Skype soon after they connect. “I think if the same thing had happened to me, I’d be panicking.”

Sebastian shrugs. “Well, it solves our problem, doesn’t it? I can’t be too upset.”

Kurt cocks his head to one side in confusion. “Our problem?”

“The distance thing,” Sebastian clarifies. “Without this job, there’s nothing tying me to LA anymore. I can move to New York in the spring, too.”

Kurt’s jaw drops open. “Wait, seriously? Just like that, you’ll pick up and move?”

It’s not the reaction Sebastian had been hoping for. “Well... it’s not like it’s tomorrow,” he says, trying not to frown. “Is that... not okay? I’m not talking about moving into your apartment with you or anything, I just thought... this is what we’ve been talking about, isn’t it?”

“Sebastian, stop, of course it’s okay,” Kurt assures him. “It’s amazing, I just... didn’t expect it to happen so soon.” He sees Sebastian open his mouth to argue, but Kurt shushes him and continues. “Not that I think it’s _too_ soon.”

“It’ll be over a year that we’ve known each other by then,” Sebastian murmurs.

Kurt gives him a warm smile. “I know.” He’s quiet for a moment as he thinks, trying to find a way to put his reservations into words that won’t make Sebastian upset. “I really didn’t think New York was the city we were going to end up in. I feel like you’re going to be giving up a whole lot.”

“One of us has to give up things. And Jamie hasn’t started school yet, so if I’m going to move I’d rather do it before then. And he’ll be closer to his dad, which means I might not even have to hire anyone to help with him. If I stayed here, I might have to. Morgan starts kindergarten next year, and Vanessa’s been thinking about going back to work. It makes sense to do it now.”

Kurt can’t think of an argument. The shock of Sebastian’s announcement is starting to wear off, and Kurt’s starting to realize what this really means. He and Sebastian will be living in the same city in four months. They’ll be able to see one another everyday, touch, kiss, go on actual dates. Waking up next to each other won’t be that amazing thing that happened on New Year’s Day, it will be something that happens all the time. After spending the past two weeks craving Sebastian’s touch, the thought overwhelms him.

“We’re going to live in the same city in a few months,” Kurt finally says, a wide grin stretching across his face. “We’re going to see each other all the time.”

“Yep.” Sebastian grin is just as bright now that Kurt’s on the same page. May now seems like the light at the end of the tunnel, something they’re working toward. It’s not a nebulous “maybe someday” anymore, it’s an actual plan. “And speaking of seeing each other, I booked my flight to Ohio.”

“Oh, you did?” Kurt asks, even more excited. May wasn’t very far away, but February was much closer. He and Sebastian had spent the day texting back and forth about when a good time for a visit would be. “Were you able to get a flight on the 11th?”

“Yeah, Jamie and I are going to be landing at around seven that night,” Sebastian confirms. “And we’re heading back the next Sunday.”

Kurt bites his lip, trying not to squeal. He’s almost 30, it’s really not acceptable. “You’re going to be here for Valentine’s Day.”

“Oh, yes, I’m sure that just occurred to you now and was not at all part of your reasoning in campaigning for that week,” Sebastian teases.

“Maybe I just thought you’d need a distraction your first week off the job!”

Sebastian laughs. “I’ll make sure my parents don’t mind babysitting on the 14th, then?”

“That might be a good idea,” Kurt replies, trying his best not to exhibit the nervousness he’s starting to develop about how this visit will be different than the last. There’s no way to avoid it, though. He’s going to meet Sebastian’s son in less than a month.

-

In the time before Sebastian arrives in Ohio, Kurt brushes aside any doubts he has about Sebastian’s plan to move to New York. It’s good news, overall, and he’s not even sure why it had him so troubled in the first place. It’s not worth worrying about when other matters are more pressing. His nervousness about meeting Sebastian’s son is the main issue attempting to detract from his excitement, and it’s harder to hide. Sebastian assures him, time and time again, that Jamie is a friendly kid who likes pretty much everyone.

“He’s not even four yet, Kurt,” Sebastian teases him one night over Skype. “I promise, he’s going to love you. He’s really not picky.”

“So you know he’ll love me, not because I’m wonderful, but because he’s not picky? Gee, thanks!”

Sebastian rolls his eyes. “I wasn’t trying to insult you. If it makes you feel better, _I’m_ picky and I still love you.”

It’s a nice sentiment, but it doesn’t ameliorate Kurt’s anxiety about meeting Jamie. No matter what Sebastian says, it’s a huge deal. Jamie is the most important thing in Sebastian’s life, and Kurt has been able to mostly ignore that fact until now, since the child has not played any role in their relationship. If Kurt can’t tolerate Jamie, or if Jamie can’t tolerate Kurt, it won’t really matter what he and Sebastian have built so far. Kurt had never expected to be so terrified of a three-year-old.

Sebastian, despite his many reassurances, is a little nervous himself. He’s quick to dissuade Kurt from picking them up from the airport. He says it’s because his mom has a carseat for Jamie and Kurt doesn’t, which is true. His mom probably wouldn’t mind dropping it off at Kurt’s house so he could do the honors, but Sebastian really doesn’t want Kurt to meet Jamie at the airport. Jamie’s generally a pretty good flyer, but he has had issues before, and long flights can make him cranky. Sebastian doesn’t want Kurt’s first impression of Jamie to be bad. Though he has no doubts about Jamie liking Kurt, he knows that Kurt doesn’t have a lot of experience with young kids and is still wary about the meeting. He wants Kurt to see that kids really aren’t that scary, and if Jamie happens to be throwing a fit because his ears hurt from the flight, that won’t help put Kurt at ease.

It’s ridiculous for Sebastian to be worrying about something he’s so sure will work out. He’s moving to New York, which is something he never would have agreed to if he had any doubt that this relationship would last. The difficult decision facing them has already been made, and Sebastian knows he did the right thing. It doesn’t mean getting through all the preliminary stuff isn’t going to get scary at times.

The month before Sebastian’s visit passes quickly, filled with long planning sessions for the week and online apartment hunting for the future. Sebastian’s last day on the set of _Desire Street_ is rough, full of cast and crew giving tearful hugs, and part of him wants to apologize to all of these people for not being able to carry the show as the lead this year. It’s not an accusation anyone has voiced, but Sebastian still feels guilty. There are a lot of reasons that shows get canceled, and this one is no less complicated, but it’s hard, knowing that he wasn’t good enough to save the show. Driving out of the studio parking lot that night for the last time is bittersweet. This part of his life is over, and he’ll miss it, but there’s a suitcase at home waiting to be packed for his trip to Ohio, and the next phase of his life promises to be amazing.

-

As difficult as it is for both of them, Kurt and Sebastian don’t see each other on Sebastian’s first night in Ohio. Because of a flight delay and Jamie’s refusal to go to sleep at a decent hour once they got back to Sebastian’s parents’ house, Sebastian wouldn’t have been able to see Kurt until at least midnight, and even then wouldn’t have felt comfortable leaving his cranky son in the care of his parents. There’s no guarantee Jamie will remain asleep, and Sebastian hadn’t warned him of the possibility that he might be gone when he awoke. Sebastian and Kurt make plans for Kurt to come over late Sunday morning and, by that time, Jamie has gotten a full night’s sleep, acclimated himself to his new surroundings, and is back to usual happy self.

Kurt arrives as Sebastian’s parents’ house promptly at 10:30 am, thrumming with the same nervous excitement he’s been experiencing since they planned the visit. He’d dressed down today, unsure of what sort of messes he would encounter on a day hanging out with a three-year-old, so he doesn’t feel bad about wiping his sweaty palms on his jeans as soon as he’s out of his car. He’s been to this house before, already met Sebastian’s parents, kissed Sebastian in front of them, even, and that’s always been one of the most nerve-wracking steps of a relationship for Kurt. Meeting the son of a boyfriend is a whole new level of terrifying.

His thoughts are interrupted by the sound of the front door opening and closing. Sebastian’s wide grin helps alleviate Kurt’s stress, and before they even voice a greeting to each other, they’re locked in a passionate embrace, Kurt pressed up against the door of his car as Sebastian leans down to kiss him.

“Well, hello to you too,” Kurt says, breathless, as soon as Sebastians pulled back.

“Sorry,” replies Sebastian, leaning back in to nuzzle Kurt’s cheek. He doesn’t sound sorry at all.

Kurt laughs, soaking up the affection. The one positive of a long distance relationship is how amazing the reunions are. “Don’t be sorry,” he murmurs, wrapping his arms tighter around Sebastian. They stay that way for another moment before Kurt realizes Sebastian is only wearing jeans and a sweater.. “We should go in,” he says. “You must be freezing.”

“I’m fine,” insists Sebastian, but he takes a few steps back when Kurt releases him.

“You’re not even wearing a coat!”

“I think your coat is warm enough for the both of us,” Sebastian teases, squeezing the thick material on Kurt’s shoulder.

Kurt slaps his hand away. “Shut up, it’s freezing today.”

“It’s cold,” Sebastian agrees, slipping his own bare hand into one of Kurt’s gloved hands as they turn toward the house. “But you’re sort of dressed like you’re going on a hike in Antarctica.”

As soon as they start walking toward the house, Kurt feels his nerves start to pick up again. “So... Jamie’s in there?” he asks.

“No, my parents make him stay in the doghouse out back,” Sebastian says, nudging Kurt playfully. “Of course he’s in the house, where else would he be? Don’t be so nervous, okay? I told you, he’s gonna like you.”

“But what if it’s like one of those things where pets randomly just don’t like people?” Kurt asks. “My friend Jack has this dog that _despises_ me, for no reason, it just hated me on sight, and-”

“Kurt,” Sebastian interrupts, trying not to laugh. “I think you took the doghouse joke a little too seriously. Jamie’s not actually a dog. And I already told him how great you are. It’s going to be fine.”

Kurt groans. “Oh god, now I have hype to live up to!”

Sebastian stops walking and turns to face Kurt, placing his arms on Kurt’s shoulders. Kurt’s expecting a stern talking to about his histrionic complaints, but Sebastian just gives him a kiss, firm and quick. “Ready to do this?” he asks when he pulls back.

“Ready as I’ll ever be, I guess.” Kurt replies.

As Sebastian leads him into the house, Kurt takes a deep preparatory breath, a last desperate attempt to soothe his nerves. These are the good kind of nerves, he knows, the kind that come before exciting, life-changing events. It’s nothing like the state of panic he lived in during his last few months in New York, which had kept him awake every night, budgeting and rebudgeting in his head. Only a year ago, he’d still been there, alone in his closet-sized studio apartment, constantly searching for a better paying job, a cheaper place to live, and any audition that would allow him, so close to breaking into his cherished secondary savings account for things like rent and groceries. Back then, he’d been in survival mode, too stressed about life’s necessities to even mourn his abysmal love life, and now he’s getting ready to meet his boyfriend’s son. His boyfriend _Sebastian Smythe_ , who hated him in high school but loves him now, who’s moving to New York for him. A year ago, Kurt never could have imagined this.

Jamie’s sitting on the floor in the living room, surrounded by scattered toys. He doesn’t look up when Kurt greets Sebastian’s parents, who are keeping an eye on Jamie from the couch. Jamie doesn’t look up at all until Sebastian calls his name, too focused on whatever game he’s playing that involves both a monster truck and a baby doll wearing a fire helmet along with its diaper.

“Jamie, come here for a second?”

When Jamie stands up obediently and starts walking across the room toward Sebastian, Kurt gets his first good look at the boy. He looks a bit older than in the pictures Sebastian has shown to Kurt, but those shiny brown curls are unmistakable.

“This is Kurt,” Sebastian continues. “Remember we talked about meeting Kurt this week?”

Wide-eyed, Jamie turns to face Kurt. As soon as Kurt waves and says as cheerful a “Hello!” as he can muster, Jamie quickly moves closer to Sebastian, clutching at his leg and standing behind him.

“Not gonna say hi, huh?” asks Sebastian, ruffling the boy’s hair. Jamie shakes his head and moves even farther behind him.

Kurt tries not to take it personally. Sebastian had warned him that Jamie was shy with everyone at first, but that it wouldn’t take him long to feel more comfortable around him. Kurt and Jamie may not have had the most auspicious start, but Sebastian ends up being right. After Sebastian’s parents excuse themselves to another room, Kurt and Sebastian sit down on the couch to watch Jamie get back to his monster truck firebaby game, it’s less than an hour before Jamie starts addressing Kurt by name.

At that point, the monster truck and fire helmet have been pushed aside so the baby doll can be used as the ball in a ridiculous game of catch. Jamie seems truly delighted whether the doll is caught or not, and though he’d started the game with only his father, he started including Kurt as well with only minimal prompting from Sebastian.

“This just feels wrong,” Kurt remarks as he clutches the doll’s midsection and passes it like a football across the room to Sebastian. “I really pity this poor baby.”

Sebastian laughs as the catches the doll. “I don’t know, I think the baby likes it.”

“Baby likes it,” Jamie confirms, holding his arms out to receive the gentle toss from his dad. “It’s fun!”

“I stand corrected, then,” says Kurt.

“Though I suppose I should probably mention that this is not how you will transport any actual babies you might come in contact with in the future,” Sebastian says to Jamie, who looks perplexed. “Don’t throw real human babies, is what I’m saying,” he clarifies.

Kurt snorts. “Father of the year, right there.”

Sebastian grins. “I know, I’m very impressive.”

“Get ready, Kurt!” Jamie yells, uninterested in allowing any conversation that does not directly involve him to continue. “I’m gonna throw!”

“I’m ready!” Kurt hunches forward a bit and holds out his hands, but Jamie’s throw is, like all of his others to Kurt, a few feet too short. “Oh, missed that one, sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Jamie replies, fetching the doll and tossing it again. He reaches Kurt easily from the shorter distance, and across the room, Sebastian cheers.

“Kurt finally caught one! I can’t believe it.”

Kurt aims his next throw at Sebastian’s head.

Kurt and Jamie’s friendship is cemented later that day at Chuck E. Cheese’s. It had been Kurt’s suggestion, upon learning that the place Jamie was demanding to go to for lunch was about 2,000 miles away, and that the reason that restaurant was his favorite had little to do with the food.

“They have a pinball machine and a racing game out front,” Sebastian told Kurt.

Kurt hasn’t been to Chuck E. Cheeses’ since he was a kid, and he finds the environment even less exciting than he did back then. Even as a child, the noise levels and the abundance of pushy children usually made it an uncomfortable experience for him, and he hadn’t spent much time here outside of birthday parties. He’d had his own birthday party here the year after his mother died, more because it was an simple way to get through a difficult day than because of any attachment Kurt had to the place. He hasn’t stepped inside since.

Jamie is having fun, though, playing in the arcade and crawling through tubes in the play area. He’s a little cranky when Sebastian makes him take a break for lunch, despite earlier complaints about being hungry.

Sebastian leaves the table in search of napkins and straws once they’ve gotten their pizza and drinks, and when he’s been gone longer than seems necessary, Kurt searches the crowd and finds him talking to a woman who looks to be in her mid-twenties. She’s holding a little girl, but she passes the child off to another woman and takes out her cell phone so she and Sebastian can pose together for a picture. Kurt can’t help but snort.

“Does this happen often?” he asks Jamie, who also has his eyes fixed on his dad.

“I don’t know,” Jamie says, turning his attention back to Kurt. “Can I eat now?”

Kurt gives the pizza slice Sebastian had cut into smaller pieces on the boy’s plate an appraising look. Sebastian had told Jamie to wait a minute, because it was too hot, but now he's gone and Jamie is probably getting impatient. It’s such a silly thing, and the pizza’s probably fine, but Kurt’s not sure why Jamie thinks he’s an authority figure at all. Finally, he decides to take a bite of his own pizza, and since it doesn’t seem like it could possibly burn anyone, he tells Jamie he can go ahead. When Jamie doesn’t scream in horror after taking a bite, Kurt sighs in relief. He really wishes Sebastian would get back here, though, because what if Jamie starts asking for more pizza, or wants soda instead of juice, or wants to go to the tattoo place down the street and get his tongue pierced? Kurt really isn’t equipped to handle requests like those. Thankfully, a little boy with a Spider-man t-shirt walks by and distracts Jamie from any crazy ideas he might be formulating.

“Spider-man!” he cries, standing up in the booth and pointing excitedly as he watches the boy walk away. “That boy likes Spider-man!”

“Spider-man is pretty great,” Kurt replies.

Jamie turns back to Kurt. “You like Spider-man?”

“Yes, definitely.” It’s not a _complete_ lie. He certainly has nothing against Spider-man, at least. “I really liked the movies with Tobey Maguire when I was a kid. The Andrew Garfield movies I didn’t like quite so much, but I’m not sure if it’s just because I was older or...” He trails off when he notices the blank look on Jamie’s face. “But yeah, Spider-man’s great. Awesome.”

“Why on earth are you talking about Andrew Garfield?” Sebastian asks as he slides back into the booth next to Jamie. “Hey, sit down, buddy, finish eating.”

Kurt mentally curses himself for not telling the boy to sit down. “We were talking about Spider-man,” he says.

“Kurt likes Spider-man!” exclaims Jamie.

Sebastian looks amused. “Oh yeah? He must be pretty cool, then.”

Jamie gives a small nod, which Kurt takes as confirmations that Jamie does, in fact, think he’s pretty cool. He’s a little bit ashamed of how pleased it makes him.

Sebastian turns to Kurt. “Unfortunately, Jamie’s love of Spider-man is just based on a three minute clip of a cartoon he saw online and the fact that his cousins said Spider-man is cool. He can’t appreciate your love of Andrew Garfield, I’m afraid.”

“Actually, I was saying I _didn’t_ like those movies. And I wouldn’t have had to resort to talking about Andrew Garfield if we hadn’t been abandoned in favor of a cute single mom,” Kurt teases.

Sebastian smirks. “Sorry about that. She really likes the show, I didn’t want to be rude.”

“Did she ask you on a date? Because she’s still staring at you.”

“Daddy likes boys,” Jamie interjects, then looks over at Sebastian for confirmation. “Right?”

“Right.”

Kurt laughs. “Oh, I see. Jamie has been trained to be the one who breaks the ladies’ hearts so you don’t have to.”

“Exactly,” Sebastian says, grinning. “But since he was all the way over here listening to you rhapsodize about Spider-man, I had to do it on my own, so it took a little while.”

“You poor thing. I’m sorry.”

“Thank you, it was very trying.”

“Daddy, eeeeat,” Jamie whines. “I wanna go play more.”

-

Watching Kurt and Jamie talk and play together is more overwhelming than Sebastian expected. He had known they would get along, but actually seeing it unfold in front of him is enough to let him think unabashedly of the future and their potential to form a new family in New York. This had been the last obstacle, really, and Kurt is still a little nervous and unsure around Jamie, but they get along, and Sebastian knows Kurt’s nerves will dissipate in time. Kurt gets the same look of shock and fear mixed with delight whenever Jamie addresses him directly or includes him in a game. On Monday night, Jamie even asks Kurt to read his bedtime story instead of his grandmother, who is his usual Ohio choice. Kurt agrees after some convincing, and Jamie is so delighted by the different voices Kurt gives to the characters that he he chooses Kurt to read to him every night that he’s around at bedtime for the rest of the visit.

On Monday night, Sebastian is the one who’s nervous as he, Kurt, and Jamie drive to Breadstix to meet up with Kurt’s parents and Finn’s family. Besides Finn, Sebastian hasn’t met any of them, and it’s a bit intimidating. However, unlike Sebastian, who had consistently reassured Kurt that Jamie would like him, Kurt’s mostly unhelpful.

“They won’t be mean to you in front of your kid,” he teases Sebastian. “You’ll be fine.”

Kurt ends up being right. The meal goes well, and Burt is much more pleasant than Sebastian expected. Carole is great, and gushes about _Desire Street_ for a long time, though Sebastian suspects she only started watching it because he and Kurt are dating. Kristen seems a bit shy at the table filled with loud chatter, but she’s perfectly polite and welcoming. Lily and Jamie hit it off right away, and Lily spends a lot of the time she’s not eating helping Jamie figure out the games on the back of his kids’ menu. Only Finn seems reluctant to engage Sebastian, and Sebastian tries his best to ignore it, since Finn’s not being openly rude. However, he follows Sebastian into the bathroom while they’re waiting for their dessert, and after determining that the two of them are alone, Finn starts talking.

“I don’t really know how I feel about Kurt dating a cheater.”

Sebastian frowns, unsure of what Finn means. People might describe his behavior in high school as promiscuous, but he hadn’t been dating anyone, so he definitely hadn’t cheated then. After he started dating Rob, he’d been so hopelessly in love that the idea never even occurred to him, even when their marriage was falling apart.

“I’m not a cheater,” he replies after a minute. “I’m not sure why you’d assume that?”

Finn raises an eyebrow. “Um, because I watched you do it?”

That’s a particularly disturbing image. “ _What?_ Finn, what are you talking about?”

“At sectionals! You and the Warblers all took performance-enhancing drugs and beat us when I was coaching New Directions!”

Sebastian barks out a laugh before he can stop himself. If anything, he’d expected Finn to be mad about the photoshopped picture he’d threatened to send out the year before that. “You’re still mad about that? You guys won, though. You didn’t even finish, and you still got to move on.”

Finn scowls. “Whether I’m over it or not, it still happened, and it’s not a great reflection of your character.”

“It wasn’t my idea. And even if it had been, I was 18! People do change,” Sebastian replies. Hunter went on to become a DUI lawyer who specialized in trying to get drunk drivers off the hook and recently got disbarred for having an inappropriate relationship with a 17-year-old girl he was representing, though, so maybe this is not a strong argument.

“That... picture thing was your idea, though,” Finn says, looking uncomfortable.

“Yeah. But I didn’t actually release it?” Sebastian tries. When Finn doesn’t seem impressed, Sebastian sighs and continues. “I am sorry about that, okay? I was an asshole kid. My family agrees with you.”

“Kurt really hated you.”

“Yeah, and he doesn’t now. I think we both know him well enough to know that your opinion isn’t actually going to change the way he feels.”

“Oh,” Finn says, surprised. “I don’t want to change the way he feels. You’re right, it totally wouldn’t work, anyway.”

“Okay,” says Sebastian slowly. He’s getting more confused by the minute.

“I’m just doing the thing, you know? The ‘don’t hurt him or you’ll regret it’ thing, I just hadn’t gotten to that part yet. Kurt told Burt he’s not allowed to do that, so I have to be the one who takes care of it.”

This still sounds pretty ridiculous, and Sebastian’s not about to discuss his relationship, but since Finn seems a little calmer now, Sebastian doesn’t want to ruin that.

“Okay, noted,” he says. “Does Kurt know you do this? Because it would probably make him pretty mad.”

“No, he has no idea. Which brings me to my next point. You can’t tell Kurt we had this conversation.”

“I won’t,” Sebastian lies. “But, uh, I’m gonna pee now, if we’re done?”

“Right, yeah, we’re done. I feel like I got my message across.”

“Sure,” says Sebastian. “Loud and clear.”

-

This visit, while wonderful and important, allows Kurt and Sebastian even less time alone than they had over Christmas. Sebastian is staying with his parents, because them seeing Jamie is a big part of this visit, too. He couldn’t rent a hotel room for the week and not let Jamie stay with him there. Sebastian and Kurt, like last time, are forced to navigate around other people’s schedules in an attempt to find some time where they can be alone and Sebastian feels comfortable leaving Jamie in his parents’ care. Valentine’s Day is on Tuesday, and though they had originally planned to spend the evening alone, Sebastian’s parents already had plans of their own to spend the night at a bed and breakfast. It’s a fun night even with Jamie around, and though they squeeze in some makeout time after Jamie is asleep, neither of them are comfortable doing anything more when Jamie is so close. At home, it would be different, but he sometimes has trouble sleeping through the night when they’re away, and he also has a tendency to barge through closed doors without knocking.

The Valentine's date is postponed until Wednesday, when Sebastian's parents are free to watch Jamie all night. Sebastian feels a little sleazy when he tells them that he won't be back until early the next morning because he and Kurt are staying in a suite at a local hotel. He may be almost 30, but they're still his parents, and letting his parents know that he booked a hotel suite for the sole purpose of fucking his boyfriend still makes him vaguely ashamed. There's nothing to be done about it, though, since this might be the only chance all week for them to be alone. Having a young son means that Sebastian's sex life has ceased to exist since his divorce, save for one regrettable evening when Vanessa had agreed to watch Jamie overnight and forced him to go clubbing with some of his castmates. Casual sex didn't have the same appeal to him as it had in high school, and waking up the next morning hungover in a stranger's bed while his son was sleeping at his aunt's just hadn't felt right. Sebastian had never tried that again.

Despite missing their chance to celebrate Valentine's Day alone, both he and Kurt are excited to be celebrating on Wednesday. For the first time, they'll get to watch an episode of _Godfrey Pride_ while together in the same room. It’s another in a week of important firsts, and the fact that they get to watch it completely alone in a hotel suite with a king-sized bed and a jacuzzi just feet away just adds to the excitement.

They have dinner first at a nice French restaurant a few towns over, and after spending the beginning of the meal discussing tonight’s upcoming episode, the topic turns to their travel plans for Blaine’s wedding, which, as Kurt is happy to report, will be held at the center, like he suggested. Since the wedding is in April, it’s a perfect time for both of them to look for apartments and hopefully sign leases to avoid another trip before their moves. Discussing New York seems to drain all of the enthusiasm from Kurt, and after Kurt’s initial reaction to Sebastian’s plan to move, Sebastian can’t help but feel disheartened.

“Are you okay?” he asks. “You don’t seem very excited about this whole New York thing.”

Kurt forces a smile. “I am. I just... wasn’t having the best time before I left last year. I’m really glad you’re going to be there. I think I might be dreading it, otherwise. It’s been sort of nice to have a year off. New York is my home, and I get really lonely when I’m here, but having this time to save some money and not worry about what auditions I’m going to have to suffer through next was great.”

Sebastian frowns. “You don’t have to go on auditions if you don’t want to.”

“And what would I do instead? Walk the streets all day and hope a casting director notices me and just _has_ to cast me in a musical?”

“That might work,” Sebastian jokes. “But I meant you don’t have to go on auditions if you’re not really interested in being an actor anymore. Maybe it’s time to try something else.”

Kurt arches an eyebrow. “You think I should give up? Because I’m terrible and will never get a job, so I should just stop trying?”

“Wow, you just put a whole lot of words into my mouth, Kurt. I didn’t mean it like that at all.”

“So what did you mean, then?” Kurt asks, his voice rising. “Why would I stop going on auditions?”

“Because you clearly hate doing it! Every time you talk about it, you get all tense and upset. You keep saying it’s your dream, but all it does is make you miserable.”

“Yeah, well, you’d hate acting too if you hadn’t gotten a job on your very first audition,” Kurt says.

Sebastian didn’t get a job on his very first audition, but he doesn’t argue the point. He hadn’t been trying to start a fight. It’s an important conversation, one they need to have before they both pack up and move to New York, but on the one night they get to be alone together on this trip, Sebastian would rather things not get too heavy.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you,” he says. “I just hate the idea that you’re doing anything that makes you so miserable.”

“It’s not just the auditions, though.” Kurt sounds more resigned than angry now. “I haven’t had any job I liked in years. It gets... tiring.”

“You could try something new, maybe?” Sebastian suggests. “Moving will sort of be like starting over. Maybe instead of emailing your old boss to see if she can get you a receptionist job when you move back, you could try and do something you actually enjoy. Maybe something with writing? You’re a really good writer.”

Kurt lets out a humorless laugh. “Yes, because it’s _so_ easy to get by as a writer. I’m pretty sure no one’s going to pay me to churn out mediocre _Godfrey Pride_ fanfiction.”

Sebastian thinks for a moment before remembering Kurt’s enthusiasm for wedding planning. “You could look for a job with another wedding planner, maybe? I know you loved doing that.”

“Can we please talk about something else?” Kurt snaps. “I’m not really interested in career counseling. This is supposed to be a date.”

“Sorry,” Sebastian says, looking down at his plate. He’s not sure why this is such a sensitive subject, but he knows he’s probably coming across as condescending. It just pains him to know that Kurt is dreading moving back to New York, and it feels like it should be his job to try and make things better. The more selfish part of Sebastian’s brain can’t help but wonder why he’s moving his family across the country so Kurt can stay in a place he doesn’t even want to be.

Kurt sighs. “No, I’m sorry. My professional life is a mess and it’s not your fault at all. I’m being awful.”

After that, they do talk about something else, but their hearts aren’t really in it. The mood as they watch _Godfrey Pride_ later in the hotel suite is a little too somber, but Kurt’s curled into Sebastian’s side on the sofa, holding him tight, and despite the uncertainties of the evening, Sebastian knows this is still the first of many times they will sit cuddled close watching this television show that brought them together.

“I have this back-up savings account,” Kurt says after Sebastian turns off the television when the episode ends. “I’ve had it for years, never touched any of the money it, and I add more whenever I can. I always told myself that if the acting thing didn’t work out, I’d use the money to try and become an independent wedding planner.”

“That seems like a really great idea.”

“It would be like giving up, though, if I fully throw myself into something else. I know it’s stupid, but I’m not ready to do that, yet. I’m not ready to give up a failed acting career to move on to my next favorite thing, and maybe fail at that, too. I mean... what would I do then? I like having a back-up plan. It makes me feel safe.” It’s the first time Kurt’s been able to articulate his feelings on the topic, and he feels a lot better after getting it out in the open. He wants to be able to share everything with Sebastian, no matter how vulnerable it makes him feel. Keeping his insecurities hidden isn’t going to help anything

“That makes sense,” Sebastian says, running his hand up and down Kurt’s back. “I wasn’t trying to pressure you into anything.”

“I know.” Kurt sits up enough so he can press a soft kiss to Sebastian’s lips. The evening has left him emotionally drained, but with Sebastian so close, it’s hard not to appreciate how lucky he is to have found such a wonderful partner. “I’m really glad you’re here. Not just tonight, but...”

“I know,” Sebastian says with a small smile. “I am, too. Always.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick PSA: Part seven is going to be the last part of the main story, and part eight is more of an epilogue. I just wanted to warn you guys! Thank you so much for reading, and happy Mother's Day, to those of you who are in the US and are mothers :D

Sebastian really loves his house. It’s nothing extravagant - a modest two-story home in a quiet neighborhood just outside of Los Angeles with a backyard just big enough for the deck and Jamie’s swingset - but Sebastian’s reluctant to leave it behind when they move to New York. They’ve been living in this house for less than three years, but it feels as much like home as his parents’ house had when he was a kid. Before buying this house, he’d lived in dorms and apartments in New York and a rented house in LA, but they all felt temporary, just stepping stones on his path to this house. The buying process was long and torturous, but worth every second. This house is perfect. It’s not the house Jamie was brought home from the hospital to, or the place he took his first steps, but it’s the place where they settled down to take on the next phase of their lives, as a single dad and his young son. There’s a sense of permanence here. Sebastian had thought Jamie would grow up here, maybe bring his own kids back here one day while Sebastian grows old here. Looking at New York apartment listings online before Jamie’s fourth birthday had never been part of the plan.

It’s not that Sebastian doesn’t want to move. His relationship with Kurt is worth far more than his attachment to a house. It’s just a slight departure from the fantasies he’s been having about the future. Before, they mostly involved just Kurt and Sebastian together, doing vague coupley things, but lately the fantasies are more vivid and detailed. They involve Jamie, too, now that Kurt’s met him. Sebastian can see it clearly, the three of them as a family, doing all the things he and Rob never got to do. The problem is that all of the scenes are _here_ , making breakfast in the kitchen, swimming in Vanessa’s pool, or building sandcastles at the beach, Kurt all sunkissed and bright, stripped of the layers he tries to hide underneath. As much as he tries, Sebastian can’t force these scenes to change setting. He knows it’s ridiculous. They can do all of those things in New York, too, and there’s no reason to believe Kurt would be better off in LA. Kurt is determined and independent and he wants Sebastian’s support, not Sebastian’s own desires pushed on him. Sebastian had done that to Rob, and he’s not going to make that mistake again. Sebastian may wish he could stay here in this city, in this house he’d meant to live in forever, but he wants a functioning relationship with the person he loves more. Being a father has helped teach him that sacrifices are an important part of love. He and Rob had never really grasped that concept, but he hopes that he and Kurt might be on the right track. Kurt has been loving and attentive, but Sebastian can’t shake the feeling that he’s still not being open about his feelings on the move to New York. His own insecurities have him worried that Kurt’s lack of enthusiasm isn’t just about his job prospects. Sebastian knows that Kurt never intended to get serious with anyone who has a child, and it’s not beyond the realm of possibility that Kurt thinks the move to New York will force him fully accept the fact that Sebastian is a father, first and foremost, and if Kurt wants to continue dating him, he has to accept Jamie, too. Sebastian doesn’t have much reason to believe that Kurt won’t, but he’s waiting for a sign to confirm that his fears are irrational, anything that might show him that Kurt is willing to sacrifice, too.

They’ve crossed the main hurdle. Kurt and Jamie have met, so Jamie is no longer just an abstract concept to Kurt, he’s a real person. A real person who, since the visit to Ohio three weeks ago, cannot stop talking about his new friend Kurt who love Spider-man. Even Rob has been treated to a variety of tales about Kurt’s proficiency at reading bedtime stories and playing hide-and-seek. After waking up one night and finding Sebastian talking to Kurt over Skype, Jamie started demanding that he be able to talk to Kurt that way, too, and Sebastian indulged him with a few calls earlier in the evening. It’s amazing, seeing Jamie and Kurt get along so well. Sebastian can hardly be blamed for all of the fantasizing about the future he’s been doing.

“Today he asked if you were coming to his birthday party next week,” Sebastian tells Kurt over Skype, hoping Kurt will find it as exciting as he did.

“He did? Really?”

“Yeah. You can’t be _that_ surprised, though,” Sebastian says, reveling in Kurt’s wide grin. “You know how obsessed he is with you.”

“I think it’s just because I misled him about my level of affection for Spider-man.”

Sebastian laughs. “Well, that was a good ice-breaker, but he thinks you’re impressive in other ways, too. He was pretty disappointed when I said you live too far away to come to the party.”

Kurt’s quiet for a moment. “What if I did, though?”

“Come to Jamie’s party? It’s next Saturday, Kurt.”

“I’m sure I could find a flight,” Kurt says, starting to sound excited. “And take Friday off, maybe even Monday? Finn’s been starting to come back to the shop, so I’m sure he could cover for me. And I wouldn’t have to get a hotel, I could stay with my friends.”

“You can stay here, unless you don’t want to,” Sebastian tells him. “Jamie would be thrilled.”

Kurt looks surprised. “Oh, that’s okay? I didn’t know if...”

“It’s fine. It would have been a little weird at my parents’ house, but of course you can stay here. People stay here all the time. Jamie doesn’t care as long as he knows.”

“Okay, so... should I check out flights?”

“Are you sure you want to?” Sebastian asks. “Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to have you here, but not even Rob is coming. It’s probably not going to be a whole lot of fun, just my sister’s family and some kids from his daycare and their parents. I can understand if you don’t want to come.”

Kurt bites his lip, considering. “I do want to. I really miss you guys, and this is kind of an important event for him, and I’d really love to be there.”

“Okay,” agrees Sebastian, wishing Kurt were here so he could kiss him. This is it, the sign he’s been waiting for. Kurt wants to drop everything and fly to California for his son’s birthday. He can’t think of a way Kurt could be any clearer about his acceptance, and he instantly feels some relief from the weight of his worries over the past few weeks. “You should come, then, if you can find a flight. You don’t need to rent a car or anything, we can take you to the airport and back anytime. The joys of being unemployed! Oh, speaking of which, I forgot to tell you, I have an audition on Monday.”

“Ah, back to the working world!” Kurt teases.

“It’s an audition, not a job,” Sebastian says. “And it’s another soap opera thing, a short guest stint on _The Bold and The Beautiful._ ”

“Oh, you’re a shoo-in, then! Bold _and_ beautiful, there’s no way they’ll turn you down.”

Sebastian rolls his eyes. “Riiight. It would be nice, though, something to keep me busy until May. I think even Jamie’s sick of me being home all the time.”

“Please, I’m sure he loves it. I’m gonna go, okay? It’s getting late and I want to see what flights I can find online before I go to bed.”

“Okay. Let me know when you book something.”

“I will. Have a good night, okay? I love you.”

“Love you, too,” Sebastian says, smiling as Kurt disconnects.

-

Kurt had made the suggestion on a whim. Before Sebastian told him that Jamie wanted him there, Kurt had never really considered traveling to LA. They were going to see each other again at Blaine’s wedding in April, and then they would be living in the same city as of May. Since Sebastian had never invited him or even suggested a visit, Kurt never brought it up, either. He thought about what their lives were like out there, though, wondered about their house, their car, the local park, their morning routine. Since Sebastian and Jamie’s visit, Kurt’s been thinking about LA a lot. Sam’s offer to let Kurt move into his and Mercedes’s basement had seemed ridiculous back in December, but as Kurt’s time in Lima draws to a close, he wishes it were still an option to consider. He thinks he would move to LA, if Sebastian asked. The plans are set, though, and Sebastian has his own reasons for wanting to move to New York. Kurt can understand why Sebastian wouldn’t want to involve him in his life out there. Kurt would be an intrusion, screwing up their routine. Whenever Sebastian talks about moving to New York, he emphasizes the importance of starting over. Their life together is going to begin in a few months, the slate wiped clean. Kurt sees the appeal in that.

He still wants to visit, though, wants to be at Jamie’s party. Kurt’s images of the future have both Sebastian and Jamie in them now. It’s a little scary how quickly that changed after meeting the boy. Kurt feels like he’s been left behind in Ohio while the people he’s meant to be with are across the country, carrying on with their lives. Now that he has Sebastian’s approval, Kurt knows the visit is a good idea. The short respite from the dreariness of Ohio, which hasn’t had any good weather yet this year, will be good for him. A distraction from his anticipatory dread of returning to New York in a few months, or at least a bright, sunny reminder of what his reward will be once he gets there, is exactly what he needs.

He manages to book a flight for the coming Friday, with an overnight flight back to Ohio leaving Sunday night. It’s a little pricey, but Kurt has been frugal during his time in Ohio, and this is something worth splurging on. Jamie’s gifts are another expense Kurt doesn’t think twice about. In addition to pretty much every Spider-man toy, coloring book, and sticker set he can find, Kurt also can’t resist buying a few outfits that are probably more expensive than is advisable to spend on clothing for a four-year-old. Finn is happy to cover for him at work, Carole’s going to drive him to the airport in Cincinnati, and Kurt gets more excited as the week crawls by.

Until Wednesday night, when he’s on the phone with Mercedes, trying to figure out a time that she and Sam are free to meet up on Sunday.

“I can’t believe you’re going to his kid’s birthday party,” she says. “That’s like... serious.”

“Well, yeah,” Kurt replies. “Sebastian and I are pretty serious.”

“But it’s different, with a kid. It doesn’t just involve the two of you.”

Kurt frowns. “I know that. That’s why I’m going to Jamie’s birthday party.”

“Right, that’s the thing,” she says, heaving a sigh. “If you start acting like his daddy and then things don’t work out...”

“I’m not acting like his daddy,” Kurt says, trying to ignore how much time he’s spent lately thinking of the three of them as a family. “And I’m not terribly concerned about things not working out.” It’s the first time he’s voiced the thought, but it’s been on his mind lately, not just a future but a forever. He hasn’t thought much about marriage since he was with Blaine, but his mind wanders in that direction sometimes now. He’s spent a few slow days at the shop trying to think of wedding ideas that will best Sebastian and Rob’s country club club ceremony.

“Well, good,” Mercedes says, and Kurt’s thankful she doesn’t push the issue. “I’m really happy for you, Kurt, you know that, right? I can’t wait to meet this new and improved version of Sebastian Smythe that you’re so enamored with.”

“I can’t wait for you guys to meet him, either,” Kurt admits. “Sunday at 1 is the plan for now, then?”

“Yep! I’m so excited for you to see the house!”

“I’m excited to see it! Is Sam going to give me another sales pitch about the basement?”

Mercedes laughs. “Probably! It’s finished now, and we’re going to put an ad out for a renter soon, I think. We’ve been starting to think about kids, and we really need to start saving more money.”

“You guys are thinking about kids?! Oh my god! Why didn’t you tell me?”  
  


“I just did!”

“That’s so exciting! Can I be godfather?”

“You don’t believe in God!”

“Details,” Kurt scoffs. “So, be more specific. When you say ‘starting to think about kids,’ does that mean you guys are just talking about whether or not you want them, or does that mean you’ve stopped taking your birth control?”

“Kurt!”

“It’s a legitimate question!”

“I’ll see you Sunday, Kurt,” she says, laughing. “Have a safe trip!”

It doesn’t take long for Mercedes’s words to get to him. Sebastian notices that something’s wrong that night over Skype as they watch the last episode of _Godfrey Pride_ before the three-week spring hiatus, but Kurt dismisses it as pre-travel jitters. It’s not entirely a lie, because the idea of flying to California right now is inducing panic.

Mercedes is right - his relationship decisions affect more than just himself and Sebastian, and Kurt hadn’t really considered that before. Was he actually ready to be a parent? That’s what he’ll be, eventually, if things keep moving in this direction. Kurt thought he’d accepted that already, including Jamie in his future plans, but Kurt hadn’t considered how different things might be once they get to New York. If Kurt’s as unstable and unhappy there as he was before, maybe this relationship he feels so sure of right now will fall apart. It’s easy to be certain of things from his secure bubble in his parents’ house in Ohio. Maybe this is why Kurt has been thinking so much of California lately - he’d rather escape, intrude into someone else’s comfortable life instead of taking the risk to go back to New York. It disgusts Kurt, thinking of how cowardly he’s grown since high school. Leaving New York last year had been as much of a relief as leaving Lima had been when he was a teenager. There’s no way of knowing what will happen once he’s back there and his life is plunged into uncertainty. Isn’t it better, then, to keep his distance from Sebastian’s son, to not let the boy get too attached until Kurt can be sure that the relationship is going to last? Kurt can’t believe this isn’t something he’d considered before offering to jump on a plane.

He can barely focus on the show, even though it’s an eventful episode. Tim kisses Camden about halfway through, and that’s enough to grab Kurt’s attention again. That kiss has been years in the making, and it’s amazing, watching Tim take that risk, finally go for what he wants after all of the uncertainty. The elation fades quickly as the episode progresses, though. Of course, there are complications. Tim just made an error in judgment, he’s not ready, not yet.

“They’ll work it out,” Sebastian says during the last commercial break, and Kurt wants to believe it.

In the end, Camden gives Tim an ultimatum and the episode ends in a cliffhanger, completely unresolved. Kurt feels more uneasy than ever.

He doesn’t get on his plane on Friday. He has every intention to, but as the time to leave the house draws near, Kurt feels paralyzed by the strength of his fear. He can’t go, not right now, can’t take this step, even though his bags are packed. Sebastian will understand, he’ll have to, because they love each other and this is really in their best interest, even though Kurt can’t talk to him right now. He can barely talk to Carole, not meeting her eye as he mumbles something about the flight being canceled and then heads back up to his bedroom, hoping to work up the courage to call Sebastian and explain what’s going on. Instead, he gets a text from Sebastian a little while before his plane is set to take off, and it only makes him feel worse.

_Sebastian to Kurt: I have to get to my audition, but I hope you have a good flight! I can’t wait to see you._

Kurt’s stomach churns uncomfortably. He doesn’t know how to reply, but he forces out a good luck text before turning off his phone. He’s been so wrapped up in himself the past few days that he had completely forgotten that Sebastian had gotten a callback for that part in _The Bold and the Beautiful_. There’s no way Kurt can talk to him about this now, not right before an audition. It’s starting to sink in that he’s made a horrible mistake that it’s too late to fix. The flight hasn’t left yet, but he’d never make it, even if he could pull himself out of bed to try.

“He’ll understand,” Kurt says to his bedroom, trying to even out his shaky, shallow breaths.

-

It feels like someone turned Sebastian’s world upside down.

He manages to get through Jamie’s party without letting most of the guests know that anything’s wrong. Since only a few people had been expecting Kurt, his absence doesn’t raise many eyebrows. Even Vanessa, being uncharacteristically subdued, doesn’t force an explanation out of him until late afternoon, when they’re finally in the relative quiet of the kitchen. Everyone’s still out back, laughing and playing, while Vanessa and Sebastian prepare the cake for serving.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asks.

“Not really,” Sebastian tells her. “Maybe when I actually know what’s going on, I’ll have something to say, but right now...”

Vanessa frowns. “What do you mean? You don’t know what happened? I figured you must have had a fight.”

“No fight. He texted me last night, 20 minutes before we were going to leave to pick him up at the airport, and said he missed his flight. His flight that left four hours before that. Then he was weird and evasive and wouldn’t pick up his phone. I finally got him to tell me, in a text message, that he’s fine. He just ‘couldn’t get on that plane.’”

“Dramatic,” she remarks. “And strange.”

“Yep.” Sebastian doesn’t mention how he’d barely slept the night before and he’s been sick with worry all day. He’s sure Vanessa can tell. “It’s about Jamie, I know it is. Kurt’s always had an issue with me having a son. I thought he was getting over it. Our visit went so well! But maybe I’m just seeing what I want to see, instead of what’s actually happening. You know, like always.” He sighs as he starts looking through the drawers to find the birthday candles he bought earlier in the week. “I’m sorry, I know I said I didn’t want to talk about it.”

“Hey, talk all you want,” Vanessa says. “You know how nosy I am, I love it.” Sebastian huffs out a laugh. He finds the candles and brings them back to the counter, and Vanessa gives his shoulder a comforting rub. “Do you know what you’re gonna do?”

“Call him tonight, I guess,” Sebastian says. “Maybe he’ll feel like talking. He can’t hide forever.”

“You guys will work things out, I’m sure.”

“Thanks, Ness.” He knows she could be gloating, saying she told him so, bringing up her objection to his plans to move to New York, and he’s incredibly grateful that she’s not. “I should probably call Rob at some point and apologize, too.”

“Why?”

“He and Jamie Skyped this morning, so he could watch Jamie open the gifts that he sent, and I miiight have been a little cranky and started a fight.”

Vanessa laughs. “I’m sure Rob will be fine. You’re allowed to start the fights sometimes, too.”

“I guess,” Sebastian says. He still feels like an asshole, though. Rob hadn’t been antagonistic at all this morning, and even asked Sebastian what was wrong before finally rising to the bait and bickering back. “God, I’m a mess.”

Vanessa squeezes his shoulder. “Who isn’t? Hey, you need one more candle!”

Sebastian surveys the cake, confused. “Um, Jamie’s turning four, unless we’ve time-jumped and nobody told me.”  
  


“Right, so he needs five candles! One to grow on!”

“Ugh, no,” Sebastian says, batting her hand away as she tries to stick in a fifth candle. “He grows too much already, he doesn’t need any help. I feel like I’m buying him new clothes every other week.”

“Oh, stop your whining,” she scoffs. “You could clothe a whole army of growing children with the hand-me-downs I gave you.”

“Well, I _could_ , but I’d prefer to have a fashionable son, thanks,” he teases. He’s trying to keep the mood light, but all it does is remind him of Kurt’s excited rambling about the clothes he’d bought for Jamie’s birthday. The clothes that are still in Ohio because Kurt _couldn’t get on that plane._ “I need to call Kurt.”

“And you will,” Vanessa says, flicking her lighter to light the candles. “But first, cake.”

-

Sebastian spends the rest of the day preparing an ultimatum. He and Kurt have to deal with the Jamie issue, and as much as Sebastian worries about the result, he knows they can’t wait any longer to talk about this. If Kurt can’t handle a future with a child in it, there’s no reason to keep dragging this out.

Kurt’s more responsive, via text at least, as the day passes, offering apologies but no explanations, and he and Sebastian agree to talk later. Sebastian suggests 10 pm his time, since he knows Jamie will be hard to get to bed after all of the excitement. Normally, Sebastian would feel bad, making Kurt stay up so late, especially since he can’t imagine Kurt slept too well the night before, but Sebastian only feels the slightest bit of guilt when Kurt readily agrees to the time.

The wait to call Kurt at 10 is agonizing. The last stragglers leave his house around seven, and Jamie, by some miracle, is fast asleep by nine. Sebastian sends all the photos and videos of the party to Rob with a cordial email, hoping it’s enough to make up for his bad attitude this morning, and he kills some more time cleaning up party remnants. He could call Kurt now, end the waiting, but he’s dreading the conversation, too, half-convinced it’s going to result in the end of their relationship. It’s such a change from yesterday, when Sebastian had been bright and happy after a great audition and the anticipation of Kurt’s arrival. Now, he’s plunged back into the same sort of uncertainty he’d felt in early December, waiting to call after the week Kurt had spent being distant when he found out who Sebastian was. Sebastian had been worried about the relationship ending then, too, and the idea of it had been so painful. Now, after more than four months, after spending time with Kurt, being held by him, meeting each other’s families, planning a future, the idea that it might suddenly be over is almost unbearable.

When Kurt picks up the phone, he sounds as apprehensive as Sebastian feels. It’s awkward at first, neither of them sure how to start, until Kurt finally asks how the party went.

“Could’ve been better,” Sebastian says, his tone falsely casual. “Not everyone showed up.”

“Sebastian, I’m so sorry.”

“Yeah, you’ve said that a bunch of times. Or, no, you’ve texted it a bunch of times, because apparently it’s just too scary to talk to me all of a sudden.” Sebastian had intended to discuss the issue calmly, but now that he’s got Kurt on the phone, it’s difficult.

“I’m talking to you now,” is Kurt’s weak argument. “I’m sorry, I just-”

“How about you just stop apologizing and tell me what the hell happened?”

Kurt takes a shaky breath. He’s spent the day trying to prepare himself for this moment. “I... I just panicked. I couldn’t stop thinking about how maybe I shouldn’t get too close to Jamie, because if we broke up, then-”

Sebastian heart sinks. “I knew it. I knew this was about Jamie.”

“It’s not Jamie,” Kurt argues. “I mean, not Jamie specifically. He’s great. It’s just... there’s a kid involved.”

“Right,” mutters Sebastian.

“And if I get too close to him, and he gets hurt because of something that happens between us, I’d feel terrible.”

“It’s touching that you’re so concerned about Jamie’s well-being all of a sudden. You know what actually hurts Jamie? Finding out that people don’t keep their promises.”

Kurt’s quiet for a moment. “What did you tell him? Did you say...”

“Don’t worry, I didn’t tell him you decided to blow him off. I just said there was something wrong with your plane. He’s used to that excuse, I have to use it for Rob all the time.”

“That’s not fair, Sebastian,” Kurt says, his voice trembling. “I’m not his father.”

“Exactly. And I have put no pressure on you. We’ve done this entirely at your pace. _You_ wanted to come here.”

“He asked for me!”

Sebastian laughs, but there’s no joy in it. “Yeah, well, he asked for Elmo, too. You made this decision, _you_ fucked up, and then you were too much of a coward to tell me until the very last minute.”

“You had an audition. I didn’t want to ruin your day...” Kurt’s voice is pleading now, and Sebastian can tell he’s starting to cry.

“Well, good job on not ruining my day,” Sebastian spits. He’s suddenly very glad they’re talking on the phone instead of Skyping. He’s not sure if he could get through this while watching Kurt cry. “Look, I just... don’t understand,” he continues after a moment of trying to calm himself. “I haven’t been forcing you. You seemed excited to come. Why, all of a sudden, is it such an issue?”

Kurt sighs. “It’s going to be different in New York. Our relationship might change when I’m back there.”

“Well, obviously,” Sebastian says. “We’re going to live in the same city, so we’ll actually be able to see each other. Isn’t that what we want?”

“Yes, of course, but... when I start going on auditions and not getting any, that might change things between us.”

“You think I care about that?” Sebastian asks. “You not getting an acting job? Which, by the way, is not a given or anything, you’re really amazing, and-”

“Right, right, I’m sure I’ll get my big break as soon as I move back,” Kurt scoffs. “And you may not care whether or not I get any parts, but _I_ care.”

“Okay, I get that it sucks, but how will it affect us? I don’t understand.”

Kurt lets out a frustrated sigh. “Yeah, I guess it must be hard for you to understand the effects of not getting everything you want handed to you.”

“Really, Kurt? You’re going to blame your inadequacies on me?” Sebastian immediately regrets the words when he hears Kurt’s sharp intake of breath. He and Kurt have never fought before, and this conversation has gotten out of control quickly, with Sebastian losing focus on his goal of introducing the ultimatum about Jamie. It’s hard not to, though, with Kurt being so combative. “Fuck, I’m sorry, you’re not _inadequate_ , I didn’t mean that. But I’m not sure what you want me to say. I don’t think this actually has anything to do with whether or not you can find an acting job when you’re back in New York. I think it’s about Jamie, and I think he’s been your main issue ever since we met, and I’ve been allowing myself to ignore it, because I just want this to work so badly. I love you, you know that, but Jamie always, _always_ comes first for me. That’s not going to change.”

“I know that. Of course I know that,” Kurt says, the vitriol gone from his voice.

“And I understand not wanting to start acting like you’re his dad, but that’s not something that’s going to happen anytime soon, anyway. I would never try and rush that, or force it on you _or_ Jamie. But... we’re in this for real, right? This isn’t messing around, this is serious, for me at at least.”

“For me too,” Kurt confirms. “I want this to work.”

“And for it to work, I need to know that you accept that at some point, if we stay together, Jamie is going to have to be a very big part of your life. And I know that’s sort of a big thing, and we’ve been avoiding talking about it, but... we shouldn’t anymore. Because if I’m moving....” Sebastian sighs, then steels himself to continue, and get through the main point of his speech. “Just take some time and think about it, okay? Really think about if this is something you want to do. If Jamie isn’t a dealbreaker for you. And if he’s not, if this is something you can accept, then I think we can work this out. If you think that me having a son is something you’d rather not deal with long-term... then we probably shouldn’t try and kid ourselves any longer.”

“You think we’re kidding ourselves?” Kurt asks softly. “Really?”

Sebastian sighs. “I just... really need you to think about this, okay? Because stuff like this can’t happen anymore. We need to figure this out. _You_ need to figure this out, because I’ve made my decision already. We need to be on the same page, you know? Or we need to stop pushing something that’s never going to work out. Just... think about it. Take however long you need, and... maybe we should have some distance until you know whether or not you actually can do this.”

Kurt wants to answer right then, say that he’s fully considered all of the options and that he’s fine with Jamie’s existence. It’s what he’s been unable to stop thinking about lately, being part of their family, but it’s a big commitment, too, and if he’s going to have freak-outs like he did yesterday, maybe he really does need to spend more time thinking about whether it’s what he wants. He’s not sure Sebastian has pinpointed the real reason for Kurt’s panic this week, but he knows that he needs to think about it, as Sebastian suggested. Kurt owes Sebastian this, to give him the distance he wants and give this as much consideration as it deserves.

Before Kurt can agree to the terms, say that he’ll think about it, tell Sebastian he loves him and that he’ll call soon, he hears the soft click of the call being ended.

-

It’s not an easy few days for Sebastian. Even though it was him who requested the distance, every minute that Kurt doesn’t contact him is more painful than the last. He had told Kurt to think about it and had told himself to expect the worst, but Sebastian had hoped Kurt wouldn’t need much time to mull it over. Kurt’s sudden change of heart on Friday aside, the two of them have been doing so well. Sebastian wouldn’t have been willing to move his family across the country if he hadn’t been sure there was a strong likelihood that he and Kurt were going to eventually get married. Kurt had never planned on dating a guy with kids, that much Sebastian knows, but things had been going so well recently that he’d just assumed Kurt wasn’t opposed to the idea. How can he be, when he and Sebastian are so perfect for each other? They had found one another, rescued one another when it seemed like finding love was an impossibility. Though they had just turned to the _Godfrey Pride_ fandom as a distraction, an attempt to fill the voids in their lives with casual online friendships based on a mutual interest, what they found was so much more. Every minute Sebastian spends with Kurt feels like it belongs in the highlight reel of his life, and he knows it’s similar for Kurt. It takes all of Sebastian’s restraint to keep himself from emailing Kurt after two days have passed, to not write a strongly-worded message reminding Kurt that he always knew about Sebastian’s son, and when he decided to meet Sebastian anyway back in December, that was an irreversible decision, no takebacks.

But he told Kurt to take all the time that he needed to think it through, to really consider his options, and he meant it. He won’t bully someone into something, not again. It doesn’t work, and it just makes things worse in the end.

Sebastian really, really hopes this isn’t the end.

By Tuesday, he’s almost given up hope of getting the answer he wants from Kurt. They haven’t gone this long without contact since they first started talking almost a year ago. It doesn’t help that he doesn’t have a job to distract him anymore. Jamie keeps his attention a lot of the time, but it’s not enough. He finds himself back online, checking the fandom blogs he used to frequent, trying to catch up on everything he’s missed, but it doesn’t feel the same as before. He hasn’t been keeping up lately, only checking a few of the blogs that actually post news about the show every few days instead of fully immersing himself in the fandom. It feels strange now, browsing the stories he’s missed, knowing that he won’t be able to share this with Kurt. All of it seems wrong, too tied up with Kurt and all the feelings he can’t avoid right now. If this is the end for them, Sebastian’s not sure he’ll even be able to keep watching the show.

Against Sebastian’s better judgment, he visits Kurt’s blog, which hasn’t been updated in months. Kurt still checks other blogs sometimes, like Sebastian, and has a general idea of what’s been going on in the fandom, but he hasn’t been participating any more than Sebastian has since they started dating. The background image on Kurt’s blog is still as comforting to Sebastian as it was last year, when he’d visit it three times daily to make sure he never missed an update from Kurt, never missed a chance to send him a message. Sebastian’s not sure if it’s a good or bad thing that Kurt hasn’t started updating again in the days they haven’t spoken.

He’s 10 pages back in Kurt’s blog, reading posts from early November, when his cell phone starts vibrating on the table. Sebastian’s stomach lurches, sure that it must be Kurt, ready to give him an answer, _finally_. He glances across the room to make sure Jamie’s still occupying himself with the child-sized kitchen set Vanessa bought him for his birthday before he checks his phone, ready to step into the other room to talk with Kurt if necessary.

When he finally checks who’s calling, his heart sinks. It’s Tori, his agent.

“I have great news,” she says as soon as he picks up, not waiting for a greeting. Her voice is entirely too bright for how miserable he’s feeling. “You got the part! Congratulations, Geoffrey Madison. You start on the 27th.”

“That’s great,” Sebastian says. He can’t help but smile. He had known the audition had gone well, but he hadn’t thought much about it since Friday. If nothing else, the idea of going back to work is very appealing.

“There’s just one thing, though, and I know it might be a dealbreaker for you,” Tori says. “Even though it’s actually a really _good_ thing, and you’d be stupid not to-”

“What is it, Tori? Just tell me.”

“It’s a bigger part than they originally said. You wouldn’t be able to move to New York in May, because they want you through at least August.”

Sebastian’s quiet for a moment as he thinks about Kurt’s panic and the resulting days of silence, all of the uncertainty about whether or not Kurt will ever give him the answer he wants. He can’t call Kurt to talk about this, not when he’d requested the distance. This decision is Sebastian’s alone, and he has to work from the knowledge he has. Kurt hasn’t attempted any contact in three days.

“Definitely not a dealbreaker,” Sebastian finally says. “I don’t think it will be a problem at all, actually.”

-

“Finn, I don’t mean to be annoying, but-”

“No, I will not drive any faster,” Finn interrupts Kurt. “Dude, your plane doesn’t take off for another four hours, will you relax?”

Kurt slumps back against the passenger seat. “I can’t miss it.”

“You’re not going to miss it.”

“Good, because I _can’t_. I know driving like a grandma is apparently really important to you, but-”

“The gratitude you’re expressing right now is really touching,” Finn says flatly. “I’m so glad I got up at 3:30 on a Wednesday morning to drive you to the airport so you can fly to California and win back your boyfriend.”

“Sorry,” Kurt replies, face blushing hot with shame. “Thank you for the ride. I’m being awful, I know.” He pauses for a moment. “Do you think I’m doing the right thing?”

Finn sighs. “I think the same thing I thought the last 30 times you asked me this.”

“Sorry,” Kurt says again. He has no argument, because he probably _has_ asked Finn 30 times. He’s asked _everyone,_ including Sebastian’s sister, whether they thought it was a good idea for him to fly to California and surprise Sebastian. Everyone had been pretty supportive of the idea, and there’s no way that Kurt’s not going to get on the plane this time, but he can’t help but wonder whether or not he should inform Sebastian before he arrives. Though the two of them had not been yelling anymore by the end of their conversation on Saturday, the fact that Sebastian hung up on him spoke volumes. “Shit, maybe I should’ve called him.”

“Why don’t you take a nap?” suggests Finn, his tone still not entirely friendly.

“I wouldn’t be able to sleep.” It’s been a rough few days since his last conversation with Sebastian. While his decision about Jamie hadn’t been difficult to make, the decision about how to go about fixing things with Sebastian had taken a lot more time and effort. How could he convince Sebastian that he’s wrong, that all of Kurt’s uncertainties have nothing to do with Sebastian or his son, but Kurt alone? Booking another flight had seemed like the best option. A bold symbolic gesture with a bit of romantic flair to get the point across, to make it clear that this is a future he welcomes and has already dreamed about. Kurt hadn’t even blinked at the cost of yet another last minute flight, but he definitely owes Finn a debt of gratitude for the early morning ride and his offer to fill in for Kurt at the shop so he can stay in California until Sunday.

But he’d known right away that it wouldn’t be enough. Sure, he knows that Jamie isn’t actually the problem, but there still is a problem that Kurt has to fix if this relationship is going to work. The intense dread resulting from his impending move back to New York needs to be dealt with. It’s happening, he’s moving, Sebastian and Jamie are moving, and within two months, Kurt will be back there. He can’t keep avoiding all the responsibilities that come with that. On Monday, he had called Lindsey, the HR woman at his last receptionist job, to follow up on an email he sent inquiring about job openings at the company that he might qualify for. She was excited to tell him about a receptionist in one of the departments who’s starting maternity leave in late May, and had said the job could be his, pending a quick interview with the department head as soon as Kurt moves to New York.

“It’ll be a formality, really,” Lindsey told him. “She’ll just want to make sure you look and act professional, but you’re great, she’ll love you. You picked a really good time to call!”

“Yeah,” Kurt said, trying to sound enthusiastic. “Lucky me.”

Though it’s not a job he’s really interested in doing again, knowing that he has a position waiting for him when he moves does help take the edge off of his fear. He’ll have a job, and savings he can pull from if necessary, and no matter how awful things get, Sebastian will be there, always just a subway ride away. It will be bearable, it will be worth it, and it’s the sort of thing Kurt needs to say in person. He misses talking to Sebastian more than he can describe, and he’s a little worried about Sebastian’s lack of warning, but despite his doubts, he still thinks this is the best way to do things. Hopefully, Sebastian will feel the same.

Kurt sighs and looks out the window, trying to empty his brain enough to sleep a little, but he isn’t successful. “You know the speed limit’s 65 here, right?” he asks Finn as they drive by a sign.

Finn ignores him.

-

Vanessa picks Kurt up from LAX that afternoon in a minivan full of child safety seats in various sizes, only one of which is occupied. He greets Morgan as he climbs into the front seat, but she doesn’t seem to remember him very well, only giving him a mumbled “hi” before turning her attention back to the movie playing on the screens in the back of the van. Vanessa is better company, engaging him in conversation for the entirety of the ride, mostly chatter about the movie she and Ryan saw last week and the parent-teacher conference she has to attend with Theo’s teacher tomorrow. The banality of it helps calm Kurt’s nerves. She doesn’t bring up Sebastian at all until she’s pulled into the driveway of a seemingly unremarkable house.

“This is Sebastian’s house?” he asks.

“Yep,” confirms Vanessa, hitting the button to open the van’s back door so Kurt can retrieve his luggage. “This is your stop.”

In the backseat, Morgan perks up. “Are we going to play with Jamie?”

“Not today, sweetie,” Vanessa tells her. “Just dropping Kurt off. Then we have to go to the grocery store and pick up your brothers at school.”

“Oh.” She turns back to her movie, no longer interested.

“Thanks for the ride,” Kurt says to Vanessa. His nerves are rushing back now that he’s here, so close to Sebastian, but he’s excited, too, knowing that they’re going to see each other in just a few minutes.

Vanessa doesn’t answer, too busy pulling her phone from her purse and typing out a message. “I’m texting him to see if he’s out back,” she explains when she’s done. “He won’t hear the doorbell if he is.”

Kurt frowns. “Won’t you randomly asking where he is in his house make him suspicious?”

“Who cares? You’re gonna see him in two minutes anyway.” Her phone buzzes and the glances down. “Yeah, he’s out back. Don’t bother going to the door, just go back there.”

Kurt glances over at the yard. “There’s a gate.”

“It’s not locked,” she says. “You’re not going to chicken out now, are you?”

“No,” insists Kurt, but he makes no move to exit the vehicle.

“Good.” Vanessa sighs. “Look, Kurt...”

Kurt prompts her when she doesn’t continue. “Yeah?”

“Hold on, I’m trying to decide if I should meddle or not.”

“Well, you kind of already are,” Kurt points out. He can’t help but be intrigued by what she’s considering saying.

“True,” Vanessa says. She thinks for another moment before continuing. “But I think I will stick to low-level meddling, anyway. Just... don’t screw this up, okay? Sebastian really loves you.”

“I don’t want to screw it up. I love him, too.”

“I know. But he...” she trails off, biting her lip as she chooses her next words. “He would do pretty much anything for you. He’ll do things, he really, _really_ doesn’t want to do, if it means that this relationship will work.”

“He’s not alone,” Kurt says. “I would, too.” _I am_ , he wants to add as he looks at the house in front of them, the cozy place that he will never be allowed to call home. It would be so _easy_ here, to come and get lost in the safety of this house and its ready-made family.

Though Vanessa still looks unsure, she gives a quick hug over the console, and after thanking her again and saying goodbye to her and Morgan, Kurt takes his bags and approaches the gate to the backyard. He hears Vanessa pull out of the driveway before he opens it.

It’s Jamie who spots Kurt first. He’s standing on the platform in front of the small slide that’s attached to the swingset. Sebastian’s got his back to the gate as Kurt enters and puts his bags down on the lawn. Sebastian’s texting Vanessa, asking if she’s coming over, when he notices that Jamie’s gone quiet and has his attention focused elsewhere. He wonders if maybe Vanessa is already here, on her way into the backyard with Morgan, but when he turns, it’s Kurt he sees, one hand raised to give Jamie a wave hello. Sebastian almost drops his phone.

With the two of them just staring at him from across the yard, Kurt’s not sure whether or not he’s welcome to approach them or not. He’s too far away to read the expression on Sebastian’s face, but it certainly doesn’t look like a smile. Jamie looks away first, turning his attention from Kurt to the slide in front of him, and the sound of him sliding down to the ground is enough to break the trance Sebastian has been under.

“You’re here,” he says to Kurt. Sebastian knows it’s a ridiculous thing to do, just stating the obvious, but it’s really all he can muster at this point. Kurt is there, in his yard, out of nowhere. Sebastian had not entirely given up hope yet, but he had been expecting a phone call or an email, depending on Kurt’s decision. Sebastian would never have been able to anticipate this. Now that the acute shock has passed, it starts to make sense. Kurt has made his decision, and he’s _here_. “You’re here,” Sebastian repeats.

Kurt’s starting to smile, though he’s still nervous. “I am,” he confirms. “A few days late, but...”

It doesn’t take long for Sebastian to cross the yard and wrap his arms around Kurt, who welcomes the aggressive hug with a joyful laugh. “We have some stuff to talk about, though,” Kurt says after a minute.

“I know,” Sebastian agrees. “We will.” He looks over at Jamie. “But later? All that matters to me right now is that you’re here.”

“Later is fine,” says Kurt with a soft smile. He notices Jamie staring at him, and reluctantly takes a small step back from Sebastian. “Hey, Jamie. Sorry I missed your party.” Jamie doesn’t answer, and Kurt’s a little discouraged by Jamie’s lack of enthusiasm upon seeing him. “I brought your present,” he continues.

This causes Jamie to perk up a bit. “A present?”

Sebastian rolls his eyes. “You’re going to take a present from Kurt, but you didn’t even say hi to him yet?”

“Hi, Kurt,” Jamie says. “Where’s my present?”

“It’s in my bag, I can go get it?”

“You can open it inside,” Sebastian tells Jamie, who immediately sprints toward the deck so he can enter the house through the back door. Sebastian stops him before he gets there. “Hey! What do you have to do before you go inside for the day?”

“Pick up my toys,” Jamie replies sadly, turning around and shuffling back toward the lawn to gather up the toys strewn about the swingset.

“Sorry,” Kurt mumbles, leaning in close against Sebastian again. “Should I have not told him about the present yet?”

Sebastian laughs and wraps an arm around Kurt’s waist. “It’s fine. You worry too much.” He leans down to press a kiss to Kurt’s lips, and Kurt’s grinning when he pulls back. “I’m so glad you’re here,” Sebastian tells him, feeling all of the tension and misery of the last few days melting away.

“Me too,” Kurt replies, pressing up on his toes for one more kiss.

-

Sebastian plans to talk with Kurt as soon as Jamie’s in bed, but it takes them a little while to get to the conversation. It’s not that they’re not talking at all - Kurt’s been murmuring his praise pretty consistently since they started making out on the couch, telling Sebastian how gorgeous he is whenever his mouth isn’t otherwise occupied. Sebastian can’t remember the last time he felt this desirable, and it’s hard to think about stopping just to have a conversation about details that don’t really matter, at least not now, with Kurt here with him, on top of him, grinding down against him, kissing his neck.

“We should maybe move to my bedroom,” Seb manages to get out. “We can lock the door. You have to remind me to unlock it before we go to sleep, though. Jamie comes in sometimes in the morning and he’ll freak out if it’s locked.” Jamie had magnanimously agreed that Kurt could sleep over, and hadn’t seemed disturbed by the idea that their guest would be staying in Sebastian’s bedroom. “And we have to be really quiet,” Sebastian continues. Kurt murmurs his agreement, and then Sebastian’s voice drops to a whisper. “Tomorrow, though, Jamie will be at daycare all morning.”

Kurt bursts into laughter, slumping heavy against Sebastian’s chest.

“What?” Sebastian asks, confused and a little irritated at the interruption. “Shhh, you’re going to wake Jamie up,”

“Sorry,” Kurt gasps out, then pauses to try and calm himself. “It’s just that you said ‘daycare’ in this sexy whisper and-” He dissolves into quieter giggles, unable to finish his sentence, and Sebastian rolls his eyes fondly as he wraps his arms around Kurt’s back.

“Wow, Kurt, way to kill the mood,” he teases.

“Hey, buddy, you’re the one talking about daycare.” Kurt’s looking up at Sebastian, eyes twinkling with delight. “Maybe it’s for the best, though. We do need to talk.”

Sebastian reluctantly agrees, and they move to the kitchen in an attempt to prevent further distractions. Sebastian pours some wine and as soon as he takes the seat across from Kurt at the table, Kurt reaches across to take his hand.

“Jamie’s not a dealbreaker for me,” he tells Sebastian. “I’m sorry I ever made you feel like he was, or might be. I do think we need to be careful, and not rush things with him, and I still think it’s a good idea for us to not live together quite yet, but I have no problem with the fact that he’s part of your life, and is going to be part of mine someday. Well, a bigger part of mine someday. He already is part of my life. I mean, when I think about our future, it’s all three of us, okay?”

“Okay,” Sebastian says, touched by the confession.

“The problem is that my life is a mess. You didn’t really let me explain on Saturday, which I probably deserved, but honestly, it’s not about you, Sebastian, or Jamie. It’s really just about me, as trite as that sounds. My impending move to New York is a big risk, and I’m nervous about it, you know that. I just... panicked. I couldn’t stand the thought that things might change between us. I was scared that if I came here, I’d never want to leave. I’d get even more attached and things would be even worse if it didn’t work out. I know that was stupid.”

“I hate that this scares you so much,” Sebastian says. “Moving back to New York, I mean. You don’t have to if you don’t want to, Kurt. No one would think less of you if you stayed in Lima for a little longer.”

“But _I_ would,” Kurt tells him. “I can’t stay there any longer. It’s less stressful, but it’s draining in a different way. I want to go, really.” It’s the first time he’s said it out loud, and he even sort of believes it in this moment, sitting across from Sebastian in his kitchen, knowing that they’re going to be closer soon. “And I’m feeling better about it now. I have a job lined up, which is a big relief, and hopefully I can find an apartment next month when we’re there for Blaine’s wedding.”

“You have a job?”

“Yeah, Lindsey never got back to my email, so I called her, and it was good timing, I guess, because they have a receptionist who starts her maternity leave in late May. It’s only a temporary position, four or five months, but it’s something to get me started. She said she’ll look for positions that might open up while I’m there, too, and even if not, it’ll give me time to find a job somewhere else.”

“That’s great,” Sebastian says. He’d been planning on taking the New York discussion further, but Kurt’s demeanor has dissuaded him. Kurt doesn’t sound miserable at the prospect of moving, and he said he wants to, so Sebastian knows nothing good can come out of pressing the issue further.

“Yep. So I’ll have a job, and you guys, and soon I’ll have an apartment,” Kurt says. “I have money to fall back on if I need it. It’s going to be fine, I know that. I’m not going to freak out like that again, okay? I just needed time to get it together.”

Sebastian’s smile is a little forced. “That’s... great. I’m glad you’re feeling better about things. I, um... I have some job-related news, too.”

“Oh yeah?” Kurt asks, intrigued. “Did you get the part?”

“I did.”

“That’s amazing!” Kurt exclaims, getting out of his chair so he can reach across the table and give Sebastian a hug, which is awkward with the distance between them. “Congratulations!”

“Thanks.” Sebastian’s smile is more genuine as Kurt sits back down, but it fades when he delivers the rest of the news. “It’s a longer commitment than they originally said, though.”

Kurt’s smile dims a little, too. “Oh? Well... that’s good, right? How much longer?”

“Through August, as of now, with potential for renegotiation then, depending on how things go.”

“Oh,” Kurt says, looking down at his drink.

“I already agreed,” Sebastian admits. “I mean, normally I wouldn’t have without talking to you first, but Tori called yesterday morning, and I hadn’t heard from you and I didn’t know when I would, and-”

“It’s fine,” interrupts Kurt, trying to keep his voice steady. “I would have said you should take it, anyway, if it’s what you wanted.” In an instant, the tenuous grasp on his positive feelings about moving to New York is destroyed. Sebastian’s not going to be there. Kurt’s moving to New York in May, and he will be as alone and hopeless as he’d feared, stuck in a tiny apartment with a temp job and a boyfriend who lives 3,000 miles away.

“It’s just three months longer than we planned,” Sebastian says. “I’m only committed until August, I don’t have to stay even if they ask me to.”

Kurt attempts a smile as he struggles to find a silver lining to the news. “Three months isn’t that long.” If nothing else, it will give Kurt some time after he moves to get his act together and settle in to New York life again. He’ll be able to do this on his own, without taking any of his insecurities out on Sebastian. Maybe by August, he’ll be better prepared.

“It will be hard, I know,” Sebastian says. “But, like you said, we shouldn’t rush things with Jamie, and this gives us a little more time for you guys to get used to each other. And it will give me time to do more in-depth house-hunting, too.” His eyes are pleading with Kurt to say something, agree that this is okay, and it doesn’t change anything they just talked about, and Kurt wants nothing more than to ease his worries.

“Yeah, it’s... it’s a good idea, really,” Kurt says. “It makes sense to take a little more time.”

Sebastian is still troubled, so upset that he’s let Kurt down, no matter how logical the plan might be. “I could get out of it still, probably?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Kurt says, as authoritative as he can muster. He reaches out to grab Sebastian’s hand again, knowing he’ll have to be more convincing to relieve Sebastian’s worries. They can do this, they _will_ do this, it’s just another bump in the road, but after this hellish week, Kurt is unwilling to let this undo the progress they’ve made. “It’s an amazing opportunity, and you’re going to take it, and I’m going to move to New York and find my own amazing opportunity, and-”  
  


“And then in August I’ll join you,” Sebastian finishes. “That’s still the plan.”

“Right.” Kurt gives Sebastian a reassuring smile and continues with a note a finality in his voice. “And until then, we will continue to be the most fabulous long-distance couple in the world.”

Sebastian laughs and squeezes Kurt’s hand.

Without the discussion hanging over their heads anymore, the rest of Kurt’s stay in California is a lot of fun. It’s like a vacation for Kurt, who had only ever visited for a few days when Sam and Mercedes got married, and Sebastian indulges him with a trip to see the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Kurt finally gets to see the house Mercedes and Sam fixed up, too, and Sam presents the finished basement with particular flourish, acting like a realtor until Mercedes tells him to cut it out. It’s a nice place, though, with its own bathroom and a walled off bedroom area, and Kurt can’t deny the appeal of living there, less than half an hour away from Sebastian and Jamie.

Kurt and Sebastian are always with Jamie, unless he’s at daycare. They make good use of that time, too, when they don’t need to keep quiet behind locked doors. The five day break from his life in Lima invigorates Kurt, and by the time he says goodbye to Sebastian and Jamie at the airport on Sunday, he’s certain that he was right - Sebastian and Jamie had little to do with his panic the week before. They make a great family, they will _be_ a great family someday. Kurt’s sad to leave them behind, but excited about the future. They’re going to be living in the same city in five months, and it’s easy to be optimistic here, where it’s bright and warm and Sebastian gives him approximately 12 goodbye kisses, and Jamie gets a little teary that he won’t see his new favorite adult for another three weeks.

Kurt watches Sebastian’s car pull away from the passenger drop-off area, waits until it’s out of sight before passing through the revolving door of the terminal. It’s going to be a long flight, a long few weeks until he sees them again at Blaine’s wedding, a long spring and summer before they’re going to be done with this distance between them, but Kurt’s more determined than ever to make things work in New York.


	7. Chapter 7

It’s a little bit harder for Kurt to be optimistic once he’s in New York for Blaine’s wedding.

Being reunited with Sebastian and Jamie is wonderful, but even with the two of them around, Kurt feels like the city is suffocating him as soon as he steps off the plane at JFK on Thursday afternoon. This is going to be short trip - both Kurt and Sebastian have flights out on Sunday afternoon - but the two full days they have in the city are packed. They’re staying at a hotel suite in Manhattan that Sebastian booked despite Kurt’s weak protests. It’s not that fancy, but Kurt knows it must be expensive. Jamie’s being dropped off at Rob’s apartment on Friday morning, so Kurt and Sebastian will only be alone for two of the three nights anyway. The suite seems like an unnecessary expense.

“Regular hotel rooms don’t have jacuzzis, though,” Sebastian says by way of explanation.

After they drop Jamie off at Rob’s, the plan is for Sebastian to go with Kurt to look at some apartments before Blaine and Brandon’s rehearsal dinner. Saturday is the wedding.

Things don’t go exactly as planned.

The problems start Friday morning, when Jamie throws a tantrum unlike Kurt’s ever experienced. He’s seen Jamie upset before in the time they’ve spent together, seen him cry and whine and not follow directions, but the fit he throws in the hotel suite on Friday morning is on a whole new level. Kurt’s sure that the entire hotel must be able to hear the wailing. Jamie’s trying to articulate words, but Kurt can’t make out much of anything unless Sebastian translates. Apparently, Jamie is very upset about leaving the hotel to go to Rob’s apartment, even though the night before, Jamie wouldn’t stop talking about how excited he was to see his other dad.

“He really likes hotels,” Sebastian explains with an apologetic shrug. Kurt’s surprised at how unperturbed Sebastian is by Jamie’s outburst, remaining calm while he tries to talk Jamie down. Unfortunately, Sebastian’s adult logic is not enough to appease the distressed four-year-old. Jamie doesn’t want to eat, get dressed, leave the room, take a subway, or go to Rob’s apartment, and nothing is changing his mind. He has a plan of his own, told in between hiccups and sobs, that involves Rob coming over to the hotel so they can all play with toy cars together. There is no convincing him that this isn’t feasible, and when Jamie’s crying, foot-stomping, red-faced refusal to get ready to leave has gone on for almost an hour, even Sebastian starts to get frazzled.

“Sorry, this is a really rare thing, him being this upset,” he says to Kurt once they’ve decided that Kurt really needs to get going if he’s going to get all of the apartments he wants to look at in before the dinner tonight. Sebastian’s going to take Jamie over to Rob’s as soon as he can get him ready, and then meet up with Kurt wherever he is. “But he didn’t sleep well, because he was up late with the time change, and-”

“It’s fine. It happens,” Kurt assures him. It’s easier to say now that Jamie’s sobs have mostly died down into whimpers and it seems like the worst has passed. Jamie even agrees to give Kurt a tearful goodbye hug when he’s on his way out, amid many assurances that he will see Kurt again in just a few days.

“I’ll text when I’m done and find out where you are, okay?” Sebastian asks as he scoops Jamie up into his arms. Instead of fighting, Jamie just rests his head on Sebastian’s shoulder and sniffles. It’s a vast improvement. “Maybe we’ll have time to get lunch.”

“Okay.” Kurt maneuvers around Jamie to give Sebastian a peck on the lips. “Bye, guys.”

Kurt’s not that upset about making the first few apartment visits on his own. He’s already applied for a few of the places he’s looking at and sent in all of the relevant documents. Two different landlords have called his references already, so Kurt thinks there’s a small chance he might be able to sign a lease before he leaves the city. He’s not looking forward to Sebastian seeing the types of places that are close to Kurt’s price range. It’s not that he’s expecting Sebastian to be judgmental about it, but Kurt’s going to be embarrassed anyway. This is also a good way to postpone meeting Rob. It’s going to happen eventually, of course, but Kurt’s a bit apprehensive about it, and the added stress of Jamie’s foul mood probably wouldn’t make the experience any more pleasant.

Jamie is still cranky after Kurt leaves, but not unmanageable, and Sebastian doesn’t have much trouble getting him cleaned up, dressed, and out the door. Sebastian isn’t worried that Jamie’s behavior is going to scare Kurt away anymore, not after all the talking they’ve done since Kurt came to LA, but it’s still a relief to know that Jamie has calmed down. When he was two, Jamie had a few rough months where terrible tantrums seemed to happen at least once a week, but those days are long behind them. It’s been a stressful morning.

Dealing with Rob isn’t going to relieve any of the stress. With Kurt out looking at apartments on his own, Sebastian knows it’s probably a good time to talk to his ex about their impending move to New York, and to discuss a more solid custody arrangement. Kurt doesn’t need to be part of those conversations, and Sebastian’s not sure the next time he’ll be in New York to talk about these things in person.

“Sorry we’re late,” Sebastian apologizes as Rob lets them into his apartment. Jamie has been in Sebastian’s arms since they got off the subway, and it’s a long way to carry 37 pounds of not-entirely-cooperative child and said child’s weekend bags. Jamie doesn’t complain when Sebastian offers him to Rob, and once he’s in Rob’s arms he clings to Rob just as tightly as he’d clung to Sebastian.

“Oof,” says Rob after he gives Jamie a kiss on the forehead. “You’re getting heavy, buddy. What have you been eating, rocks?”

“Nooo,” Jamie replies, burying his face in Rob’s neck. He’s trying to hide a smile that Sebastian hasn’t seen since very early that morning.

“Hey, do you still have to use the potty?” Sebastian asks Jamie. He’d mentioned it soon after they had gotten off of the subway.

“Yeah.”

Rob puts him down and Jamie heads off toward the bathroom. Once he’s out of sight, Rob turns to Sebastian. “Rough morning?”

Sebastian groans as he finally sets down the bags full of Jamie’s stuff. “You have _no_ idea. I don’t know what the problem was. He didn’t sleep great, but still. He hasn’t freaked out that badly in years. He seems calmer now, though. He’ll probably nap, and hopefully be fine for the rest of the day.”

“Is it okay if I call around eight so he can talk to you before bed, or is that a bad time?”

“It should be fine. I’m going to be at a rehearsal dinner, but it’s informal, and that will be after the meal is over with, anyway.” They hear the toilet flush, and Sebastian shouts, “wash your hands!” before Jamie can even attempt to leave the bathroom, then turns his attention back to Rob. “Do you have a few minutes to talk before I go?”

“Sure,” Rob replies. “Is this about the boyfriend? I was really hoping I’d get to meet this wonderful guy today.”

“He had stuff he had to do,” Sebastian replies, frowning. There was a marked change in Rob’s tone as soon as he started talking about Sebastian’s boyfriend, and it’s not a good sign for the rest of this conversation. “This is about him, sort of. He lives in New York, and-”

“You said he lives in Ohio.”

“He does at the moment, but it’s temporary. There was... family stuff. He’s coming back to New York next month.”

Rob looks amused. “So he’s moving farther away from you? Sounds like that relationship is going well.”

“Jamie and I are going to be moving here in August,” Sebastian says, trying to ignore the flare of anger Rob’s teasing caused. He just wants to get through this as quickly and painlessly as possible. “I thought I should tell you in person.”

“You’re moving to New York.” Rob doesn’t sound amused anymore.

“Yes. So I was thinking we could talk about making a more detailed custody arrangement. This whole thing where you see Jamie only when you feel like it, and for however long you want doesn’t work very well now, and it’s going to be even worse when we’re living so close.”

Rob narrows his eyes. “I only see Jamie when I feel like it? So what exactly is he doing here right now? Did _I_ plan this visit? Because I’m pretty sure it was you, coming here for a wedding and needing someone to babysit.”

“I don’t think it’s actually called babysitting when it’s your own son,” Sebastian snaps. “And I could have brought Jamie to the wedding. I just figured you’d want to see your son after four months.”

“Oh, of course. This was all done for my benefit, I’m sure. You’re so selfless, Sebastian, really! And changing the custody arrangement is all for my benefit too, right? It doesn’t have anything to do with you needing a place to dump Jamie whenever you want to fuck your boyfriend?”

“God, I was an idiot to think I could discuss this with you rationally.” It’s only because Jamie is in the other room that Sebastian is able to control his rage and keep his voice down, and he’s relieved he did as soon as Jamie re-enters the living room, looking wary. Whether or not they were yelling, the tension in the room is obvious, so Sebastian turns his attention to Jamie and tries to smile as genuinely as he can. “I’m going to get going, okay Jamie?”

Jamie frowns. “You’re going to the hotel.”

“Not right now. I’m going to run some really boring errands with Kurt, and then have dinner with some of his friends. But you get to stay here all weekend with your dad, which is way more exciting. Can I get a hug and a kiss before I go, please?”

There are tears in Jamie’s eyes, but he obliges without complaint, and after a long hug and more cold silence from Rob, Sebastian’s out the door and back onto the streets, still trying to control his anger. He’d expected the conversation with Rob to be unpleasant, but he thought it would actually be a discussion, not just something Rob could dismiss so easily. He can’t believe Rob is mad about Jamie living closer to him. How bad had Sebastian’s judgment been, to tolerate someone like this for seven years, to think Rob would be a good father?

Sebastian’s calmer after the trip to Brooklyn to meet up with Kurt at a subway station near the next apartment Kurt wants to look at, but Kurt still notices that something is wrong immediately.

“What happened?” he asks as they start heading down the street. “Did Jamie start freaking out again?”

“No, he’s fine. A little teary, but he’ll be okay once he has a nap, I think.”

“Oh, good. So... is it a Rob thing?”

“It’s always a Rob thing,” Sebastian says. He gives Kurt a playful smile, trying to keep the mood light. “Never marry a musician.”

Kurt laughs and bumps shoulders with Sebastian. “Shouldn’t be a problem. I’ve kind of got my eye on an actor.” He pauses for a moment before continuing, tone serious this time. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Sebastian sighs. “I told him that I was moving to New York and that we should probably work on our custody arrangement, which we needed to do anyway, and he basically accused me of only wanting to move here so I’d have a place to ‘dump Jamie whenever I wanted to fuck my boyfriend.’”

“Charming,” Kurt says. He’s never sure how much distaste he should show toward Rob, but sometimes the stories Sebastian tells him make Kurt’s blood boil. It’s hard to imagine anyone being so callous toward Sebastian or so dismissive of Jamie.

“Yeah, Rob’s a real delight. I was hoping he might think this was good news, you know? But it doesn’t matter, anyway. We’re not moving to New York for Rob. We’re moving for you.”

It’s the first time Kurt’s heard Sebastian put it so bluntly, and it’s a bit startling. Sebastian is moving to New York for Kurt, who has only a temporary job here and, based on the search so far, no affordable place to live. He has no desire to go on any auditions or try and pursue a career in acting, and he’s miserable at the thought of living here again, but Sebastian and Jamie are moving here for him anyway. Kurt can no longer pretend there’s any other reason.

He feels sick to his stomach for the rest of the afternoon as they tour three other apartments around the city, all more expensive than Kurt was hoping to find. It’s a draining day, even with Sebastian beside him, and by the time they head back to the hotel to get ready for the rehearsal dinner, Kurt’s feeling despondent. He hadn’t even liked any of the apartments, and can’t imagine living in one of them. Not that it matters, because no one had seemed too excited to consider him as a renter, anyway. Just when he’s started to make a mental pro and con list to asking Blaine and Brandon to rent out their closet-sized spare bedroom (pro: their kitchen is always fully stocked with good food, con: they have paper thin walls and a very active sex life), Kurt gets a phone call from the first landlady he’d met with that morning, saying his application was approved and he can come sign a lease before he leaves New York. It’s such a shock that Kurt doesn’t think much about it before agreeing to meet with her the next morning, early enough that he won’t be late for the wedding.

“That sounded like good news?” Sebastian inquires as he comes out of the bathroom, freshly showered.

“Yeah, it was the landlady from the first apartment I looked at today. I’m approved, and I’m going to go sign a lease tomorrow.”

Sebastian grins. “That’s great! You liked it, then? I didn’t see that one.”

Kurt thinks for a moment. He hadn’t liked any of the apartments, and this one in particular hadn’t been appealing at all, but the landlady had been nice enough, and it was one of the cheapest apartments he’d seen. It was a small studio in Brooklyn, but he’d lived in a studio before, so it wouldn’t be hard to get used to. “It’s good enough for what I need,” he finally says. “And the closest to my price range, and it’s available when I need it. I’d be stupid not to take it. And it’s only temporary, I can look again next year.”

Sebastian’s not convinced, but he knows arguing his point won’t do anything but make Kurt upset. Kurt’s probably right, anyway. It would be stupid not to grab this apartment. He needs to be living in New York in time to start his job next month, and this is his best option right now.

“Well, good,” he says. “You’re going back tomorrow morning?”

“Yeah, there should be plenty of time before we have to be at the center.”

“Then this weekend was successful, then.”

“Yep.” Kurt hopes the relief he thought he’d feel upon finding an apartment will kick in tomorrow after he signs the lease, since he’s certainly not feeling it right now. “You done with the bathroom?”

“Yeah,” Sebastian says, stepping out of the way. “It’s all yours.”

-

The rehearsal dinner is being held at the LBGT youth center Brandon runs, which is also where the wedding is going to be held the next day. Blaine had warned Kurt that the dinner, just like the wedding, wasn’t going to be terribly elegant, so Kurt isn’t surprised at the casual environment they walk into. The dinner’s being held in the main room of the center, which is fairly large and sometimes used to put on plays or hold community meetings. Right now, there are some folding tables set up with a catered buffet, and it seems like most of the guests are already there, milling around the food. Kurt spots Brandon, Blaine’s parents, Cooper’s family, Mercedes, Sam, and a few people he doesn’t recognize, who he assumes are members of Brandon’s wedding party and their families.

“You guys made it.” Blaine greets them with a large, somewhat manic grin, then starts talking rapidly. “We’re still waiting on one of Brandon’s sisters, but there’s food set up if you guys want to eat. This is where the reception’s going to be, and if the weather holds up, we’re going to do the actual ceremony outside. We had _so_ many chairs delivered. Seriously, I’ve never seen so many chairs. I think our biggest expense was renting these chairs.”

Kurt and Sebastian, taken aback by Blaine’s speech, are quiet for a minute before Kurt asks, “Is everything okay? You seem... nervous?”

Blaine lets out a high-pitched laugh. “Sorry, it’s been a long day,” he explains. “Lots of issues. We still have all these centerpieces we have to finish because we ran out of time, and they’re not even that complicated, just sort of time-consuming, and-”

“I’m sure we’ll finish them tonight,” Kurt assures him. “There are a bunch of us here.”

“Right, I know.” Blaine takes a deep breath. “God, I’m being so rude.” He gives Kurt a quick hug. “How’d the apartment hunting go?”

“Good,” Kurt replies. “I’m signing a lease tomorrow.”

“That’s great! This city just isn’t as exciting without you.” Blaine turns to Sebastian and holds out a hand. “Thanks for coming, Sebastian. It’s nice to see you again.”

“You, too,” Sebastian replies as they shake hands.

“I do have to say, I never thought you’d be a guest at my wedding.”

Sebastian laughs. “Yeah, I don’t think anyone expected that.”

“Come here, you have to meet my boy- um, my fiancé. God, we’re getting married tomorrow and I never even got used to calling him my fiancé. Anyway, he was obsessed with your show.”

Even after Blaine’s warm welcome, the evening is nerve-wracking for Sebastian. They’re a group of 20, and Sebastian only knows Kurt, Blaine, Sam, and Mercedes. It had been Sebastian’s choice to attend tonight, despite knowing it might be uncomfortable. He hadn’t wanted to give up any of the time he and Kurt had together on this short trip, but he hadn’t even considered anyone beyond Blaine’s reaction to him. Blaine’s parents and brother are there, though, which makes Sebastian apprehensive, even after he’s introduced to them merely as Kurt’s boyfriend and not ‘that guy who almost blinded me junior year.’

Blaine had meant to introduce Sebastian to Brandon, but he seems to have disappeared into another room by the time Sebastian has been introduced to everyone else, and before they can go searching, Cooper calls for Blaine from across the room, and Blaine curses under his breath before excusing himself and telling Kurt and Sebastian to help themselves to food.

“You okay?” Kurt murmurs to Sebastian once they’re sitting down at a table with full plates from the buffet. Sebastian nods, but Kurt isn’t convinced. He runs a comforting hand up and down Sebastian’s back and says, “Hopefully we won’t be here too late. Blaine said tha-”

  
“Hi guys!” Brandon calls, interrupting all of the quieter conversations around the tables. He’s standing up from his seat at another table, which he must have taken while Kurt and Sebastian were getting their food. “If everyone’s got their food, I’d like to say a few words?”

“You had to wait until we had food, really?” complains one of Brandon’s sisters.

Brandon rolls his eyes. “I’m not telling you to stop eating, Ashley,” he says, then addresses the group at large. “You can all keep eating, I just wanted to say thank you for coming. We’re so excited to see everyone here. We’re going to do a quick run-through after dinner, but there’s nothing too crazy happening at the wedding tomorrow. It should be pretty simple. After that, you guys can leave if you want, I know some of you traveled today and are probably pretty tired. But if you want to stay behind and help us finish up these centerpieces, we definitely would not object.”

“And they were the idea of a group of 11-year-olds who wanted to help us with the wedding, so no one’s allowed to call them tacky, ” Blaine adds from his seat. “That means you, Kurt.”

“I would never,” replies Kurt, mock offended. Next to him, Sebastian is trying hard not to laugh. Kurt had, of course, whispered a judgmental remark to Sebastian upon seeing the table covered in finished centerpieces. They were small fish bowls filled with marbles and small candles, and it makes Kurt feel a lot better to know that the idea came from children.

“Speaking of Kurt, though,” Brandon continues, “I’m not sure if everyone knows, but he’s the one who came up with the idea to have the wedding here at the center. We hadn’t considered it, but it’s been really amazing, and we’re so excited to be able to have the wedding at a place that means so much to us, and to a lot of the kids who will be coming tomorrow. So thank you Kurt, for all your help, it means a lot.”

Kurt’s face is starting to heat up when Sam lets out a loud cheer from across the table, making everyone laugh and effectively ending Brandon’s speech.

“Okay, I’m done, sorry. This food is by my friend Julia’s catering company, by the way! Make sure you tell her how amazing it is!”

“I thought you said you didn’t get along with that guy,” Sebastian murmurs to Kurt as they start eating.

“I think he’s been drinking,” is all Kurt can say, and Sebastian laughs.

It’s even clearer that Brandon’s been drinking after they run through the rehearsal and Kurt returns from a trip to the restroom to find Brandon talking animatedly with Sebastian about how tragic the cancellation of _Desire Street_ is.

“You made a very convincing villain during that whole Miranda thing,” Brandon is saying as Kurt approaches them. “But I knew Adrian secretly had a heart of gold the whole time. Oh, hey, Kurt!” Brandon pulls Kurt into a hug. “It’s been so long since I’ve seen you!” he adds, releasing a surprised Kurt from his embrace. In four years of knowing each other, he and Brandon have never hugged. Kurt’s not sure they’ve even touched, beyond a handshake at their first meeting. “You’re coming back soon, right?”

“Yeah, I should be back next month,” Kurt tells him.

“That’s great! I have friends who just got engaged and they’re looking for a wedding planner. I know you used to do that, I was thinking I’d give them your number? You’ve been so helpful with this, I think you’d be really good for them.”

“Oh,” Kurt says, startled. “I... used to work for a wedding planner, but I didn’t really do it on my own.”

Brandon waves his arm dismissively. “Oh, they won’t care. You certainly _could_ do it for a living, anyway. They’ll love you. Let me know if you’re interested, okay?” He walks away with a wave, his mother beckoning him on the other side of the room.

“Yeah, that guy really hates you,” Sebastian says, bumping Kurt’s shoulder. “I could really feel the waves of distaste radiating off of him. How do you _stand_ it, Kurt?”

“Oh, shut up,” Kurt replies. “It’s like I said - alcohol.” He doesn’t want to admit it, but Brandon’s praise and offer to recommend him as a wedding planner had really touched him.

“Alcohol, delusions of persecution, same thing,” teases Sebastian. His phone starts vibrating then, and he glances down at the display. “All right, time for my fatherly bedtime duties. I’m gonna run outside to take this, but I’ll be back to create some not-at-all tacky fish bowl centerpiece things with you in a few minutes.”

-

Because neither Blaine nor Brandon had opted to have a bachelor party, instead choosing to spend the night before their wedding together, Kurt and Sebastian are back at their hotel by 11. It’s been a good night. They had fun, everyone was kind to Sebastian, and they’re still a little buzzed from the wine, but there’s a malaise hanging over them. It’s not their last night alone at the hotel, but it feels like they’re hovering on a precipice. The move to New York has been planned for months, but tomorrow when Kurt signs that lease, it’s going to become official. It’s supposed to be a good thing, one step closer to them living in the same city, but it feels like they’re just going to be farther apart. They _are_ going to be farther apart, at least for three months.

It’s not something they discuss that night, though. They use it for watching the episode of _Godfrey Pride_ they’d missed earlier that week on Sebastian’s laptop, snuggled against each other on the sofa, complaining about Tim and Camden’s lack of communication. The jacuzzi is next, and they spend a little longer than they should soaking up the warm water and sharing lazy kisses before crawling into bed and making good use of Jamie’s absence.

The morning dawns with the same sense of foreboding, and Kurt tries to delay the inevitable. He wants stay here with Sebastian, keep Sebastian inside of him as long as possible, but they have to move eventually.

“We’re going to be late if we don’t get up now,” Sebastian murmurs in Kurt’s ear, and Kurt knows, but was hoping that if neither of them mentioned it, they could pretend it had been forgotten. Later, they could remember, say, “oh, weren’t we supposed to be somewhere this morning?”, but it would be too late, and they would need to come up with a new plan.

They’re only running about five minutes late when they finally leave the hotel, though, and they’re within sight of their subway entrance when Sebastian’s phone rings.

“It’s Rob,” he says, frowning. “Let me just see what he wants.”

It’s not a long conversation, but Kurt can tell Rob’s not sharing good news. Sebastian’s face pales as soon as he answers the phone, and he asks a few questions about Rob’s whereabouts before saying, “I’ll be right there,” and ending the call.

“What’s wrong?” Kurt asked. “Did something happen to Jamie?”

Sebastian nods. “It’s not serious. Or, he says it’s not serious. I guess Jamie got a hold of broken glass somehow and cut his leg and there’s a lot of blood, so Rob thinks he might need stitches. They’re on their way to the ER now.” He’s trying to sound calm, but he’s terrified. Jamie’s never had to be taken to the hospital before. The most serious injuries he’s had are scraped elbows and knees. Sebastian can’t even imagine what “a lot of blood” would look like coming out of Jamie, but it’s a scary thought.

Kurt squeezes Sebastian’s shoulder. “Okay, well... we can just take a cab to wherever they are, then?” he suggests.

“No, you should go to Brooklyn,” Sebastian tells him. “It’s not serious, just a few stitches, but you’re supposed to meet the landlady, and-”

“That’s not important,” Kurt interrupts. “Jamie’s in the hospital and-”

“He’s not _in_ the hospital, he’s just going to the emergency room to see if he needs stitches,” Sebastian says, hoping to calm himself more than Kurt. “You should go sign the lease, okay? You don’t want to miss out on the apartment. And I can just meet you at the center? It’ll take a few hours, probably, but I’m sure I won’t miss the wedding. You need to be there earlier than I do, anyway.”

“I really don’t mind going with you,” Kurt tries one last time. He’d offer to come no matter the situation, but the fact that he wants to push for this extra hard because it would be an excuse to not sign the lease makes him feel a bit guilty. “Are you sure you’re going to be all right?”

“I’m going to be fine,” Sebastian assures him, then presses a firm kiss to Kurt’s lips. “I’ll keep you updated, okay? You better go, I’m gonna grab a cab.”

“Okay,’ Kurt says. “You’ll text me?”  
  


“Definitely,” Sebastian calls as he heads over the edge of the sidewalk to hail a cab. “As soon as I know anything.”

-

When Sebastian arrives at the hospital, he sees Jamie sitting in a chair in the ER waiting room playing with Rob’s tablet. One of his legs is wrapped with a large towel and elevated against the armrest, and his face is tearstained, but he seems fine otherwise, and Sebastian’s relief is immeasurable. The cab ride here had been spent worrying that his son might have suffered some terrible injury and Rob hadn’t wanted to discuss it over the phone.

“What happened?” Sebastian asks Rob, who’s sitting next to Jamie and filling out paperwork.

“Hi, daddy,” Jamie says, not quite as enthusiastic as he normally is.

“Hi. What happened, buddy?”  
  


Jamie frowns. “I broke the picture.”

“You broke a picture?” Sebastian hadn’t been aware that he needed to warn Rob to keep a young child away from glass. “What was he doing near glass picture frames?” he asks, addressing Rob.

Rob finally looks up from the forms, and Sebastian’s surprised by how exhausted he looks.. “I wasn’t letting him use one as a toy. One fell off the wall and broke, and he ran over there before I could stop him.”

“I didn’t mean it,” Jamie says, sounding like he might cry.

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Rob tells him, then shoots Sebastian a glare as he says, “No one’s mad, okay? It was an accident.”

“Yeah, it was not your fault at all,” Sebastian adds, knowing that it was his tone in questioning Rob that unnerved Jamie. “Does it hurt a lot?”

Jamie nods solemnly. “I got blood _everywhere_.”

“Did the bleeding stop?” Sebastian asks Rob.

“I think so. It had really slowed down by the time we got here. The nurse looked at it really quick and said it probably needs three or four stitches.” When Rob stands up to take the completed forms up to the reception desk, Sebastian notices that his shirt is bloodstained. It sends a shiver down his spine, knowing that all that blood belongs to his son.

“You’re being very brave,” he tells Jamie as he takes a seat next to him. He only hopes that Jamie will still be this calm when he finds out what getting stitches actually entails.

Rob returns a moment later and takes the seat on the other side of Jamie again. “She said it should only be a few more minutes,” he says. “You don’t have to stay, if you don’t want to. I called because I wasn’t sure if you’d-”

“I’m going to stay,” Sebastian interrupts, digging into his pocket to retrieve his phone and text Kurt an update. “I have plenty of time.”

-

Kurt keeps one hand on his phone throughout his subway ride, even though he knows it’s unlikely he’ll receive anything Sebastian sends until after the train comes up above ground in Brooklyn. He can’t help but be worried, even though it hadn’t seemed serious. Just a few stitches, which happens to every kid. Jamie will be fine. Sebastian had looked so worried, though, despite his best attempts to act like nothing was wrong. Kurt wishes he had gone with Sebastian, even though Sebastian’s reasons why he shouldn’t were all logical.

They seemed logical, at least, but it doesn’t help Kurt feel better about the fact that he is on this train on his way to sign a paper that will keep him in New York, when Sebastian has already signed a paper keeping him in Los Angeles. That’s not logical, not to Kurt, not anymore. After hearing Sebastian’s admission yesterday that he’s moving to New York for Kurt and not for Rob, it’s been weighing on Kurt’s mind. Sebastian doesn’t want to move, not really, and Kurt hadn’t let himself believe that until last night. Sebastian is moving to New York so he can be closer to Kurt while Kurt pursues his dream of acting. There is no other reason.

Acting isn’t Kurt’s dream anymore. It hasn’t been for a while, but that hasn’t been too easy to accept, either. Sebastian was right when he’d said trying to be an actor was making Kurt miserable. He’d be perfectly happy never going on another audition, but if he’s in New York again, he’ll torture himself, always seeking out open calls. If there is a new path for him, he knows he’ll be unlikely to find it in New York.

Brandon’s comment about Kurt’s skill with wedding planning hasn’t left his mind, either. It’s always been his back-up plan. If he’s ready to admit that he’s done with acting, maybe it’s time to finally pursue wedding planning. He doesn’t need to do it in New York. Making Sebastian give up his house and a potentially good job to move out here doesn’t make any sense, not if Kurt’s not actively seeking out theater roles.

He’s been thinking about Los Angeles a lot ever since he’d visited Sebastian and Jamie there. Moving there isn’t going to fix all of his problems, he knows that. But as reluctant as he’s been to admit it, being unsure of how Sebastian would react to the idea of Kurt moving out there instead of the two of them starting over together, LA is a lot more appealing right now. Kurt could move there next month, as soon as Finn’s back to work full time, and they wouldn’t have to suffer through that extra three months with most of the country between them. Kurt has a place to stay that is both nicer and less expensive than the dump he’s about to sign a lease for, and he’d be living with friends that he loves. If Sebastian’s still concerned about Kurt taking more time to get used to Jamie, it makes much more sense for Kurt to do this in the same city, not from across the country. He’s not going to get used to the kid if he never sees him. Kurt may have a job lined up in New York, but it’s only temporary, and he won’t be much better off than he would be going off to Los Angeles with no job at all. Maybe it will give him the kick he needs to actually do something with the money he’s set aside for the wedding planning business. There’s a good chance that if he tries, he’ll fail, but he can fail anywhere. Why not where his boyfriend is already happily settled, far away from Kurt’s dreary memories of New York? He’s been so concerned about taking risks and never settling, but it’s becoming obvious to him that moving back to New York isn’t a risk. It’s resignation to a fate of failure and unhappiness, and it’s not what he wants, no matter how he looks at it.

The answer that’s been evading him seems so clear to Kurt in that moment. He’s not going to sign the lease. He’s not going to move New York.

Any doubts he may have had about the decision are quickly drowned in the relief that floods him. The burden hanging over him for nearly a year has disappeared, and even though he’s in a cramped subway car next to a woman who smells like ham, he feels like the vise clamped on his chest has been loosened and he can finally breathe again. He doesn’t feel cowardly like he thought he would after making the decision to give up on acting and New York. This feels nothing like the shame he felt last month, sitting alone in his bedroom while the plane he was supposed to be on was taking off for LA. This feels empowering and brave and _right_. Sebastian will understand. He’ll have to, once Kurt explains. And if he doesn’t...

Kurt sighs and looks out the window. The train is above ground now, and the sun is shining through the window. It’ll be a nice day for the wedding, if they’re still planning on holding the ceremony outside. The wedding is going to be beautiful and fun. Kurt will probably shed a few tears that Sebastian will tease him for, and then they’ll talk, and if Sebastian doesn’t think Kurt moving to Los Angeles is a good idea, that just means they need to talk things over more. Kurt doesn’t need permission. He can move to LA whether he’s dating Sebastian or not. He can move _anywhere._ He can do whatever he wants, and he’s not even 100% sure what that entails yet, but it’s such a liberating thought after spending so long chained to the idea of moving back to New York.

His thoughts are interrupted by his phone vibrating, and he quickly looks down to check the message. It’s from Sebastian, saying that Jamie’s cut isn’t anything to panic about, he’s just going to get a few stitches and then go back to Rob’s. Kurt breathes a sigh of relief and taps out a quick reply.

_Kurt to Sebastian: That’s great! Is he freaking out?_

_Sebastian to Kurt: He’s okay. He hasn’t actually had the stitches yet, though. We’ll see how it goes._

_Kurt to Sebastian: Well, tell him I hope he feels better!_

_Sebastian to Kurt: I will. I’m gonna go, but I’ll keep you updated. I shouldn’t be late._

_Kurt to Sebastian: Okay. Hope everything goes well!_

Kurt gets off at the next station. It’s not his stop, but he’s not going to sign the lease, anyway, and he needs to get on a different train to get to the center and meet up with the rest of the wedding party. He has phone calls to make, and he doesn’t want to make them with the rest of the subway car staring at him. He calls Sam first.

“Hey, Kurt! Are you guys on your way?”

“I am, yeah. Sebastian’s son hurt himself and had to go to the ER and get some stitches, so he probably won’t be around too much before the ceremony.”

“Oh, that sucks. Is Jamie okay?”

“It seems like he’s fine, yeah. I had a question I wanted to ask you.”

“Okay.”

“You and Mercedes are serious about wanting someone to live in your basement, right?”

“You’re moving to LA!” Sam exclaims. “Oh, I knew you’d come around eventually.”

Kurt grins. “Nothing’s certain yet, I haven’t even talked to Sebastian. But I’m supposed to sign that lease, and I really don’t want to.”

“So don’t do it,” Sam says. “You have a place to stay. It’s all ready, dude.”

“Thank you.” Kurt’s so happy right now that it’s hard to keep from laughing in pure delight. “I, um... I should go, I have to call the landlady and tell her I’m not going to show up. I’ll be there in half an hour, though. Is Blaine freaking out yet?”

“Nah, he’s good. For now, at least.”

“Okay. Tell him I’ll be there soon?”

“Definitely. See you in a little while!”

-

Though it’s only been about three hours since Rob’s phone call, Sebastian’s completely drained by the time the three of them reach Rob’s apartment. He’s not the only one - Jamie fell asleep on the subway, forcing Rob to carry him back to the apartment. Sebastian could tell that Jamie had mostly woken up and was faking sleep for the last block, but he didn’t mention it to Rob. Though the doctor had said Jamie should have no trouble walking, his leg probably hurt. Rob deserved the annoyance of carrying a clingy four-year-old, anyway. Sebastian doesn’t want to do him any favors after the argument they had as they left the hospital. Rob was about to get a cab when Sebastian asked where the booster seat was, and Rob hadn’t brought one, even though they’d taken a cab to get there in the first place. The argument had been brief but loud, with Rob citing New York City cab laws and Sebastian citing common sense and parental concern. Sebastian forced them to take the subway back, and the two of them haven’t spoken since.

The fight wasn’t the only emotionally exhausting experience of the day, though. It had only intensified the strain Sebastian was already feeling. Even before Jamie had gotten hurt, the morning had been difficult. Kurt had seemed so distant and sad this morning before they left the hotel, despite his efforts to mask it. The initial panic from Ron’s phone call and the awful feeling when he watched Jamie sob while getting stitched up would have been hard to deal with even on Sebastian’s best day, and today it had felt nearly impossible. When Jamie had been crying and squeezing one of his hands for comfort, Sebastian couldn’t help but wish there was someone there to offer him comfort, too, someone to hold _his_ hand while he held Jamie’s. How could he have let Kurt go, turned down his offer to come with him, sent him off to sign a lease that guarantees a 3,000 mile distance between them for at least a few more months? He’d chastised himself for thinking that way at first. It was selfish, not wanting Kurt to move here. It would be, at least, if he thought Kurt wanted to move here. Back in January, Sebastian had felt so confident about moving to New York. He’d known he’d be giving up things, but it seemed worth it. It doesn’t anymore, not with Kurt so resigned to moving here and going back to the life that he’d grown to hate. Sebastian’s tried so hard not to sway him in any way, not to make him think this relationship is dependent on where they live, but maybe Kurt was right last month when he said that New York will change him, will change _them,_ be the death knell for this relationship, just like LA was for Sebastian and Rob. Sebastian’s been so focused on how pushing for a move to LA could ruin yet another one of his relationships that he hasn’t spent much time thinking about what the move to New York could do to them. He’s not sure how he’s supposed to know which choice is the right one. Is there even a right choice? Kurt had recently confessed to still sort of believing in soulmates, and Sebastian thinks he might, too, since this relationship has started. Soulmates shouldn’t have this problem, though, this crushing doubt about what should be an easy decision.

It’s pointless to think about this now, anyway. Kurt signed the lease a few hours ago - the decision has already been made, and all they can do now is do everything they can to make it work.

Once they’re back at Rob’s apartment, Jamie surprises both of them by agreeing to continue his nap in his bedroom, and he falls asleep shortly after Sebastian says goodbye and that he’ll see Jamie tomorrow.

“You shouldn’t let him sleep too long,” Sebastian warns Rob when they’re back in the living room. “He’ll be up all night.”

“I’ll wake him up in a little while. You can get going, I know you have places to be.” Rob heads over to the mess of broken glass that he hadn’t had a chance to clean up earlier, and frowns at the blood staining the carpet. “That’s grotesque.”

“It’ll probably come out,” Sebastian offers. He’s quiet for a moment before glancing at Jamie’s closed bedroom door. “Maybe I should stay.”

Rob turns to Sebastian, eyebrow raised. “What, and hang out with me all night? He’s fine, Seb. You should go.” He sighs. “I probably shouldn’t have even called you in the first place, it’s just... still my first reaction, when something goes wrong.”

“Well, if it involves Jamie, that’s a good thing to do.”

Rob huffs out a laugh. “Yeah, good thing you weren’t in LA, though. You probably would have been on a plane before I could call you back and tell you it wasn’t that serious.”

“Probably,” Sebastian says. “Soon that won’t really be an issue, though. I’ll always be fairly close by.”

“Right.” Rob turns back to the mess, grabbing the broom and dustpan he must have set out this morning before he’d realized how bad Jamie’s cut was. It seems like he’s about to start sweeping up the glass, but he reconsiders and turns back to Sebastian instead. “Can I ask you something without you jumping down my throat?”

“That depends on how offensive it is.”

“Why are you moving to New York?”

Sebastian avoids Rob’s eyes. “You know why.”

“For your boyfriend, right. I just don’t think that’s a very good reason, when you have a job and a house-”

“My job ends in August.”

“You said it _might_ end in August.”

“Well, I’m moving, so either way, it’s going to end in August.”

“So you’re saying you wouldn’t stay there if they wanted to keep you around?”

  
Sebastian doesn’t answer. He’s only been working on the show for two weeks now, but he can’t deny that he loves it. The first few days had been rough, getting used to an all new cast after spending so long with all of the same people, but he likes the environment at the new place. People have been friendly and welcoming, and he’s already had one play date with his co-star Samantha and her daughter, who’s about Jamie’s age. Without Kurt in the picture, he wouldn’t think twice about staying at this job if it was offered to him.

Rob takes Sebastian’s silence as an answer. “It doesn’t make any sense that you’d move here. You were so adamant about getting the hell out of here five years ago.”

“Well, that was five years ago,” Sebastian snaps. “Things are different now.”

“Why, because it’s a different guy? You were so intent on moving to LA that-”

“Why do you think I’m doing this?” Sebastian interrupts. He doesn’t want to talk about this, especially not today, when he’s already so close to breaking down. “I know I fucked things up with you by pushing you to move. I can’t fix that, but I’m not going to make the same mistake again.” He pauses for a moment, taking a breath to steady himself and trying to ignore the tears pricking his eyes. “I’m just... trying to compromise. That’s all. It’s not a bad thing. And you don’t know anything about the situation, so-”

“I know that compromise doesn’t mean one person gets everything they want,” Rob replies, his voice softer. The fact that Sebastian is such a mess he’s invoking pity from his ex-husband just makes Sebastian more upset. “If one of you is miserable, you’re both going to be miserable. You’re just switching the roles. It won’t change anything.”

“It’s not even that simple,” Sebastian says. “He’s not... coercing me or anything. He’s not even that excited to move here.”

“Then why is he doing it? Why are you going along with it?”

Sebastian doesn’t reply. Though he can tell that Rob’s intentions are good, Sebastian doesn’t feel comfortable sharing all of the details about his current relationship with his ex. He isn’t entirely sure he could answer either of Rob’s questions, anyway

“You should talk about it with him,” Rob continues. “If you’re unhappy, then-”

“I really don’t want relationship advice from you, Rob.” Sebastian means for it to sound decisive, to end the conversation, but his tears have started to fall and Rob’s clearly not buying it.

“If it makes you feel any better, I don’t really want to give it to you,” he says. “But it seems like someone has to.”

“I don’t know why you care so much about this. Is it that important for you to ruin my relationship and keep Jamie and I out of New York?”

Rob sighs. “I don’t want to keep you guys out of New York. I was being an asshole yesterday because you deciding to move here with some other guy after what happened with us... well, hearing that felt pretty shitty.”

Sebastian, while being fully aware of the ways his failures in marriage were influencing his current behavior with Kurt, had never considered how this might look to Rob. “I didn’t think of it that way, honestly.”

“I know. Look, if you end up living here, that’s fine. We’ll work on a custody arrangement. We should do that anyway, you’re right.”

“I’m not trying to pawn Jamie off on you,” Sebastian says. “You didn’t really give me a chance to explain yesterday. I just think we need to have something in writing, especially about holidays, so we don’t have to fight about this stuff every year.”

“That makes sense.” Rob pauses for a moment before continuing. “I’m not trying to ruin your relationship, you know. I like Kurt.”

“You haven’t even met him.”

“No, but he’s made you far more tolerable.”

Sebastian huffs out a laugh as he wipes at his eyes. “Well, your support is appreciated.”

“I’m serious, you know. You’ve been different. Happier. Which is why I knew something was wrong, because this weekend you’ve been a mess. I’m not telling you to dump him, I just think it wouldn’t hurt to talk about how you feel, especially since apparently neither of you want to move here.”

“It wouldn’t matter,” Sebastian says, a hint of desperation in his voice. “Kurt signed a lease this morning.”

“But _you_ didn’t,” Rob points out. Before Sebastian knows what’s happening, Rob has closed the distance between them and is pulling Sebastian into a hug. It’s not unfamiliar, even after all the years that have passed. Back when they were together, Rob’s embraces had been such a source of comfort for Sebastian. It’s still comforting now, and Sebastian doesn’t pull away. After today, he’ll take whatever comfort he can get.

“Just think about it, okay?” Rob asks when he releases Sebastian. “It’s not like it was just you that fucked up our marriage. I went along with things I never should have, and by the time I spoke up about it, I was so bitter and resentful that it was too late to fix anything.”

It’s the first time Sebastian’s heard Rob admit any fault in the dissolution of their marriage. In fact, today’s the first time Sebastian has discussed his own culpability with Rob, too. He wonders if this honesty will change their relationship going forward. It’s hard for Sebastian to imagine a world where he doesn’t dread all contact with his ex-husband, but maybe it is possible.

For now, though, Sebastian needs to leave. This day has left him feeling strange and out of sorts, and he’s not sure how much longer he can handle Rob’s reluctant civility and pity. He’s suddenly very aware of the fact that he’s spent the last few minutes crying in front of his ex-husband, and now that he’s started to pull himself together, the situation feels awkward.

“I have to get going,” he says, hoping Rob won’t argue. “I mean... thanks, for this, but I have to go get dressed and get to Brooklyn, so...”

“Yeah, of course. I have blood and glass to clean up, so it’ll be a pretty exciting day here, too.”

Sebastian frowns at the mess. “Do you want help?”

Rob rolls his eyes. “I can handle it. Go.”

“Call me if Jamie needs anything. I’ll keep my phone on.”

“Do not keep your phone on during the ceremony.” Rob’s voice is stern. “Jamie’s fine.”

“Okay. But the ceremony will be over by the time he goes to bed, so you can call.”

“All right. And it’s still 8:30 for tomorrow?”

“Yeah, we have to meet my grandparents for breakfast before we leave for the airport,” Sebastian says. In their new spirit of civility, he adds, “Sorry it’s so early.”

Rob chuckles. “It’s fine, he’d be up by then anyway.”

Sebastian leaves the apartment, still feeling awkward and ashamed about his outburst. He did get something out of it, though. Rob’s right, even though he doesn’t understand the whole situation. Whether or not Kurt moves to New York next month, Sebastian and Kurt need to talk about this, push past the fear that’s been keeping both of them distant, and figure out why their plans don’t seem to be making either of them as happy as they should. If Sebastian is serious about not repeating the same mistakes from his previous relationship, then both of them need to be more honest with themselves and each other about what they really want.

If only they had had this talk yesterday, maybe Kurt wouldn’t have signed that lease today.

A quick look at his phone tells him he’s cutting it close if he wants to get back to the hotel and shower and change before going to the wedding, but it should be possible if nothing goes wrong. Before reaching the subway station, he sends Kurt a text to update him on the situation and assure him he won’t be late for the wedding.

-

As soon as he arrives at the center, Sebastian notices the change in Kurt. Kurt’s outside, helping to seat people, and his face is warm and open when he spots Sebastian. He immediately pulls Sebastian into a hug, saying he’s so glad that Jamie’s okay. Sebastian is still wrecked from the day’s events, but it’s hard not to mirror Kurt’s wide grin. He knows that Kurt’s good mood isn’t only relief about Jamie’s well-being, because Kurt’s been withdrawn since they arrived in New York. Seeing him so vibrant is enough to lift Sebastian’s spirits a bit. He hasn’t seen Kurt’s eyes sparkle like this since they were in LA together last month.

“And you made it just in time!” Kurt says as he releases Sebastian.

“Sorry it took me so long.”

“Don’t be! Everyone would have understood if you didn’t make it all. I’m glad you’re here, though. You look amazing, too.”

Kurt's infectious grin still has Sebastian smiling back. “So do you. And you’re in a really good mood.”

“I am,” Kurt confirms. “I’m excited. And it’s been a good day. Um, Jamie going to the ER aside, I guess.”

“Did something happen while I was gone?” Sebastian asks. His mind immediately goes to the lease. Was there a chance Kurt hadn’t signed it?

“Kind of? I don’t really have time to explain right now, but we’ll talk later.”

“Okay.” Sebastian swallows, almost afraid to ask his next question and crush the hope that’s blooming inside of him. “Is it, uh, about the apartment?”

“Yeah. But we’ll talk about it later, okay?” Kurt pulls Sebastian closer and gives his lips a peck. “Right now I should probably show you to your seat. By my parents is okay, I hope?”

“That’s fine,” Sebastian says as Kurt leads him towards the area where the ceremony is being held. The center has a fairly large amount of lawn space, but it still looks cramped with the 60 or so white folding chairs that have been set up. “Did Finn and his family get here okay this morning?”

“Yeah, they’re sitting by my parents, too. I don’t know if you’ll know anyone else except who you met last night, but I’ll be sitting with you at the reception, so it should be okay.”

“I’ll be fine,” Sebastian tells him. He knows there’s no time to discuss anything right now. He can see the row with Kurt’s family, and he needs to sit down, but it’s hard not to just ask Kurt whether or not he signed the lease. Maybe he did sign it, and he’s happy because on second look, the apartment was much better than he thought. Or maybe signing the lease had been such a weight off of his shoulders that he really is happy that he did it. And if Kurt’s happy, Sebastian can be happy, whether they’re in New York or not. He’d like to think so, at least. Either way, they’re going to talk later, because Sebastian has things to say, too. For now, he wants to take Kurt’s happiness as a good sign. “I’ll see you in a little while, then? We have lots to talk about.”

Kurt gives him another smile. “We do. Enjoy the wedding! And don’t tease me too much if I tear up a little. They wrote their own vows, so I don’t have much hope.”

Sebastian laughs. “I’ll try my best, but I can’t make any promises.”

-

Kurt does cry at the ceremony, but it’s hard for Sebastian to judge him too much. Brandon and Blaine do have beautiful things to say, and Burt and Carole are clasping hands next to him, both a little teary. Sebastian’s never cried at a wedding before, and this doesn’t change that, but he is moved by their words of love and devotion for one another. No one had cried at his wedding. It had been a fun day, everyone had been in a good mood, and Sebastian and Rob were both excited at the prospect of starting their lives together, but there weren’t any tear-jerking moments. Sebastian wonders if a wedding between himself and Kurt would have a different feel.

It’s strange to Sebastian, watching Kurt stand up there beside the man he spent three years of his life dating. At this point, Sebastian couldn’t even fathom attending any wedding of Rob’s. He had let Rob hug him today, though, so maybe their future is brighter than he thought.

The ceremony is short and simple, without readings or songs, and within 20 minutes, most of the guests are heading inside while the wedding photos are done. Sebastian thinks about sticking with Mercedes until Kurt comes inside, since she’s been nice to him the few times they’ve met, but she’s with a group of people from Blaine’s side of the aisle already, a few of whom Sebastian thinks he recognizes from Kurt’s high school glee club. If he’s going to be reintroduced to them, he wants Kurt to do the honors, not Mercedes. He’s pretty sure Kurt will paint him in a much better light.

He sticks with Kurt’s family, talking with Kristen about Jamie’s injury, and it’s not long before both the wedding party and the guests only invited to the reception start trickling in. The ceremony had been for family and close friends, despite the couple’s original plans to make an open invitation to everyone who used the center’s facilities. In the end, not knowing who would show up and how many chairs they would need for the ceremony outside was too stressful, and Blaine and Brandon had decided to make the reception open invitation, instead, since there was plenty of room for people to be inside the building and outside of it, and the meal is being served buffet style, like the night before. It’s very different from any wedding Sebastian’s ever been to. His family is usually pretty laid back, but weddings are a big deal, always large, lavish, fairly conservative affairs. It’s strange to see Blaine and Brandon, in their perfectly tailored tuxedos, greeting casually dressed teenagers and young families with warm embraces and bright smiles.

Once things have settled down a bit, Blaine and Brandon have their first dance, then open the dance floor to everyone. It’s quickly flooded with a people, and Kurt finds Sebastian sitting at a table and joins him.

“I would ask you to dance, but it’s a little crowded up there,” Kurt says with a grin.

“Maybe later.”

“Yeah, once the food is served and people start going outside, there should be a little more space.”

They don’t have very long together before others give up on the dance floor, too, and their table is soon full of people Kurt knows. Sebastian is introduced to dozens of people as the food is served. Blaine and Brandon make a toast as people start eating, thanking everyone for coming and talking about how important the center is to them, and Kurt finally does drag Sebastian off to dance a little bit once they’re done eating. The songs are mostly upbeat, so they don’t have a chance to talk much until Kurt leads Sebastian outside, unable to wait any longer to share his news.

“We still have about half an hour ‘til they cut the cake,” Kurt explains as they approach the yard where the ceremony took place. “I figured we could talk now.” His voice is higher than normal, the result of the nervous excitement he’s been feeling since he made his decision. He’s sure Sebastian will be supportive, especially once Kurt lays out all of the reasons this is good for both of them. Sebastian’s always been supportive, and this conversation shouldn’t go poorly, but it still takes a little courage to tell the person he loves that he wants to change all of their plans at the last minute.

“I saw the cake,” Sebastian says. “It looks good.” He’s nervous, too, intrigued by Kurt’s elevated mood but still a bit worried that Kurt’s news might be somehow damaging to their relationship. Sebastian’s ready to hear it, though, to get everything out in the open. It’s been on his mind for hours now, and waiting until they got back to the hotel tonight would have been difficult.

“It does look good. I can’t vouch for the taste, though. They didn’t take my bakery advice.”

“You told me that on our first date,” Sebastian says with a small smile. It feels like everything’s on the line right now, like everything might change, and he’s desperate to hold on to the fond memories of their first meeting.

“At the diner? That wasn’t-”

“Wasn’t a date, I know,” Sebastian says, bumping shoulders with Kurt.

There are about 20 people outside, eating and talking in small groups. Some of the chairs from the ceremony have been rearranged by people, disturbing the neat rows from earlier. Kurt leads them to the front, where most of the chairs are still in their proper places, as far away from the other guests as possible, but when they sit down, he doesn’t start talking right away.

“You must be pretty passionate about that cake to still be talking about it,” Sebastian says when it becomes clear that Kurt’s not going to start. “It must be good.”

“It is. And... I am passionate about it,” Kurt says, turning to face Sebastian. This is as good a transition as any. “More about wedding planning in general than that cake in particular. I want to do it - be a wedding planner. I don’t want to take that job Lindsey offered me, or go on auditions.” He takes a breath, but before Sebastian can give any encouragement, Kurt continues. “I didn’t sign the lease the morning.”

Sebastian lets out a breath he didn’t even realize he’d been holding, though it feels like he’s letting out all of the stress of the last few months. It’s wonderful news, but he wants to be cautious, not jump to any conclusions, and understand what exactly Kurt’s telling him before he lets his joy overtake him.

“You... don’t want to move here, then? Or...”

“I don’t,” Kurt confirms. “I don’t think I can pursue a new career here. I don’t think I can be here without feeling like a total failure. You were right, acting makes me miserable, and this is just... a toxic environment for me right now. I know it sounds crazy...”

“It doesn’t,” Sebastian assures him, unable to control his grin.

“You’re happy about this,” Kurt says, smiling a little himself. “Do you not want to move here either? Because it seems like you’d have to give up so much.”

“I would have wanted to move here if you were happy,” Sebastian says. “Or... I would have been okay with it, at least. New York wouldn’t be my first choice, though.”

“You should have told me you didn’t want to move.”

“I was going to tonight,” Sebastian offers.

Kurt raises an eyebrow. “After I signed a yearlong lease?”

“A little late, I know. It was talking to Rob today that really convinced me, though.”

Kurt winces in sympathy. “Because he doesn’t want you here?”

“No, he was just saying that to be an asshole,” Sebastian explains. Though he’s never lied to Kurt about what happened with Rob, he has definitely glossed over the details surrounding all of the guilt he has about how that relationship ended. It’s painful to talk about, but Sebastian knows he needs to bring it out in the open to explain things. “Rob and I had a similar issue, after we got married. He wanted to stay in New York and I wanted to go to LA. I was pushy and he kind of gave in without too much of a fight, so we moved, and everything was just downhill after that. I still feel guilty about ruining our relationship.”

“I’m sure that wasn’t the only thing that ruined your relationship. There must have been other issues.”

“Maybe. Maybe we wouldn’t have lasted either way, but I didn’t want to take a chance and try and push you into moving to LA just because I live there.” Sebastian hears warning bells go off in his head at just mentioning a move to LA even now, in the midst of his honesty.

“You wouldn’t be pushing me,” Kurt says. “I _want_ to move to LA.”

It’s as much of a relief for Sebastian to hear them as it is for Kurt to finally say them out loud.

“If that’s okay?” Kurt continues, wanting to be absolutely sure. “I don’t want to intrude on your life. I’d be staying with Sam and Mercedes, and I know I still need to get used to Jamie, but it would be so hard to do that from far away, and-”

“Kurt, I would love it if you moved to LA,” Sebastian interrupts. “It’s not intruding at all. I’ve been looking forward to living in the same city as you for months.”

“And it can happen sooner now. I can move next month after my last day at the shop. There’s no need for us to be separated all summer.”

Kurt sounds so happy that Sebastian can’t help but lean forward and pull him into a hug. “I was so worried you were going to be miserable.”

“I still might be,” Kurt says, his voice muffled in Sebastian’s neck. “I mean... I only decided all of this today. I have no plans, no idea what I’ll do or how badly I’ll fail.” He pulls back from Sebastian, looking him in the eye. “This is a risk, but that’s good. It’s what I want. I thought the risk was New York, but it’s not. That’s just the failure I’m already used to. Going for this with you in LA is the real risk, taking the chance with wedding planning and trying to start over even though I have no idea what’s going to happen.”

“I know what’s going to happen,” Sebastian says as he pulls Kurt closer again. “It’s a risk that’s going to pay off.”

Kurt smiles. “Optimist,” he teases.

“Well, you did say being an optimist was a good thing.”

“I’m very wise,” Kurt says, so overwhelmed by joy and relief that it takes a conscious effort not to burst into giddy laughter as he and Sebastian embrace. They’re both quiet for a moment, basking in the glow of their new plans.

“I’m sorry I took so long and was so indecisive,” Kurt murmurs once they separate.

“I knew you were miserable and I didn’t really say much about it,” Sebastian counters. “I’m sorry. I should have brought this up sooner. I didn’t mean to make you feel like LA wasn’t a possibility.”

“I’m moving to LA,” Kurt says, still a little shocked at the news. “I can’t believe it. We’re going to be so close so _soon_ and I get to see Sam and Mercedes all the time, too, and I won’t have to worry about going to work in a blizzard ever again... oh, my winter wardrobe is going to feel _so_ neglected.”

Sebastian laughs and pulls Kurt closer again, needy for affection after today’s roller coaster of emotions. Kurt leans into it, pressing his lips against Sebastian’s. Neither of them mean to let the kiss last for long, both well aware of the eyes of the other guests on them, but it’s hard to pull away once they’ve started. When Sebastian does detach his lips from Kurt’s, he only leaves a few centimeters of space between them. Their foreheads rest against each other as Sebastian searches for the right words to express how content he is in this moment, how excited he is for the future, how much Kurt means to him. He settles on, “I love you,” which isn’t new or creative, but it feels like enough right now.

Especially when Kurt smiles at him, open and warm, and says, “I love you, too.”

-

Kurt, Sebastian, and Jamie take one cab to JFK the next day. Kurt’s flight is with the rest of his family, a few hours after Sebastian and Jamie’s and in a different terminal, but neither Kurt nor Sebastian had wanted to say goodbye any earlier than necessary. The night before had been amazing, and both Kurt and Sebastian still feel like they’re walking on air despite a less than pleasant breakfast with Sebastian’s grandparents that morning and the impending separation between them.

“It’s only three weeks,” Kurt says once Sebastian and Jamie’s bags have been checked and they have their boarding passes. He’d decided on the date the night before, opting to leave Lima as soon as possible after Finn returned to work full time. He had a lot to do before then and very little time to do it, since he was moving a few weeks earlier than he’d anticipated. Everything has to be packed, and he needs to figure out whether or not he needs a moving van. Bribing his dad and Carole to take the drive out with him so he won’t be alone is the next step. He hasn’t even told them his plans yet, though. No one knows besides Sebastian, Sam, and Mercedes. He needs to call Lindsey, too, and tell her he can’t take the job anymore.

“Three weeks isn’t long at all,” Sebastian says, leaning in to give Kurt a quick kiss. “Alright, Jamie, you want to say goodbye to Kurt?”

Jamie frowns. “You’re not going on the plane?”

“I have to take a different plane,” Kurt explains, crouching down so he’s closer to Jamie’s eye level. “I live in Ohio, like your grandma and grandpa, remember?”

“That’s far. You should be my neighbor.”

Kurt laughs. “Well, maybe someday. Can I have a hug?” he asks, unsure of what the verdict will be. Jamie obliges, though, walking into Kurt’s open arms and mumbling a goodbye that Kurt echoes.

“Kurt’s going to be moving closer to us pretty soon,” Sebastian tells Jamie. “We won’t have to take planes to see him anymore.”

“Oh. That’s good.”

“That’s very good,” Sebastian agrees, shooting Kurt a grin. “We really should get going.”

“Okay. Have a good flight, guys,” Kurt says, giving Sebastian a hug.

“You, too. I’ll let you know when we land. You’ll probably already be back at your house.”

“Okay,” Kurt agrees. He’s reluctant to release Sebastian and watch the two of them go through security. “I’ll see you in three weeks.”

“Three weeks and two days,” Sebastian corrects him. “You’re getting there on a Tuesday.”

“Right. Oh, I just realized something!” Kurt exclaims, stepping back.

“What?” Sebastian asks.

“I’m getting to LA on Tuesday the 9th,” replies Kurt with a grin. “That means I’ll be there in time for us to watch the season finale of _Godfrey Pride_ together.”

“Tim and Camden are going to get together for real,” Sebastian says. “I have faith.”

Kurt grins. He’d been expecting a season-ending cliffhanger for the two of them, but he’s starting to think Sebastian might be right. A little optimism won’t hurt him, anyway.

“Yeah,” he says. “Me too.”


	8. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who gave this fic a chance! It was out of my comfort zone with the kid thing, and I know that’s not something the Kurtbastian fandom as a whole is into, so I really appreciate you reading this anyway. Anyone who liked or reblogged or left a comment or gave kudos or left me messages, you guys are all so great and it meant a whole lot, I promise, even if I suck at letting people know that. 
> 
> Epilogues are tough for me, so I hope this is enjoyable for you guys! It was basically impossible to squeeze in all of the info about everyone in the fic’s future lives, so if anyone has any questions, feel free to ask! There is a chance there will be a few more short fics in this ‘verse, also.

It doesn’t take long for Kurt to realize that planning his own wedding is much more difficult than planning weddings for his clients.

“Smug fucking asshole,” he spits as he slams his phone down on the coffee table. It feels personal now when vendors try to screw him over, and this florist is getting on his last nerve.

“Well, it’s lovely to see you, too.” 

Kurt whips his head around, surprised to hear Sebastian’s voice from the entryway. He had been too distracted by his wedding-related rage to hear his fiancé come in. “I was talking about the florist, actually. And I’m not putting a dollar in the jar, because Jamie’s in the kitchen doing homework, and there’s no way he heard me. He’s been sort of mopey today, by the way, but he told me nothing was wrong.”

“Huh. Maybe I’ll be able to get it out of him. Does he have a lot of homework?”

“It didn’t seem like it. He should be done by the time we have to leave, which is probably for the best, considering the last time Sam supervised his homework.”

Sebastian grins as he takes a seat next to Kurt on the couch. “I thought Sam’s insight on conspiracy theories made Jamie’s history assignment much more interesting, actually.”

Kurt rolls his eyes. “Yeah, that was a really fun parent-teacher conference.” He leans forward to give Sebastian a kiss. “How was work?”

Sebastian’s been working on a primetime medical drama on CBS for the past two years, and the show just received a two-year pick-up from the network. It doesn’t ensure that Sebastian’s character will remain as important as he has been this season, but it’s good news, nonetheless. Being on a primetime drama is much closer to Sebastian’s dream job than working on soap operas was. His role as Geoffrey Madison on _The Bold and the Beautiful_ had been fun, and he’d made an amazing friend in his costar Samantha, but his new gig is wonderful. The pay is better, the scripts are better, and it’s been a springboard for his goal to work in movies. He’d filmed a supporting role in a feature film the summer before, and he has an audition for a movie filming later this summer next week.

“Could’ve been better. There’s a kid in this episode who needed about 40 takes to get one line out.”

“Sounds fun. Are you still free ‘til noon tomorrow?” Kurt asks hopefully. They’re both excited about tonight’s plans, and it would be a shame if Sebastian had to get up early and go to work. The series finale of _Godfrey Pride_ is airing tonight, and after six seasons, five of which they spent watching together in some capacity, they’re going to watch it all end together. They’ve been preparing to say goodbye to the show that brought them together for almost a year now, but it was just last week that Sam and Mercedes surprised them with an offer to have Jamie stay over at their house for the night so Kurt and Sebastian could celebrate the occasion alone. They have reservations for dinner, and after that, they’ll be coming back to watch the finale in their empty house.

“Yeah, we’re still good for sleeping in,” Sebastian assures him. “So what happened with the florist?”

Kurt sighs. “He suddenly jacked up the price of our package by about five hundred bucks. Like I don’t know how much he usually charges? I use him all the time with my clients! He might be the best, but this is totally unacceptable.”

“We can spend the extra five hundred, if it’s going to make a difference,” Sebastian points out. “It’s not like we don’t have the money.”

“It’s not about the money,” Kurt insists. “It’s the principle.”

“Right, sorry,” Sebastian says, not wanting to get into the familiar argument again. Since Kurt moved to LA four years ago, the only major arguments they’ve had were about money, and they’ve both had to accept that it’s just something they’ll never be able to view in the same way. They’d spent almost two weeks playing with the idea of breaking up after a fight over Sebastian lending Kurt money to keep his struggling wedding planning business afloat in its first difficult year. “Well, we still have over four weeks to figure this out. We’re not allowed to worry about flowers tonight. Or food. Or whether or not your terrible friends are trying to plan a secret glee club reunion for the reception.”

“ _Our_ terrible friends,” Kurt corrects him with a teasing smile. Sebastian scrunches up his face, feigning disgust, before resting his head on Kurt’s shoulder.

When Kurt moved out to LA four years ago, most of their friends and family had expected them to be married within a year, but Kurt and Sebastian had moved slowly, Kurt wary of taking on a parental role too early, and Sebastian determined not to repeat the mistakes from his first marriage. They tried to talk through everything, wanting to ensure that, at least for now, their hopes for the future were compatible. Kurt hadn't even moved into Sebastian and Jamie's house until they'd gotten engaged last spring. It had been a big adjustment even after living near them and spending a lot of nights there for three years. Living with a kid without an apartment to escape to was different, and both of them had wanted to wait until they were sure about their future together. It took some getting used to, but Kurt loves living here, loves all of the extra clean-up and noise, loves being a parent. It means cleaning up vomit, changing the cat litter when it starts to get disgusting, and getting Jamie ready for school on days when Sebastian has an early call time. It means they’re a family, and Kurt relishes all of the chaos and responsibility. If they had rushed this, it might not have been as easy of a transition. They might not be sitting here right now, five years after they first started talking online, talking about their wedding.

“I should probably go check on Jamie,” Sebastian says after a minute. “We have to get going in a little while if we want to get him to his lesson on time. He had a snack, right?”

“Yeah, he should be fine until he eats dinner later.”

Jamie’s on his last math problem when they enter the kitchen, but he’d circled a few other problems in his workbook that he couldn’t figure out. Sebastian helped him work through those while Kurt did a quick check of his spelling and social studies work to make sure it was complete and legible and some amount of effort had been exerted.

“Make sure you put this in your backpack and bring it with you when we leave, okay?” Kurt says once everything’s been finished. “Either Sam or Mercedes is going to take you to school tomorrow morning, and you won’t be stopping here first.”

Jamie frowns. “I don’t want to go over there tonight.”

Kurt raises an eyebrow at Sebastian, a silent ‘see what I mean?’

“How come you don’t want to go?” Sebastian asks Jamie. “You were looking forward to it before.”

“The baby’s loud,” Jamie mumbles. “She yells and cries _all_ the time.”

“Cora?”Sebastian asks. Mercedes and Sam’s two-year-old daughter can be a bit of a handful sometimes, but she’s a pretty cheerful kid. Jamie usually enjoys acting as an older brother-type figure to her, so Sebastian’s a little confused. “Since when?”

“Since _always_ , Dad. Babies are loud and terrible.”

“Did something happen the last time she was over here?” Kurt asks, wondering if Jamie’s sudden shift in opinion has something to do with a broken toy. It seems like something Jamie would have mentioned before today, though.

Jamie shrugs, and Kurt and Sebastian share a confused look.

“So... nothing happened, but all of a sudden you don’t want to see Cora anymore?” Sebastian asks.

“I don’t want to see _any_ babies,” Jamie clarifies. “I don’t want to see your babies, either.”

Sebastian eyes widen. “My babies? Do I have babies?”

“When you and Kurt get married you will.”

“Is Kurt pregnant?” Sebastian asks Jamie, then looks over at Kurt, pretending to be terrified. “Oh god, am _I_ pregnant?”

Jamie smiles a little in spite of himself. “Boys can’t be pregnant.”

“Oh, right. Thank god,” Sebastian says. “So how come you think we’re having babies?”

“‘Cause Theo said that’s what people do when they get married, and you’re getting married,” Jamie explains. “We don’t even have room for babies here!”

They have two spare bedrooms, but Sebastian doesn’t bother to point that out. He’s just relieved that he finally understands where Jamie is coming from. “People don’t automatically get babies as soon as they get married,” he tells Jamie. “Some people get married and never have babies. Like Burt and Carole, right? They never had babies after they got married. Some people have babies and never get married, like your Aunt Maria. They’re not necessarily related.”

“So you’re not having babies?”

Sebastian and Kurt share a glance. Adopting another child somewhere down the line is something they’d discussed in the lead-up to their engagement, but it doesn’t seem like Jamie’s going to like that answer very much.

“We might have one someday,” Sebastian tells him. “But it won’t be for a while, bud. A few years, at least.”

“Not this summer?” Jamie asks.

“Definitely not this summer,” Kurt confirms. “Did Theo have you thinking we were going to bring a baby back from Australia with us?”

“Kind of.”

“Well, I wouldn’t worry about that,” Sebastian says. “Unless we find some babies over there we just can’t resist.”

“Sebastian! He’s teasing, Jamie. We will most certainly not be returning from our honeymoon with any babies.”

Kurt and Sebastian are spending two weeks alone in Australia immediately following the wedding. They’d chosen a country neither of them had visited yet, and the whole wedding had been built around finding a time Kurt and Sebastian could get away for so long. Mid-June was the only time that could work. Jamie would be just finished with school for the summer, and able to visit Rob in New York for the duration of their trip. He’d spent two weeks with Rob the summer before, too, and really enjoyed the trip. They’d had to wait until Sebastian was done filming for the year, too, but make sure they were back before he had to start promotion for his movie, and Kurt had to make sure his clients’ weddings were all scheduled appropriately so he wouldn’t need to work during the weeks they were gone. They had to leave enough time in the summer to take a vacation with the whole family later, too. It had all come together, though, the plans only finalized recently, and both of them were really excited to go.

“I am teasing,” Sebastian confirms. “You’ll have plenty of warning if we decide to have another baby, okay? I’m a little confused, though. You used to talk about wanting a brother or sister all the time.”

Jamie thinks for a moment. “It’s okay if it’s a brother. I don’t want a sister, though.”

“That’s not really how it works,” Kurt explains. “We don’t get to pick.”

“Uh huh,” Jamie says. “That’s how you adopt people. Like how Brandon and Blaine picked Lukas. Except you should let me pick.”

Sebastian takes a seat next to Jamie at the table. “Not all adoptions work that way. Lukas isn’t a baby, and when you adopt an older kid, there’s a lot more to consider. It’s not really as simple as just picking any kid you want, anyway. But with you, your dad and I didn’t know you were a boy when we decided to adopt you, because you weren’t born yet. It was a surprise.”

Jamie frowns. “You didn’t even know me at all? What if I was the worst kid _ever_? What if I was like Cora and you hated me?”

“Cora’s really not the worst kid ever,” Kurt interjects, unable to stop himself from defending the little girl he adores. His atheism may have prevented him from being named godfather, but he is definitely her favorite honorary uncle.

“She’s not,” Sebastian agrees. “And I have a little secret for you. When you were her age, you threw tantrums sometimes, too. Really bad ones.”

Jamie looks affronted. “I did not!”

“You did. But it’s normal for little kids, that doesn’t mean they’re bad kids. And even when people do have kids that are a little hard to handle, they don’t hate them. Parents love their kids no matter what.”

“And the same goes for siblings,” Kurt adds. “Even if they’re sisters.”

Jamie still looks a little unsure, but after Sebastian reminds him that he won’t have to worry about this for quite some time, Jamie heads upstairs to pack a few things for his night away.

Once he’s gone, Sebastian stands up. “Are you sure you want to have another one of those? They ask so many questions.”

Kurt snorts and opens his arms, letting Sebastian settle between them.

“I think Theo must hate us,” Sebastian continues after resting his head on Kurt’s shoulder.

“He’s 13, he hates pretty much everyone.”

“That’s true. Is it terrible that I’m sort of dreading Jamie’s teen years?”

Kurt smiles. “Nah, I think that’s pretty normal. But can we add ‘Jamie’s rebellious teen years’ to the list of topics we’re not allowed to discuss tonight?”

“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea. I’m going to take a quick shower before we leave, okay?”

“Okay. I’ll make sure Jamie is packing what he’s supposed to pack.”

Jamie, of course, is not packing what he is supposed to pack, and by the time Kurt gets upstairs, the boy has an overnight bag filled with so many action figures that there’s no way he’ll be able to stuff his clothes in there.

“Okay, bud, how about we cut down the toys to just a few of your favorites?” Kurt suggests. “You’re really not going to be there very long at all. Once you get home and have dinner, you’ll probably only have an hour or two before bedtime.”

Jamie grumbles a bit, but he lets Kurt help him make some tough toy choices, and the bag is packed by the time they hear the shower turning off down the hall. Despite seeming mostly satisfied with the answers he got downstairs, Jamie’s still a bit more subdued than normal, and Kurt can’t help but wonder if there’s something else weighing on his mind.

“Are you okay?” he asks Jamie. “You’re usually way more excited about going to your skateboarding lesson.” When Jamie just shrugs, Kurt joins him on the bed. “Are you still worried about the baby thing? We weren’t lying, you know. It’ll be a long time before that happens.”

“I know,” Jamie mumbles, looking down at his lap. It surprises Kurt sometimes, how much Jamie’s grown in the four years since they met in Ohio. He’s tall for his age, long and lean, and he’s insisted on keeping his dark brown curls tamed with a very short haircut for a few years now. His loud tantrums have been replaced with quiet brooding, and he’s old enough now to start forming his own opinions on things and back them up. Kurt had never really watched a kid grow up until he met Jamie, and he’s honored to have not just been a witness, but an active participant in the transformation. Jamie isn’t just a kid who likes Kurt because he pretended to like Spider-man once, or because he can do funny voices when he reads bedtime stories. They’re family now, even though a justice of the peace won’t make it official for another month. Jamie doesn’t call Kurt ‘dad,’ but he lists Kurt amongst his parents, which is an honor that Rob’s boyfriend doesn’t receive. It’s an amazing feeling, being loved and trusted by a child, and Kurt works as hard as he can to earn it.

“So if it’s not about us having babies, what is it?” Kurt asks. “Is it something I can help you with?”

Jamie’s quiet for a moment before responding, and his voice is small when he finally asks, “Is Australia really 3,000 hours away?”

“Three thousand hours away?” Kurt asks in disbelief. “Um, no. The flight takes about 18 hours, I think.”

“That’s really far.”

“Yeah, it’s a long trip. Who told you it was 3,000 hours? Theo?” Kurt’s not even sure why he bothers asking. Of _course_ it’s Theo. Jamie had only been in his presence for half an hour after school today while Kurt finished up some work, but clearly the older boy had done a number on Jamie.

“And Oliver, too.”

“Does it scare you that it’s so far?”

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

Jamie bites his lip. “Well... maybe you should go to somewhere closer, so you don’t need two whole weeks. That’s a _really_ long time.”

“It does sound kind of long, I know,” Kurt tells him. “But it won’t feel that way. You’re going to be with your dad in New York the whole time, you won’t even miss us.”

“Theo said we won’t be able to talk.”

“Theo’s wrong.” Kurt manages not to add in a bitter ‘as usual.’ “We’ll still be able to talk on the phone. There’s a time difference, but we’re going to find a time of day that works for both of us.” They had discussed all of this in general terms with Jamie the week before, when all of the plans had been finalized, planning on going into more detail as the date approached, but it seems that had been a mistake. Sebastian and Kurt’s main concern had been Jamie potentially being jealous of them going on a vacation without him, but that doesn’t seem to be the problem here at all.

“Come here,” Kurt says, turning and pulling Jamie in for a quick hug. “We’re gonna talk about this tomorrow night when we’re all back home, okay? But I promise that we’ll be able to talk while we’re gone, and that you’ll be having so much fun in New York that you’ll hardly miss us. Can you promise me something, too?”

“What?

“Next time you have a question about the trip, or us getting married, or... anything, can you ask me or your dad instead of believing whatever Theo or Oliver tell you? You can ask Aunt Vanessa, too, if we’re not around, but your cousins don’t always know everything.”

“They are wrong a lot,” Jamie agrees.

“So we have a deal, then?”

“Okay. But... can I bring one more toy to Mercedes and Sam’s house?”

Kurt snorts. "You drive a pretty hard bargain.”

“This Spider-man’s pretty small,” Jamie wheedles, waving the toy around.

“You can probably fit him in the front pouch of your bag,” Kurt says, considering. “As long as you remember your bedtime and do what Sam and Mercedes tell you.”

Jamie’s face lights up like he’s just won the lottery, and it’s hard for Kurt not to laugh at how quickly his mood has changed. “I will!” Jamie exclaims, stuffing the figurine into his bag. “Thanks, Kurt!”

“No problem.”

Sebastian appears in the doorway then, taking a second to appreciate the scene before him before knocking twice on the open door and coming inside. It still thrills him sometimes, watching Kurt and Jamie together and knowing how far they’ve come. “Are you guys about ready to go?”

“Yep!” Jamie says, holding up his bag triumphantly. “And I have my backpack, too.”

“Awesome. We just have to grab your helmet and pads, and then we can get going.”

It’s another 15 minutes before they manage to get out of the house to drive Jamie to his skateboarding lesson. Sam’s going to meet them there as soon as he gets out of work, and take Jamie back to his house when the lesson’s over, so Kurt and Sebastian say their goodbyes after Jamie’s put on his pads and his helmets. He doesn’t seem preoccupied anymore, and he doesn’t complain about giving each of them a goodbye hug. He even tells them he hopes their show is good before grabbing his skateboard and running to join the three other kids in his class. Sam shows up soon after with his daughter in his arms.

“Hey, Miss Cora,” Kurt greets her, reaching out so Sam can hand her off. “How’s my girl?”

“Kurt!” she exclaims, giving him a bright grin. “I’m skating!!!”

“Not tonight, kid,” Sam tells her. “We’re just here to watch Jamie.” He gives Kurt and Sebastian an apologetic look. “Mercedes is giving a singing lesson tonight, so I couldn’t leave her at home.”

“It’s fine,” Sebastian assures him, deciding not to mention Jamie’s current opinion of Cora. “You know how much Jamie loves an audience.”

-

Kurt’s not sure he’ll ever get used to people staring at them.

He can feel the eyes of the two guys on the table to their right. They’re at least attempting to be discreet, but the woman at the table to their left is openly gawking, and it’s hard for Kurt to ignore. It’s been happening ever since Sebastian’s _Desire Street_ days, but the number of people recognizing Sebastian in public has increased dramatically since he started on his new show, and Kurt knows it will only get worse once the movie comes out later this summer.

It’s not all bad. Sebastian’s doing what he loves to do and getting recognized for it, and this is just a reflection of that. Kurt can’t really complain - he’s been to the Emmy’s the last two years, after all, and his services as a wedding planner would not be as in demand as they are if one of Sebastian’s more well-known coworkers hadn’t hired him a year and a half ago and then spread the word about how much she loved his work. Though his business had already picked up a bit by that point, now he’s so busy it seems like he’s turning away as many clients as he’s taking on. It’s amazing, feeling successful after so many years of failing. He can’t ignore the amount of help he had or the luck that went into the success of his business, but it’s not something that bothers him too much anymore, either. If he was bad at his job, word would spread about that, too, and the clients would have stopped calling by now.

There are downsides to Sebastian’s growing fame, though. A lot of people go beyond the staring and come up to talk to Sebastian, no matter what he’s in the middle of doing, asking for autographs and pictures. They’ve even been photographed by paparazzi a few times, never doing anything more exciting than walking. Sebastian takes the attention in stride, charming everyone with a bright smile and a cheerful greeting and obliging everyone’s requests unless he’s with Jamie. It’s exhausting to watch, and Kurt is always grateful that he’s not the one in the spotlight. Though his fantasies of Broadway stardom had included paparazzi and many adoring fans, he’s glad things didn’t turn out that way. Kurt knows he could never handle so many people with the charm and grace Sebastian does. Even the people who ask for pictures with Sebastian and then admit they’re not even 100% sure what his name is are treated kindly. Kurt’s pretty sure that if it were him, he’d turn to sarcasm and insults by the end of the first week. It’s strange, how the things he thought he wanted didn’t turn out to be the things to make him as happy as he is today.

“Try not to get any food on your face,” Kurt warns Sebastian after the waitress brings them their food. “I’m pretty sure that woman over there has gone from gawking to attempting to take stealth pictures of you.”

“That was _one time_ ,” Sebastian says, grinning. Vanessa, who has made a sport of finding bad pictures of her brother on the Internet, had fallen in love with one photo in particular. It’s a normal picture of him posing with a female fan except for the marinara sauce on his face. Vanessa found it so hilarious that she cropped the woman out of the photo and then had it blown up and framed as a Christmas gift for Kurt and Sebastian last year.

“One very unfortunate time,” Kurt agrees, sneaking another look at the woman with her phone out. “Do you think she’ll try to talk to you?”

“I hope not. I’m making my very best ‘please leave me alone, this is the first time in months I’ve gotten to eat with my fiancé in a restaurant that doesn’t have a kids’ menu’ face.”

Kurt smiles. “And you’re really selling it, too. I’m convinced.”

Sebastian must be convincing the woman at the next table, too, because she and her friend finish their dessert and leave a few minutes later without saying anything. Sebastian is relieved to see them go. It’s not that he doesn’t like meeting people. He has fun with it, usually, and will spend a few minutes having a conversation with anyone who approaches him if he’s not in too much of a rush and the person’s not an asshole, but tonight he’d prefer to spend with just Kurt. Sebastian’s happier than he’s ever been since Kurt moved in and they got engaged, but they’ve both been so busy lately, with Sebastian finishing up a season of his show that’s running later into the year than usual and Kurt working on more weddings than he’s used to in the lead-up to their vacation. They’ll have two weeks alone on their honeymoon next month, but that still seems far away, and Sebastian, no matter how much fun he has, will still be suffering from the mild heartache he always does when his son is far away from him for too long.

“Oh, I talked to Rob today,” Sebastian says. “I know we said we wouldn’t talk about the wedding tonight, but before I forget-”

“ _You_ said we wouldn’t talk about the wedding,” Kurt interrupts. “Totally your idea. I could talk about it all night. I have a long list of complaints about vendors, actually.”

Sebastian laughs. “Sounds romantic!”

Kurt raises an eyebrow. “Yeah, talking about your ex-husband is pretty romantic, too.”

“Point taken. Complain away!”

“Maybe later,” Kurt says, grinning. “So what did Rob have to say? Did he book his flight?”

“Yeah, he’s all set. He’s getting in the morning of the wedding, so he’ll be able to pick Jamie up as soon as it’s over.” Sebastian pauses for a moment. “Trevor’s coming, too.”

“We already knew that, didn’t we?”

“Well, it was the plan, but I was kind of assuming he wouldn’t be living with Rob anymore by now.” Sebastian doesn’t begrudge Rob his new relationship, but he hasn’t even met the guy who now lives in the apartment Jamie will be spending two weeks in, and it makes him a bit uncomfortable. All he’s learned from Jamie is that Trevor is “really awesome” and he has a mohawk.

“Jamie knows him and likes him,” Kurt reminds Sebastian gently. They’ve talked about this before. “It’ll be fine.”

“Well, Jamie likes everyone. And Trevor is practically a child, so it makes sense that he and Jamie would get along.”

“When you were his age, you already had a kid,” Kurt points out. “And Jamie doesn’t like _everyone_. Don’t forget Cora the Demon Baby, his new arch-nemesis.”

“Oh god, I know,” Sebastian groans. “Where did that even come from?”

“I think he’ll be okay now that we’ve convinced him that we’re not bringing home a bunch of babies from our honeymoon. Theo also managed to convince him Australia was pretty much on another planet, and we wouldn’t be able to talk to him while we were gone.”

Sebastian sighs. “Of course he did.”

“I think I did enough damage control,” Kurt says. “He should know you’d never go somewhere you can’t talk to him, though.”

“Unless Theo also has him convinced that we hate him.”

“I don’t know if Jamie would buy that.”

“Probably not,” Sebastian agrees. “I’m still a little surprised he hasn’t asked if he can come with us yet. I don’t really know how I’ll answer it if he does.”

“We’ll just tell him it won’t be fun for him, anyway, because we’re going to be doing a bunch of grown-up stuff,” suggests Kurt.

Sebastian raises an eyebrow. “I think eight is a liiiittle young for a sex talk.”

“I meant grown-up stuff like scuba diving,” Kurt says, rolling his eyes.

“I love how you still think you’re going to be able to convince me to do that. We have a child to come home to, Kurt. If we die, Jamie is going to have to live with Rob and Trevor. Can you even imagine what sort of horrible haircuts they’ll have him get?”

Kurt smirks. “I think Jamie would look cute with a mohawk. And you’re way more likely to die in a car crash than in a scuba diving accident.”

“I’ll consider that when it becomes possible for me to scuba dive to work,” Sebastian says before taking a forkful of food into his mouth.

“Well, we can talk about it later. We still have plenty of time to discuss this and sign up for classes before we leave.”

“Keep holding onto that hope.”

Kurt grins. “What can I say? I’m an optimist.”

-

They get home from the restaurant with only about 10 minutes to spare before _Godfrey Pride_ starts, so Sebastian goes into the kitchen to grab wine glasses while Kurt turns on the television. He keeps it muted for now, not interested in hearing how the new sitcom airing before it will end.

“This is going to be so sad,” he says, loud enough so Sebastian will hear him.

Sebastian emerges from the kitchen and places the wine and glasses on the table. “It will be, but when it’s over, we get to distract ourselves in the most wonderful way.” He sits down next to Kurt on the sofa and leans over to kiss him, soft at first, then more intense. He moves one hand behind Kurt’s head to pull him closer, and by the time Kurt pulls back, the credits of the sitcom are rolling on the screen.

“We’re alone tonight, remember,” Sebastian murmurs, still pressed against Kurt as Kurt reaches for the remote to turn on the volume. “We can be as loud as we want.”

“We will be loud,” agrees Kurt. “Loudly sobbing, because we are going to be emotionally destroyed by this finale.”

“It’s going to have a happy ending.”

“Of course it will. But this is the last time we ever get to sit down together and watch a new episode. It’s sad.” 

“And I never fulfilled my dream of guest starring in an episode,” Sebastian adds. “That’s the true tragedy.” He’s fulfilled other dreams, though, dreams he never actually believed were within his reach. So has Kurt.

They’ve spent the past few months discussing their hopes for the finale of the show. Both of them have grown bored with a lot of the characters, and, quite honestly, know that the show has reached its natural end. There’s no way to drag this stuff on anymore, no matter how much Kurt and Sebastian are interested in Tim and Camden. The couple both of them have been following for almost six years is engaged now, the wedding scheduled to happen in tonight’s episode. Both Kurt and Sebastian are hoping for some sort of glimpse into their future, but aren’t counting on it. They might have to imagine the end on their own.

They’re happy to watch Tim and Camden get married tonight. Both Kurt and Sebastian have always compared their relationship to Tim and Camden’s, though it doesn’t make much sense. Kurt and Sebastian have never dealt with sexuality crises, love triangles, or arrests, but they've had their share of problems, and it’s hard not to relate to the love they see played out on the screen, especially since they’ve spent the entire duration of their relationship thus far following Tim and Camden. The show has been such a huge part of their life as a couple. It’s what’s brought them together, and they had been watching it together even before they met in person, back when they were just each other’s fantasy of a less lonely future. _Godfrey Pride_ may be ending tonight, but it’s a new beginning for Kurt and Sebastian. It’s fitting - their courtship began with this show and will end with it, too. Next month, they take their vows.

As the familiar opening credits start for the final episode, Kurt and Sebastian sit together, cuddled close together on their living room sofa, fingers laced together, both thinking back to how they watched the pilot of the show. Sebastian had been alone in this same living room, watching whatever came on TV in his quest to find amusement after Jamie went to sleep, and Kurt had been curled up in bed in his apartment in Brooklyn, stealing cable from his upstairs neighbors in an attempt to distract himself from his less-than-glamorous life. One of the best decisions of their lives hadn’t felt important at all, not for either of them, but it was the first step of a long and winding road to love, acceptance, and happiness. It’s taken a long time for them to get here, from the first tentative message Sebastian sent to Kurt’s blog to planning their wedding. They’ve survived so many things they could have let break them - their high school history, Jamie, the distance, Kurt's career change, the money issues - and they’ve never felt so sure about the future. The show may be ending, but they’re not being left alone. They will always have the box sets of each season and the few close friends they obtained from their more active days in the fandom. They will always have the memories of nights spent speculating about when Camden and Tim would finally get their act together, and they will always, always have each other.

“Here we go,” says Kurt, squeezing Sebastian’s hand as the credits draw to a close.

Sebastian turns to kiss the side of Kurt’s forehead before echoing his words. “Here we go.”


End file.
